William Vollmann - Whores for Gloria

Peggy

Just recently said Peggy I had aggravated a gentleman who'd just murdered someone down the street. It didn't make me feel too good. He was very much pussy-whipped, OK? His old lady just ran the whole show and yet she wasn't doin' shit . I'm very honest; I walked up an' I confronted him about it. He slapped me. I said well that's what you felt you needed to do but my opinion stands. Meanwhile everyone's pulling me away trying to walk me off, saying that this man will stab you in the back when you aren't looking; don't aggravate him. So OK fine. I left it at that. Not more than two days after that he had murdered his girlfriend's trick. Girlfriend's got a real hard time getting dates. I don't know she's just not aggressive enough she's just real stupid. Apparendy she got a date took the date up to her room then Blackwell popped out of the closet and stabbed him, killed him. So now he's on the run an' I don't have to worry about him no more.

Gloria

No Jimmy it's OK, Gloria said, I didn't drink that story, either. And I don't even need many more stories because what I see and remember is already making me what I am.

Her fingernails now came into being, one by one, sparkling with the newness of diamonds.

Peggy

I had a date just last week with a black man, said Peggy. He picked me up asked me if I was clean I told him yes I'm clean only because I use rubbers and I see my doctor faithfully and he says well I don't know about the rubber part I says well if you want to date me that's what you have to do, so he accepts this. And meanwhile he's just asking me questions; you can tell if you're being interrogated. He takes me to the Sunset Inn over on Van Ness and we go up to his room. It's like 1776 or something; I don't think I'd forget his room number. But when I got in there he laid out all his jewelry, so it was kind of a setup to me; I don't steal from my dates. He was putting things where if I were a thief I would've taken them. I said you know I really have a funny feeling that you don't want a date are you gonna hurt me? — If you don't put me in that position he says I won't hurt you. — So I says look I can give you your money back there's no problem here. I can walk home or something. I really don't need this date to the point where I'm gonna get hurt if that's what it's gonna take to satisfy you. He says you know I just want some head and if you're good enough you're not gonna get hurt. Well luckily I'm real good at that. But all the time I was servicing him I was in fear. So when I finished servicing him yeah I could tell that he was checking out where his diamond rings and things were, so I didn't get nowhere near 'em, so I says are you done with me now he says yes I'm done here's a dollar for bus fare. Well I'm not gonna argue with him I'm not gonna say oh , you're not gonna bring me back? I didn't do that. I was pretty shook to where I just walked. You know I'm a pretty good judge of character and you really have to watch out the look they have and the way they drool.

Gloria

Jimmy looked at Gloria again and she cast a shadow now and her flesh had the firmness of flesh; she was completely opaque to the streetlights now, and he understood that when he got up to leave she would walk away with him and be visible beside him forever, and a tremendous pride and excitement pounded in his heart. He knew that she knew all that he had done to clothe and adorn her with memories. He could see her jewelry now; she was becoming that substantial, with the necklace and bracelets and earrings that he had given her that time when he had gotten through the probationary period on his job and the boss looked him dead in the eye and told him Jimmy not only are we going to keep you but we like your work so much we're gonna give you a raise and Jimmy went down to the jewelry store after work and bought rings and bracelets and pearl earrings and scattered them all over the bedroom in little boxes with bows and ribbons and Gloria's eyes got so big when she got home and Jimmy said they're all for you babe and Gloria said but but but where did you get the money? and Jimmy told her and Gloria clapped her hands and rushed around opening her presents hugging him and saying Jimmy you're the best oh look at this oh look how this one sparkles oh Jimmy thank you I love you so I'll never ever leave you. — Gloria made love to him wearing her jewelry and then she arranged it all around the bed where they lay together and the alarm clock was softly ticking and Gloria's face was ever so faintly luminous and Gloria said oh you're so warm, so warm, and Jimmy rubbed her shoulders and Gloria said your skin feels nice and their bodies rested against each other as they were meant to and Jimmy lay watching Gloria sleep and he saw that the second hand of his watch was broken and then he yawned and laid down his head on her shoulder and went to sleep.

But all that had happened long ago because Jimmy did not need it to happen anymore; Gloria was real and finished.

Well Peggy said Jimmy nice talking to you.

At home

He came into the lobby and paid his rent to Pearl and went up the stairs not yet acting as if Gloria were with him (even though she was) for the same reason that at the Black Rose it was taboo to change a wig in public; one always did it in the bathroom; for the same reason that women don't show their cunts to everybody, which is why there are whores. . and Jimmy fell down onto his bed with Gloria beside him and Gloria said I want to move out of here tomorrow and Jimmy said whatever you want, you know I'll do it and she smiled and said I know and he said it does kind of get you here the first time although I forgot that and she said tomorrow we'll start getting used to another place and he said you'll tell me where, won't you? and she said oh come on Jimmy don't be afraid; pretty soon you and I will be living in a nice house and he said it's just that I feel so tired and rested his head on the fluffy pillows that soon became a feast of mashed potatoes covered with the thin brown gravy of dreams.

The next morning Gloria was gone, and Jimmy said well shit I guess I gotta go hear more stories or do something different get real things to anchor her to earth like more hair from Dinah or something like that I don't know.

The truth is, he admitted to himself, I forgot about her for a minute, just like with that cunt Nicole that hurried me up on the kitchen floor!

She came in with me and then I pretended she wasn't there when I paid the rent to Pearl so Pearl wouldn't charge us double and then she was with me on the stairs and I got into bed and yes that's when I forgot her.

She was almost there for real and I forgot her. She got away from me. No sense even calling to her. She's so far away right now she couldn't even hear me.

Jimmy was very downcast. He knew life was going to get worse. Maybe stories aren't enough, he thought. But no; they have to be. Stories and hair.

The night that Jimmy cashed his next SSI check he went out past the brick hotels whose deep-set windows were shaded and curtained so that nobody could see which pair of desperate old eyes peered fiercely out, and fire escapes made Z's upon Z's.

The whore whose stockings were flowers and holes peered fishily at him through her glasses. I heard about you, she said. I'm not letting you shave my pussy.

That's not the kind of hair I want, Jimmy explained patiently. From your head'll work just fine.

Bet you wanna shave my armpits, too, she jeered. Dontcha? Dontcha?

It was so late that it was almost morning, and the night-lights were dead behind barred basement windows and he was tired; he was so tired of pretty girls and their cunts. He did not want to fuck them anymore. Their tits seemed almost as stupid as his cock. He remembered how when he was younger every pretty girl had made him hard, and then later he lusted after pretty girls without getting hard, and later he just enjoyed looking at them, and later he didn't enjoy looking at them so much.