William Gaddis - A Folic Of His Own

— God Lily listen slow down, you're…

— With Al out there in the woods trying to shoot down that shit Kevin screwing my girlfriend from long lines look at him! this bastard behind me he keeps trying to pass me look at him! her hands on the wheel white across the knuckles — bastard look at him. Snap your seatbelt.

— Well good God let him pass! his own hand gripping the dash as he looked back at the glare of sunlight on the windshield and the flared nostril snout of the BMW almost within reach — let him! as with no more torque at the wheel than she might have used straightening a picture, righting a teacup, the image coming up behind them veered from sight and was gone in a shearing crash as she swerved for the exit.

— Just don't say it! her voice hoarse with calm before words could shape the sound clogging his throat, sweat glistening on her forehead and her lips clenched tight as her hands on the wheel guiding them now at the pace of a Sunday afternoon drive past brown aprons of lawn and Chic's Auto Body, chain link and post and rail, Dunkin' Donuts, Fred's Foto and used car pennants to draw up unobtrusively among the shopping carts littering the R Dan Snively Memorial Parking Lot.

— What are we doing here?

— She said to pick up some food didn't she? Give me some money.

— But we can wait till we're…

— Just give me some money! and he watched her brisk walk toward the sliding doors slumped there in the silence, the watch moist in the grip of his hand, until it was broken by the distant whine of police sirens coming nearer, coming from all directions, closing his eyes to the screech of an ambulance, opening them wide with confusion at the bustle of grocery bags and the slam of the car's door as she came in beside him and threaded the way back out to the street past Jim's Place, Clips 'n Grooms, Laundr-o-Mat, Biggie's Hideaway, pink flamingos and a plastic madonna in the hideaway blue of an upended bathtub on brown aprons of lawn till he could safely ask — Don't you want me to drive? confident of her scornful silence gliding boldly into the traffic stream on the highway pursued like a distant echo by the howl of an ambulance rapidly overflowing in a burst of flashing lights as it took shape bearing down like the Furies to scream past in a tumult of light and noise — God! do you think anybody…

— I said don't say it, Oscar. Reach in the top of that bag back there Will you? reaching her own unseeing hand to bring the radio to life with an opening chord of Bruckner, to take what he handed her and tear open the cellophane wrap with her teeth, — the sun got in my eyes, okay? she said biting into the Hostess Twinkle, her eyes dead ahead, chewing slowly to the soaring cadences of his ninth symphony which, even in its unfinished state, carried them all the way to the road off the highway, to the byroad, to the gate past STRANGERS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO ENTER without another word between them until she turned, climbing the veranda steps emptyhanded to say — and bring in the newspaper will you? pointing a foot at it there and leaving the doors open for him struggling with the groceries behind her.

— What do you mean happened to notice them!

— Oh! I thought you're upstairs sleeping.

— I'm on the phone with these, these vultures, make some tea will you Lily? Norrie? I said what do you mean she happened to notice them, she wouldn't happen to notice them unless she'd been digging through his shirt drawer would she? What does she… well my God if she thinks they'd suit Leo she can go out and buy him some can't she? and tell her I know every single one of Harry's neckties and I don't… No! I mean my God they're cashmere, how do you know they wouldn't fit Oscar you've never even met him! meant to ask me what? Of course I left suddenly I thought you were both right behind me, what does she… Well my God I certainly do mind Norrie! I mean there are hotels all over town aren't there? What does she… I don't know! I don't know whether I'm going to keep it or not I mean it's not really your business is it? Who? who did, what… well she has no business talking to him about all that, put her on the phone where is she, she… then call her out of the bathroom! what in God's name makes her think I won't need my cosmetics I'm still alive aren't I? Put her on the, Masha? what did… No, she just told me Bill Peyton called what did he… Well God damn it Masha he has no business discussing that with you! You don't know a damn thing about Harry's health or his… because I made the decision! It's what he wanted and I made the decision my God I'm his wife aren't I? It was his… no I have not seen the paper and I don't like the implication that I… of course he had one, of course I've seen it we drew it up together and… why! What do they think is in it! Tell Leo and your father they can read it when it's probated and it becomes a public document everybody can read it, now I'd… No. No I'd just like you both to leave right now and make sure the door locks behind you, and don't… what? Hello? oh that bitch! she slammed it down and sat staring at him. — What's all that.

— It's just groceries, we stopped and…

— Well you're not going to leave them in the middle of the living room floor are you?

— No, no I just put them down to…

— You look like hell, Oscar. Have you been drinking?

— Have I, now? but it's still…

— Where in God's name have you been.

— Well we, you know, we just took him to the airport and…

— That bitch! She just happened to notice those Turnbull and Asser shirts going through every drawer in the place, she can go out and buy some for Leo herself can't she? What in God's name I thought I was doing walking out and leaving them there I thought they were right behind me, would I mind if Masha stays there tonight she doesn't get to New York often and wants to get in some shopping, my God don't they have stores in Cleveland?

— It's awfully hot in here Christina, you don't mind if I turn down the…

— Thank God Lily here, put it down here will you? and as the cup came down trembling — you look pale, are you all right?

— I'm just, I'm okay.

— It tastes a little, did you put something in it?

— I put some whisky in it.

— I think it's just relief Christina, finally having him out of here it's been quite a, quite a relief not starting the day with a game show we've been…

— What in God's name are you talking about, is that the paper? today's paper?

— I just brought it in yes, it's…

— Well give it to me! and will you get those damn groceries out of here as I asked you? tearing through the pages — in the entertainment section where is it, that sweet tone of hers as though he'd just won a medal, have you seen this morning's paper? with that edge to it sounding like we both really knew I'd poisoned him for the insurance money and had him cremated to hide the, no. My, my God no! the paper gone down in a heap and the teacup smashed to the floor before they could reach her.

— Christina here, let me…

— I'm all right! she broke free straightening up, straightening the page — it's the, it's just the picture I've never seen it he looks, he almost looks like somebody I never, who I never… she cleared her throat sharply — well there, you see? It's Bachrach, it's back when he first made partner they send them to Bachrach for the, to impress their clients I'm sorry Lily, have you seen my bag? There are some tissues in it.

— No but listen Christina you don't have to read it now, you…

— Why can't I read it now! I mean I, those vultures have read it haven't they? everybody else has read it? A prominent member of the New York bar and a senior partner in the prestigious law firm Swyne and they got right in there didn't they, that's Bill Peyton getting the firm right in the first line, the cause of death was not disclosed though he had reportedly been in ill health recently where did they get that. Where in God's name did they get that.