Francisco Jose - Dusk

They had wanted to go into the deepest jungle, where the Spaniards could not reach them, nor could the big men in the towns who made them work without pay. They could go no farther. Life was difficult. They worked hard enlarging their clearings, and the forest became a benefactor, a provider of meat, and most important, a sanctuary, finally.

“Why did you leave the Ilokos, Apo?” It was a question he should not have asked. Perhaps the old man had killed a priest or a Spanish officer as his father had.

“I am Diego Silang,” the old man replied quietly, firmly.

From the deepest recesses of his mind, Bit-tik dredged up the name. As a boy, he had heard it spoken with awe, this brazen Ilokano who dared oppose the Spaniards and set up a fragile Indio government with Ilokano laws and an Ilokano army to replace the bulwarks of stone the friars had built. But Diego Silang was betrayed and killed, and his followers were disbanded, persecuted, and slaughtered.

To Bit-tik’s incredulous look, the old man had an answer: “You’re thinking, I am an old fool. How can I be Diego Silang, when he died long ago? But his spirit lives and it came to me, became me. How old do you think I really am? They are all gone who joined me in the beginning. I am alone now and the young people — they are our grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I worshipped Diego Silang’s memory, just as I worshipped all the men who fought for our freedom. What Diego Silang believed I also believe with all my soul. I believe that this land, this water, this air we breathe — they are God’s gift to all men and cannot belong to just a few merely because they are white or wear the cloth. So we honor all those who have died for this belief. Here, we prepare for the day when we will be ready and strong to strike again. We are not alone. Beyond this mountain are people like us and still more people like us in the valleys beyond. They may not recognize their poor, oppressed brothers elsewhere. Someday they will. Then we will leave this valley and with our prayers, we will defeat the ones who despoiled our land and robbed us.”

Dusk again, thirst and hunger again. In the dimness that was quietly descending upon the valley, they now came out — the children and women, and in the yard of Apo Diego’s house, they built a bonfire and gathered around it to share its warmth, for a chill breeze had come with the night.

“You have seen how fecund the land is,” Apo Diego said softly. “Let me convince you to remain here, to live with us and share our sorrows, our joys.”

From the rear of the house, a group of women emerged. They set the low eating table again with roasted meat, a bowl of steaming rice, and roasted green peppers. There was also a plate of greens. It tasted like saluyot but was not slippery. The women who served him turned their faces away. While he gazed at the bonfire as the children and people gathered around it, he realized why they hid themselves when he arrived, just as the women now, even in the faint light, could not face him. All their faces were horribly scarred by smallpox, the scourge leaving craters so deep and large.

“You will not be lonely here,” the old man was saying. “We have so few men left. Then came this terrible plague. We have more women now than men …”

In the golden glow of the bonfire, he could see them clearly. Those girls, how they must have looked before the dreaded disease had swept over their valley.

“The women are industrious,” the old man said. “They know how to weave, to care for plants, and to raise children.… I can see in your face that you are a seeker, that you will travel distances to find happiness. Stay with us. Every day brings something new. You need not search further for your fate, or for God.”

For a long while, Bit-tik did not speak.

In his mind’s eye, the Agno again — so wide and harsh — how they crossed this last barrier to Cabugawan, his brothers, the land they had cleared together, the kindly neighbors. He belonged to Cabugawan now. Bit-tik talked about his village, his brother who spoke Spanish and Latin, who cured the sick with his herbs and prayers. Did anyone in the valley speak Spanish or Latin at all?

The old man nodded. “Diego Silang does,” he said simply. Then he asked Bit-tik if he could read and write, and Bit-tik proudly said he could.

“That is very good.” The old man was enthusiastic. “We will need wisdom to defeat our enemies. Even now, they are plotting against us, seeking to dislodge us from this land which we carved from the forest. Two more hands here can do so much.”

Bit-tik could only think of Cabugawan, and yes — Sabel, who he knew would always be there when he needed her. That was ordained by the stars.

“I am thinking of a woman I left in Cabugawan,” Bit-tik said, feeling uncomfortable that he could not give the old man a better reason.

The old man brought in a jar covered with dried banana leaves and told him to drink his fill of basi . The basi tasted so good, unlike any he had had in the past. It was slightly bitter but it must be a special brew. He reminisced and felt completely at ease telling the old man about his father’s searing hatred for the friars and why they had to flee Po-on.

His eyes began to sink, the bonfire in the yard seemed to grow smaller and dimmer, the voices of people became muted. He was feeling drowsy, so he lay down on the floor, yet struggled to keep his eyes open. Through the blur of oncoming sleep, he saw six women surround him just as the light from the oil lamp on the low eating table flickered and died. He did not object when they started to undress him. He remembered embracing each one, though he was already half asleep. Six of them, and to each he gave his seed. Then all was blissful ignorance, the deep, deep quietude of dreamless sleep.

He woke up; his head had become a heavy rock, his eyes blinded by dazzling light. He closed his eyes quickly and in the red orb before him, he remembered what had transpired. He opened his eyes again. He was in the shade of a giant narra tree and when he rose in what seemed to be unfamiliar surroundings, he saw the spire of the church of Tayug in the near distance. To his right, the green of the Caraballo range. It was late afternoon and the sun shone fully on his face. Beside him was their parting gift, an earthen pot filled with mountain fish in fermented rice.

His legs were wobbly, but he regained his balance after the first few steps. The heaviness in his head disappeared. He walked toward the town, wondering if it was all a dream. And for the first time, he realized that he wanted to go back to Apo Diego, to the valley and its beautiful peace. He gazed at the mountains where they had started on the long hike and quickly realized that he would not be able to retrace the way through the labyrinthine maze. With a sense of elation he remembered the women who had caressed him. Did it happen at all? It was his first time ever, and there were six he had embraced, not just one. It could not be real! It was one of those grand illusions that only basi could inflict upon the mind. He untied the cotton string of his long carzoncillo and looked at his limp penis. He smiled to himself — it was no dream at all.

All the way to Cabugawan, through a humid, cloudless night, he thought of things to say to Sabel, for he would really pay court to her, build a house for her, and not live with his brother. He was man enough now to settle down. And all he had to do was ask his uncle Blas.

It was about Sabel that Orang spoke first that morning when he arrived to share their breakfast. Sabel was gone — she had eloped the day previous with a farmer from Carmay. The wedding would be next week.

“It was not a dream, Manong,” Bit-tik told Istak. He showed the small jar of fish in fermented rice which they left beside him. It was the best Dalin ever had.