William Gaddis - J R

The long hand drove the short higher, dropped toward NO RETURN. — Señora West Side pile, Thomas Eigen Family Court better call him, there. Now. Try to get anything done here where was I, millions yes. And while those millions so God damned many piles no place left to sit down, millions, those one eyed, that one eyed wait God damn it had it last night when that God damned lamp went one eyed no, that, that, well God damn it! He whispered into hands pressed against his face — why the hell I’m trying to do it this way anyhow should have gone right into those God damned notes, get going on it Christ have to get going on it find those God damned notes… He got a foot on 24/One Pound H-O — Tootsie Roll, remember the box it said Tootsie Roll Twelve Count… he pulled himself up to Won’t Burn Smoke or Smell — hell’s all this…

Letters, string, shoe polishing cloth, glue, a Liberty head quarter — Christ might be worth something… cigarette lighters, view of the Ghiralda, snapshots — think she was ever that small… undeveloped film rolls, clippings, typed pages held together with a rusty clip — How Rose Is Read, God forgot I ever started this published it five years ago it would have been… he stretched back up there head resting against NO DEPOSIT. — Rose, young but no girl, beautiful out of context and aware of that, stayed out entirely or until her late presence merely confirmed one she’d established of her own where she’d sit quietly and watch as though she’d never been elsewhere, and though it must have been one young man’s persistence after another that drew her to say she always understood people’s motives but sometimes not their words, she’d go on appearing to take each at his own evaluation and let that build without her interference out of all proportion till when she sidestepped, and it fell, it came from such a height there were a good many pieces and time, too much of it, to pick them up in and examine for their delicate contrivance. And there were pieces everywhere. Mention her name and you’d see them, or their sharp edges, surface briefly in the young men’s eyes dropped quickly elsewhere once they’d learned how many times she’d read Go lovely Rose, in how many different hands, forcing her door with flowers, fleeing it home to books to flee her there. Elena in Turgenev’s On the Eve flung down at two am as elsewhere pages feverishly turned to find her serving tea to friends by one gone back to bed to toss alone till dawn came in another part of town where someone else gave up importuning her shade through Gluck’s underworld with a twist of the dial to study in his own unsteady hand of the night before beware women who blow on knots and then take all of an hour to find perhaps it was right to dissemble your love, but why did you kick me downstairs? No book heroine as they wanted, this crowd who would not understand how much more human she was, like old Auda after battle and murder, heart yearning God damn it just get through one sentence in this, just one simple God damned sentence…

He was down brushing himself — filthiest place in the, hello…? No, who’s… called last night from Ohio yes said you might call about a tape he… no Ohio Akron Ohio, something about a tape you… No I don’t no look Mister Crawley I don’t know what anybody’s doing in Ohio, said something about a funeral guess they all just go there to… Didn’t mention any margin money no he just said there was a tape he wants to be sure you… just helping out up here yes got some work I have to get right back to, now… Who this Leva? called this morning yes sounded damned excited about the whole thing, got on a first name basis reassured him about the company’s confidence in his… Piscator said what…? No wait my idea but not my decision look… no what president, president of oh you mean the company Bast’s company hasn’t been in no just… hasn’t called no, just… bring what lenders down on him look Crawley I don’t know the company’s cash position don’t even know the… didn’t know the stock opened off two points this morning no, look I… wait listen, I… Listen I don’t know where the hell he is no, don’t know a God damned thing about these statements he’s calling in to the press gas exploration pollution suit mining claims voting trust margin money or anything else no, I told you I’m working on something important up here and… Look if he calls I’ll tell him to call you tell him you’re being pressed hard by these commodity exchanges for margin on… should have seen it coming laid out your supply and demand curves bigger the gaps get just watch the whole God damned cobweb develop pick a point anyplace on it you know where the… watch your corn sales, price of hogs a hundred pounds goes over eleven times corn a bushel they’ll feed the corn to the hogs, goes under eleven hell with the hogs sell the corn should have kept an eye on the… Can’t no look I told you working on something here that’s… no just this tape Mister Bast wanted to be sure you… oh you did? Fine I’ll tell him you got it goodbye, I… what? No just give me the message sure I can remem… captures those soaring tones that evoke the vastness of the plains, the purple mountains’ majesty certainly won’t forget no, good… sonorous tones of horn and kettledrum evoking the majesty of another kingdom won’t forget that in a hurry no, good… what? Tell him you’ve had disappointing news on the film but you’re a man of your word sending him his fee anyhow sure he’ll be God damned glad to hear that yes, good… Thanks yes very flattering Mister Crawley just not looking for a job right now really not my field anyhow, good… no just, put it this way just happen to be friendly to bellies in the long term, now goodbye…

He was back at the sofa spearing a sharp pencil into an open jar — choice of fancy snails or a rotting classic of Imperial Old Christ where was I when that idiot… he got the folder, came down on Hoppin’ With Flavor! — clear line of thought going bastard comes in with his sonorous tones of horn and millions here, through a glass eye, darkly the one eyed, had that God damn it had it last wait the good eye yes, the good eye… he licked the pencil’s point, — the good eye could now peer into Aristotle’s kingdom where if every instrument could accomplish its own work, obeying or anticipating the will of others, like the statues of Daedalus, or the tripods of Hephaestus, which, says the poet God damned cheese and tomato right down the which, says the poet, of their own accord have to type the whole God damned thing over anyhow… he reached for the punctured can — Jesus…! purple dripped from his chin — Christ what did I think I, go anywhere like this… he was up brushing at his trouserfront, each stroke slower until he was simply standing there staring through the blind below — poor bastards got all five of them fixing a tire so they can push their God damned clubhouse across the street almost envy them, all that senseless God damned energy look at them… He came down more slowly on Hoppin’ With Flavor! — problem just no God damned energy… and where his gaze fell short to the sill, a clothespin dropped. The long hand peaked to lap the short between NO DEPOSIT and NO RETURN — half the God damned day gone… and his head came slowly back to rest against 24-7 Oz Pkgs Flavored Loops, where the sun more slowly left it.

— What have you done for your mouth lately?

— Wha… he sat up abruptly, brought a hand up.

— continental mouthwash with the djstinc…

— Get that God damned thing… and he was up, crested the plateau of Musical Couriers and seized the mop handle, put his ear to the crevice and pounded the mop handle up and down.

— really time to do something nice for your mouth…

— Do something nice for your mouth God damn you, you…