William Gaddis - A Folic Of His Own

— I swear, I'll kill him! she burst in at them tearing off her coat, — Oscar? I'm going to need to have seven hundred dollars.

— Well but wait, I…

— What in God's name for, Lily. I mean they didn't find…

— I'll kill him, I swear it! These implants he put in they said one of them ruptured, that's what this lump was they said if I don't take it out I'll have all this silicone jelly running all through my body you know what it cost me? I mean it was Al, he wanted me to have big ones it was Al all the time he said once so he could play telephone with them he didn't care what it cost so that's where he got me this fancy Doctor Kissinger, the same one you were talking about that time? with that friend that brought that Mister Mudpye out here looking down my front I just saw her at the airport, she said to tell you she got married.

— Well I'm hardly surprised, I mean people will do anything but…

— I mean I just need you to loan it to me Oscar because I'll be able to pay you back because I'm going to sue him, I can still feel his squishy hands on them I'll sue him for everything he's got so I don't even need to care about Daddy's money anymore if the Lord calls him and this Reverend Bobby Joe gets his slimy hands on it because I'm going to sue him too.

— Yes but I mean my God Lily, at least you can be happy it didn't turn out to be cancer after all, you…

— Why should I be happy, I mean if it was who am I supposed to sue? Oscar? turning on him arms akimbo, her small fists jammed against her hips — what's the matter, you mad at me or something? and I mean look, you didn't even eat my eggs.

— He's upset about something else Lily, he found a letter in that mess over on the sideboard that nobody bothered to give him and…

— Who's supposed to hand it to him, some secretary? and she was already over there sweeping the heap together — you want to help me clean it up?

— Later yes, it's high time isn't it. I think I feel a draft, is something open?

— Now. I mean now. I told you I'm airing out that smelly bathroom and the library didn't I? and those sheets that have to go in the wash, you want to keep this Oscar? where you're invited to join this panel of distinguished t Americans discussing vital issues of the day at the National Speakers Association?

— No, but…

— Or this camping equipment and patio furniture? Here's your hearing date in a product liability action by Ace Fidelity Worldwide against Sosumi Motors regarding injuries…

— They postponed that no, put it, put it somewhere…

— It's already somewhere that's the trouble.

— There's a blue folder someplace, put it…

— This? Overdue. Overdue. Overdue?

— Those are, yes, those are just bills put it…

— The Bursar's Office informs you that a lien has been placed against your salary as of…

— Well what are you going to do about that Oscar, have you called them?

— No, it's that ambulance chaser who…

— And that sleazeball, I'm going to sue him too unless Al gets him first, tulip bulbs? boating equipment? Luxor, you going to Luxor?

— My God Lily just throw it all out, it's…

— Wait what's that.

— Hobbytime?

— Yes no keep it, it's my fishtank keep it, give it to me.

— Over whose dead body, here's your father's obituary you want to keep that?

— Well good God of course, it's…

— You can put it with those ashes in there, you keeping them too?

— Well good God yes!

— From Schriek Mohlenhoff & Shransky, it says statement.

— It's a bill just put it with the, but there's another one I'm looking for from them somebody named Preswig I have to call him, he…

— Then why don't they just call it a bill, you want to keep this thing? Opinion of the Court, James B, minor, v. Spotskin?

— Yes keep it, yes, it's Father's decision in the…

— Ladies Historic Preservation Society that can go, Dear Doctor Crease that can go, Here's Gunnin' for You that slimeball Mickey Mouse was I ever dumb. You have been selected by the board of directors for your biographical entry in the exclusive new volume Five Thousand Important American Men?

— No stop it, throw it out it's…

— Here's a bunch of these real old letters tied up with this dirty string, throw it…

— No wait Lily, I forgot all about it Oscar it's those old letters Father pried out of that bogus historical society, our charming visitor dug them out of that old Gladstone with his assorted bottles and gamy socks in one of his half sober moments hellbent on reading me the letter of the law, U.S. Code this and per stirpes that rescuing them from the furnace with the rest of Father's papers while he sat here ready to burn down the house with those vile Picayunes.

— Oscar? the packet came sailing through the air — you can put them with your ashes in there and here, Hiawatha's Magic Songbook? and some old letter from your Ace insurance company, you want it? Oscar?

— My God give it to him, Oscar call them and find out who dumped that car out there, I told you I want it off the property didn't I? will you call them? right now? And Lily that's really enough for now, just throw the rest of it out and let us get our breath.

— I'm going down and do the laundry, you want to bring down your sheets from upstairs?

— I said isn't this enough! I mean my God we're all exhausted, I'm still spinning with those awful voices of Harry's sisters and his whole, and, and his obituary in the paper like something you just happen to read in the paper and tomorrow there's another paper and nobody, and Oscar look at him sitting there with his lapful of trash all his wildest hopes for his award from the appeals court gone up in smoke, gone up in some bookkeeper's creative accounting my God can't we just, can't we do the laundry tomorrow and just stop and, and have a cup of tea and get our breath?

— That's all we do around here Christina! We sit around and have a cup of tea and catch our breath, there's nothing you can do about Harry anymore is there? there's nothing Oscar can do about this lousy reward he got for this play is there? there's nothing I can do about Daddy cutting me off like some orphan till he gets to the other side is there? or get my breasts fixed up till I get some money to pay for it is there? I mean it's like some crazy Halloween where we sit around here waiting for dark surrounded by these ghosts waiting for supper turning into this bunch of mummies waiting for the evening news with all these things we can't do anything about so that's why you have to do something about something you can do something about like the laundry, Oscar? You want to get a wastebasket for all that crap over there you're throwing away and bring in a broom to sweep up around here?

— Yes but wait Lily, I mean there's something you certainly can do something about immediately and get yourself into a proper hospital for this business about your implants, I mean my God to let a thing like money stop you? I can write a check right now can't I?

— That's not what I meant Christina. I mean I never meant for you to offer to pay for it, it was my own dumb fault wasn't it? letting them do that to me? just so Al could have a good time with…

— Don't be ridiculous. I mean you can't wait to sue Doctor Kissinger while this gel's running around plugging up every crack and cranny in your body God knows what would happen.

— They said this one lady lost her hair and her memory and she's so worn out she can hardly do anything.

— Well my God we can't have you going around the house like that can we, now let's have some tea while Oscar makes his call before it gets dark and we can think about supper.

Frozen fishcakes? and freeze dried, what were they, just add contents of package to 1 cup of cold water bringing to a full boil while stirring gently, turn heat down and simmer for 2 minutes. For a thicker sauce add less water, for a thinner sauce add more water, serve piping hot with your favorite fish, meat or other choice. For a delicious variation sprinkle with grated Parmesan cheese and season to taste following hard upon the visual banquet of Sikhs killing Hindus, Hindus killing Muslims, Druses killing Maronites, Jews killing Arabs, Arabs killing Christians and for a delicious variation Christians killing each other seasoned to taste and served piping hot by the snappy dresser on the evening news but, frozen fishcakes? — Because they were cheap, she said up scraping plates, and later, in the pall fallen over the room, the dark casements and the cold hearth, the only movement a fugitive couple kissing on the silent screen and the unascribed bleat of digestive juices — you know what I never understand here? where all this time we're stuck together in this house, that I don't ever see you read? I mean with all those books in there in the library and these ideas and people from books you're always talking about where all anybody reads around here is the paper and bills and the crosswords and this junk mail and the dumb television but I mean books? reading a book?