Nuruddin Farah - Hiding in Plain Sight

Dahaba says, “Like a family for the first time.”

Valerie says, “My loving children.”

Salif says nothing, but he allows himself to be photographed.

Bella brings down more of her cameras and poses everyone in different combinations. They are more relaxed now. Valerie and Padmini want the photos sent to their e-mail and there is a pause while they all get their phones and enter addresses. Dahaba is the most excited of all.

Only Salif remains cool. “I don’t want them,” he says. Bella upbraids him in Somali, and Dahaba says, “Why must you be a party pooper?”

Stealing a glance at her wristwatch, Bella sees that it is long past midnight. It will be impossible to get them a taxi back to the hotel, she realizes, unless they have made prior arrangements with the driver who brought them here. Knowing Valerie, this is unlikely. And as reluctant as she is to have them stay overnight, Bella is not about to drive them back to their hotel; it is simply too dangerous.

Valerie is deep in conversation with Dahaba, who is eagerly telling her about a recent incident at school — a classmate with pimples all over her face had used her soap, and Dahaba has been scared to use it since. But Padmini seems to be reading Bella’s mind.

“It’s late, Val,” she interrupts.

Bella looks around with a level gaze, waiting.

“What’s the plan?” Valerie says.

Bella pauses a beat before asking, “Did you arrange a taxi to take you back?”

Padmini says, “I’m afraid we didn’t.”

“Not to worry,” Bella says, because what else can she say? “I don’t think you can get a taxi at this hour, and it’s too late for me to drive you. But there is a spare bedroom down here, with a shower next to it. You’re welcome to stay.”

“Are you sure?” Padmini asks.

Bella says, “There is plenty of space.”

Dahaba wedges her body between Valerie and Padmini, and takes their hands, delighted with the new situation. “Please stay,” she begs. “Pretty please!”

Salif watches from nearby, looking amused.

A discreet nod from Padmini confirms her firm acceptance of the offer. And that settles it all. Dahaba issues a joyous call to order, announcing to the room that Mummy and Auntie Padmini are staying in the spare bedroom for the night.

Padmini corrects her. “One of us will stay in the spare room, the other here in the living room if Bella gives us some bedding for it.”

Valerie receives this news with haughty indifference. Bella thinks that maybe in this partnership it is Padmini who organizes all the pedestrian details. Just as Aar did when he and Valerie were together.

Bella gets bedding and even a spare pair of pajamas for Valerie, who receives them with the insouciance of someone who can’t be bothered. Bella stifles her annoyance — not tonight, she thinks, definitely not tonight.

They say their good nights. Dahaba is the last to go upstairs to bed.

Today Bella does not wake with that lovely open-ended feeling. She wakes with a start and instantly remembers where she is, who is in the house, and what the day ahead holds. She slept fitfully, dimly aware of movement downstairs and up and down the stairs during the night, the sound of the refrigerator opening and water running. Not wanting to intrude, she resisted the urge to go down and see that the food was put away or even to get herself a glass of water. When she slept, she had an exhausting dream in which a man instructed her to sit in one side of an industrial scale while he placed a heap of stones in the other. They repeated the process several times, but somehow no one could tell if the stones were heavier or if she was, or whether the experiment merited the attention they gave it. In the end, she threatened to walk away, no longer caring what might be done to her by way of punishment.

She is too thirsty to stay in bed any longer, so she goes down to get herself a glass of water, soft-footedly cautious. She holds her breath as her right foot touches the creaky lowest step, anxious lest she disturb Padmini on the sofa bed in the living room. But the sofa bed is empty of Padmini.

Now she has a new worry: What will Dahaba think when she discovers that their mother and Padmini are more than business partners? Will she find her mother’s “business partner” still so “lovely”? Bella suspects that Salif has a better idea of what is going on. The guest room door is closed, so Bella switches on the kitchen light. She pours herself a glass of water and then notices that there are crumbs all about. Opening the fridge, she sees that someone has helped themselves to a portion of a hamburger, and the uneaten portion is unwrapped and smeared with ketchup, which is also on the refrigerator shelf. Bella uses a wet cloth to wipe off the ketchup and finds the box near the trash bin with a couple of chips in it. She places the uneaten burger in it and returns it to the fridge then, glass of water in hand, calls to one of the security guards at the gate and asks him if they can please get a packet of fresh eggs and sliced bread. She gives him more money than he needs to purchase these two items and then returns to the house more emboldened than before.

She knows that Aar, unlike most Somalis raised in the urban centers in the south of the country, had no issue with male homosexuality and couldn’t be bothered about lesbianism. As for herself, while the platitude is true — many of her best friends are gay, and some are in openly gay marriages — she acknowledges that maybe she is not quite as advanced in her attitudes as she likes to think. But with her three lovers, she knows that she lives in a house of glass and cannot afford to throw stones at anyone in a similar position. Many Somalis would think there was something wrong with her, would see her as worse than a whore, because no cash exchanged hands.

Freedoms are a package deal, she thinks, useless unless you value them all. Freedom of expression, freedom of religion, freedom to associate with whom you please — all of these are as important as the right to education, to food, to clean water. In Africa, gay men and women are seldom open about their sexual preferences. In many countries homosexuality is a crime, and even where it is not, people talk as if it were alien to the culture of the continent, even though, of course, there are gay people in every society everywhere. In South Africa, the most democratic nation on the continent, vigilantes organize “corrective rape” rampages on known lesbians in the absurd belief that such actions will keep women from desiring relations with anyone besides heterosexual men.

There must be a premium placed on truth-telling in a household with children, she thinks. Discretion — being economical with the information you share — is fine. But your actions must match your words, and you must not describe your relationships as other than they are. There are no hiding places from the young for liars. Valerie and Padmini might think they are being discreet, pretending to sleep in separate beds and then coupling quietly behind closed doors. But it was Valerie’s decision to cut off contact with Aar and the children for all those years, and it has been Valerie’s decision not to speak openly to her children about the choices she has made: “Sisters” and “business partners,” indeed. If you can’t stand the heat, as they say, get out of the kitchen.

It doesn’t help that Valerie and Bella have never gotten on, even when Valerie was living with Aar. But Bella doesn’t want the children to get the impression that her disapproval of Valerie has anything to do with Valerie’s being gay. She realizes she has to make this clear. And she must also remind Salif privately that he must show respect for his mother and accept her choices, no matter what he thinks about her behavior.