William Gaddis - A Folic Of His Own

— Yes oh, I'm sorry yes it's just habit, when I joined Worldwide we were given this fine Dale Carnegie course free, I'm sure being a scholar that you're familiar with his work? when he speaks of using the approach perfected by the ancient Greek philosopher Socarides in getting the yes yes response from his…

— God. Listen, why me Mister Gribble, will you tell me?

— But you started the whole thing after all Mister Crease, the rest of us are just out here picking up the…

— What if he doesn't sign this stuff.

— Yes as I say, we would just have to let things make their difficult way through the courts and I must caution you the other parties, especially the manufacturer have very deep pockets.

— So do you Mister Dribble, so what about these doctor bills and all.

— I'll be glad to discuss it with my office when I take the signed release and affidavit back in yes, yes I think it quite likely they'll be willing to make some sort of voluntary contribution toward…

— You can discuss it right here. I mean I'm not talking about some voluntary contribution I'm talking about the doctor bills and the hospital and the therapist and his lost income, what about his lost income, I'm talking about the whole thing and that chair over there too or all you'll take back to your office is your hat and your ass.

— I ah, yes I don't think I had a hat did I? bent over the plastic portfolio on his lap — now that you speak of it yes, yes in fact I may happen to have brought along something that, what we call a letter of agreement you might say deals with these contingencies if you insist on having it all down in black and…

— That's what I'm doing aren't I? Here Oscar, read it.

— Though in the atmosphere of trust we generally enjoy with our clients it hardly seems necessar…

— You reading it Oscar?

— Yes but, wait where it says here agree to satisfy obligations for fully verified medical and custodial care of a general nature directly resulting from…

— No wait a second, put in all. Put in all obligations, take out that crap about of a general nature and put in all medical care and wait a second, put in dental, put in…

— Well I hardly think…

— You think you're going to get run over like that without practically getting your teeth knocked out? I mean you hear the way he's talking?

— Yes I, yes but I thought it might be the wine, he…

— You want him to sign this stuff or not. And wait a second, what about his loss of earnings in there.

— I believe the ah, I believe the formula is eighty percent up to one thousand dollars monthly but oh, just a moment I brought along a camera somewhere to record the, to satisfy our examiners with evidence of what was described in the claim as permanent significant disfigurement marring the natural expression so as to attract attention referring as I recall to a facial scar which, would you mind turning your face this way Mister Crease? I'm afraid I don't detect any trace of…

— How do you know what his natural expression looks like, you want us to sign this stuff? Just put in there a thousand dollars monthly, go ahead and sign it Oscar.

— It seems somewhat irregular but…

— And you too, you sign it we all sign it what about copies.

— Copies?

— I said copies didn't I? so everybody gets a copy? in a flurry of pen and papers until they sank back for a moment leveling their stares, hers at the collapse on the sofa, his at the floor and the third of them down her blouse until she stood pulling it close.

— Yes I should, I mean I'd better be off yes, it's been a pleasure meeting you both with the opportunity to serve you in the best traditions of Ace Worldwide where our clients always, I didn't bring a hat did I?

— Wait a second.

— But, no but please I think we've cleared everything up haven't we? jamming the papers he'd retrieved back where they'd come from, — the claims are pouring in from that holocaust on the highway near the airport and I'm far behind schedule, you have my phone num…

— It's just this one question, where my brother got killed in this car crash?

— Oh I, I see and, and he was a client of ours too?

— No it's just this question, he got killed in this car my daddy gave him the money to buy it with so then when tragedy strikes there's this religious reverend that steps right in there calling it the death instrument and he talks Daddy into giving all this insurance money from Bobbie to the Lord to cleanse it to make sure him and Mama will get to join Bobbie on the other side when they get there too where it should be mine right here on this side where I need it, I mean I'm his daughter aren't I?

— I see yes, but of course it's your daddy's prerogative to leave his money as he sees fit, that is to say if you were his wife you would be entitled to one third, in some states even half but…

— How could I be his wife, he's already got Mama doesn't he? So I want to sue him.

— But I don't think that would succeed is what I meant to say, unless you could have him declared incompetent, it's not at all uncommon for children to be cut out of their parents' wills and of course his will wouldn't even take effect until he'd passed on because he…

— I don't mean sue Daddy I mean suing this reverend! Daddy's going in for this big operation and if the Lord calls him right in the middle of it then what. If he shows up over there and can't join Bobbie or maybe can't even find him in the crowd then what.

— I think what she's talking about is something in the line of a malpractice suit Mister Gribble.

— But, I see. Might I suggest another approach? his voice abruptly taking a softer, almost intimate tone — if I may take a few more moments of your valuable time? as he sat down again peeling open a separate pocket of the portfolio on his lap. — Of course your feelings are quite understandable, but have you considered weighing them against the spiritual comfort you might enjoy by yielding these funds to the Lord's service in an unselfish gesture of love for your departed brother?

— Are you kidding? and I mean look, suppose Daddy is incontinent but he never gets there anyway because when he gets there he finds out there is no other side then what, where he already paid off this reverend didn't he? and you don't call that malpractice?

— But in such a suit there might be a, as I say I'm not an expert in the law but I think as the plaintiff your daddy's suit from the other side against the reverend would face the problem of jurisdiction, and…

— I'm talking about me suing him right here on this side where he's taking this money that ought to be mine for something he doesn't come through with.

— But you couldn't really prove that he doesn't come through. — Could he prove that he did?

— Sounds more like breach of contract now, doesn't it Gribble? and the glass came down emptied. — Is this all the wine? — It's right there by your foot Oscar. Could he?

— Well but first Miss ah, Lily if I may? He was pulling forth booklets and pamphlets ablaze with flaming colour, radiant with cerulean blues — at least from my long experience with automobile liability policy, the credibility of the parties to the contract in such an action is of primary importance. Of course we have God's own unimpeachable word for the existence of the heavenly realm you refer to as the other side, and in the words of third John sixteen which I'm sure you have known by heart since childhood, where is it now, yes here. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. In other words assuming that your daddy…

— You're not a Mormon there are you Gribble? They stack them up like cordwood there on the other side, talk about finding a face in the crowd they've hollowed out a mountain out west somewhere full of genealogies that go right back to Methus…