Chang-Rae Lee - On Such A Full Sea

Meanwhile, as they dried and put away the clean dishes, Mala would ask Fan how each of her lessons went, or what Miss Cathy had gotten her that day, and Fan would describe everything in great detail whether it made any sense to Mala or not, and then invite her up to her room to see whatever fancy new blouse or dress or shoes they’d brought home. It was a pity that Mala’s daughters were too big for any of it, as Fan didn’t really care about the clothes, which had never been of interest to her back in B-Mor. It was simply stuff to wear to town, acquired in order to buy more outfits to tour town again the next day, and so on, and mostly, of course, for satisfying Miss Cathy’s whims, the dormant blooms of which had seemingly burst open with the permanent diminution of her husband. Miss Cathy no longer seemed depressed; in fact, if anything, she had swung too hard to the other end, seeming now restless and overboosted and collecting all that buzzing for Fan, adoring her bedecked in the outfits and adorned with new jewelry (the silver locket had long been tossed into the compost heap of the garden) and sitting with her among the other ladies in the handsome eateries of the village.

Fan enjoyed these excursions enough and didn’t want to displease Miss Cathy, but the secret reason she dressed up each afternoon without hesitation was the slim chance that she’d come upon Liwei, whom she hoped might appear in a shop or on the street and be immediately recognizable to her. She imagined he looked something like her, though perhaps with the steely expression of a brilliant student, but with each day he did not appear, her belief that he had remained in the new Seneca after the villages combined steadily eroded. Still, she asked if they could explore other sections of the village, even the service people’s neighborhood, which Miss Cathy dutifully took her to like any good mother enriching the life experience of her naturally curious, bright child.

There were plenty of shops and eateries there, too, though they were clearly not as elegantly designed and appointed as in the sections Miss Cathy frequented, being more like the mall stores and restaurants of B-Mor, which you surely didn’t patronize in order to lounge about, but simply because the prices and dishes were good. It was all very respectable, the idea being to offer these people a true sense of participation in Charter life, even as the sidewalks weren’t quite as hygienically scrubbed, the window displays of merchandise not as thoroughly dusted and polished, maybe the spackling of the wallboard featured a rougher finish, the coats of trim paint not as numerously or thickly applied; and the same could be said of the “dorms,” which was where Tico was born and raised and was living with his parents before being hired through an agency, these thirty-story-high brick-faced towers of modestly sized apartments with glassed-in balconies festooned with air-drying clothes, surrounded by grounds planted with sturdy shrubs and large sections of lawn but that lacked the ornament of artfully chosen annuals and topiaries and blooming fruit trees that graced the best avenues of Seneca. Indeed, by any measure it was a very decent place to live, a setting we B-Mors would be more than content with, though the lingering feeling was that here was a place that, once settled, was not easily decamped. Of course, you could say the very same about B-Mor, but with us, we know from the start this is the case, we understand it in our bones, and because we’re mostly among brethren and share a storied past and can take a daily pride in our productive, orchestrated labors, we feel fortunate to remain, rooting in as deeply as we can.

But the truth of the dorms, as Tico would tell Fan after she first saw it, was that life happened behind the doors, the people rarely coming out and communing. Unlike us, they were from everywhere and were derived from all strains, universally diverse but perhaps too much so for their ideal collective good. And then there was the more significant matter of their work, as with Tico’s and his parents’ before him, which was mostly off- or long-shift service jobs, one-to-one or solo tasks such as home nursing or tutoring, waitressing or village security. Of course, the children got together in the neighborhood academies, but there were limited slots on the few sports teams and choral or theater troupes, and most had to go back to the towers right after the last bell anyway and look after their younger siblings, as every able-bodied parent was working to cover the ever-rising costs of rent, and food, and schooling. Though some moved up and out, most dormies were stuck, as Tico’s parents had been since they were young people, never quite making enough to make an entrepreneurial stab at opening a main-street business or to save for a down payment on a real Charter condo.

Miss Cathy had never actually driven into a service neighborhood — why would she? — and after a few moments parked in one of the lots beside a tower, she put the car into reverse to leave. But Fan spied an empty playground behind the building and asked if they could try the seesaw and swings. Miss Cathy looked repelled by the idea, but she agreed when she saw how much Fan wanted to, deciding the poor girl had probably never seen a playground before. So they rode the creaky seesaw, Miss Cathy having to sit toward the middle for balance, and then took turns on the swings, with Miss Cathy in fact going first, as Fan insisted on pushing her. Which she did, with all her strength, digging in and bursting forward like a sled driver while timing her push on the woman’s soft rump and ducking beneath her to send her soaring. Miss Cathy gave a whoop at the height, and when she began swinging her legs on her own, Fan quickly ran into the lobby of the building, from where she could see Miss Cathy happily propelling herself. She touched the screen and scrolled down the names to see if she could find any Bo and/or Liwei in the resident list. But there was nothing. A woman and her son came out of the elevator and Fan asked her if she could bring up a master listing of the residents of all the village’s towers. The woman asked why and Fan told her the reason and she said she wasn’t sure it was possible but would try, but then an urgent knocking on the glass window of the lobby stopped her. It was Miss Cathy. Her face had gone pale, her expression one of acute hurt and bafflement, her jaw now threaded through with cords of rage.

I didn’t know where you were! she shouted, making herself clearly heard through the glass. She entered the lobby and grabbed Fan’s hand from the screen and said, Don’t touch that, and dragged her to the car.

When they got home, they had to wash. They had done something like this before but now Miss Cathy knew exactly how she wanted it done, her brow tensing with expectation. Mala was ordered to get fresh towels and the bar of green laundry soap flecked with grit while Miss Cathy ran the water in the vegetable sink in the kitchen until it was hot. First she took Fan’s hands in hers and moistened all four of them in the water. She then used a tile scrubber to brush the skin of their palms and backs of the hands, spreading out their fingers to get in between. She used a different brush to clean under their fingernails, just as a surgeon might, working between the fingers and again on the palms and up the forearms, right to the elbows. And when the soap arrived, she rubbed the bar all over the prepped, reddened skin, softer now and pliant, which harshly stung, though not as much as when she redeployed the first brush, working the soap into a lather before spraying it off with the steaming water. Only then did she let Mala blot their hands and forearms with the towels, and after Mala took them away to be laundered, Fan thought she could catch mixed up with the pine oil and lye the babylike scent of raw new flesh.