James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

But it was just a man done it. A man done it and was a complete thief. I would never do nothing ever ever again, just never ever, never never ever. If something ever happened to me and was ever ever good. Nothing ever could be ever again. If God would save me. It was not my fault. I would make a promise.

I was at my door and had to chap it, usually I flapped the letterbox. Now I just chapped it. I done it quiet. But the door opened and it was my maw Oh Kieron Kieron, where have you been? What happened what happened?

I started greeting. Oh mum a man stole Matt's bike and I was looking for it.

Oh Kieron. My maw came and cuddled me. We were just so worried, your father is out looking for you. He thought you were run over by a bus.

I was away looking for the bike.

Oh you should have come home and told us.

I did not know.

Oh Kieron. My maw stopped cuddling me. You are just so silly You are. Your teacher says so too. You are just so silly.

But mum it is not my fault.

Oh no it never is.

But mum.

I put your tea out a while ago and now it is ice-cold.

I do not want my tea I want to go to bed.

Kieron.

Oh but mum I need to. I am just tired and I am just.

Look at you! You are filfy. What have you been up to? Away and get washed and I will heat up your tea.

But mum I just.

Your father will be up the stair soon.

Oh he will batter me.

He will not batter you. Do not be so silly, he will just be glad you are safe and sound.

I want to go to bed.

Well you cannot, not just now.

She went to the kitchenette and sent me into the bathroom to get washed. But if I wanted to go to bed? How come I could not? If I wanted to go I could go. How come I could not? How come?

If I could just go to sleep. I just needed to. Oh if I could get into my room and just oh if there had been a snib on the door so I could snib it but there was none.

But I could just get under the blankets and snuggle under and I would go to sleep. And just pull the blankets over my head. I liked them over my head. And if Matt was reading and the light was on, that was the best, and just going to sleep. I did not want anybody and not him either, if he was not like a brother, if he did not want me for one, well I did not want him, just to go to bed and under the blankets, and pull them over and I would be underneath.

***

Down near the burn there was a high tree with thick thick branches. I saw it when we first flitted to the new scheme and I went with Matt and his pal. But I forgot about it. But now I remembered again and I wanted to see it and just about climbing or what. I just called it that, the high tree. Its branches went down over the burn and if ye got a rope, ye could make a great swing. I would climb the tree and tie the rope. We could knock the rope off the workies.

Me and the boys went. Peter Wylie and Billy MacGregor came with us. Gary McNab went home first from school but was coming to meet us. Before he did we saw a rabbit and chased it. They had wee holes roundabout and they stayed down there. If ye catched one ye could eat it. Mitch had a knife to do it. He got it someplace. Ye made a fire and flung the rabbit on. There was a story and it said how pirates were fighting natives and getting chased on a desert island. If they got captured they got flung in a pot. They were long pigs. That was what the natives called them. Oh we will kill the long pigs.

Some pirates got caught. And if they got ett, maybe they did. Other ones escaped and were hiding down at the beach feared if the natives catched them. Oh but they were starving and dared to try it and out they went, just creeping. They went hunting for their supper and got a rabbit, they bashed its head in. They flung it in the fire then skinned it and ett it. Ye saw the pictures. The grease ran down their chins and whiskers and in their fingers and they were licking it.

The rabbit we saw got away, maybe into its hole. If we had a dog we could have set it on it. Ye got the rabbit in a corner and bashed its head in. Mitch had a knife and could stab it. Maybe if it was in a bush we would fling boulders at it and knock it out. We were looking but could not find it.

Then Gary was whistling on us, running down the hill.

It was a good dry day and we did some jumps across the burn. We sat down on the bank for a smoke, but then it was a w**k. That was Mitch. Oh I am f*****g going for a wank. Who is coming?

We just laughed at him but sometimes we did. Ye went to yer own bit and shut yer eyes and done it. Ye did not want people looking, so if ye were shivering or yer face went red. So if Podgie was there. He did not do it much and just looked at ye and said stuff. Mitch shivered all the time. Oh see Mitch shivering he is f*****g shivering.

Then if it was me and my face. Oh f**k see Smiddy, look at his face, a big riddy! Hoh Smiddy see your f*****g face!

Him and Gary were laughing at ye. He did not say nothing about Gary But Peter and Billy were there now and they were looking at us when Mitch said it but then they came. We all went behind the bushes. But just when we started Gary saw Peter's c**k and said it, Oh it is a f*****g Gerry's Helmet look! You have got a Gerry's Helmet. Hoh. It is a f*****g Gerry's Helmet! Gary shouted, Peter is a Jewboy.

Peter got a red face. Mitch says to him, Are you a f*****g Jewboy?

No.

Aye ye are, said Gary, yer t****r is cut off at the top.

Cut off at the top?

Aye Smiddy, that is Jewboys. The Gerries f***-**g done it to them, so that is how, it is a Gerry's Helmet.

Show us, said Mitch.

No, said Peter.

Because ye are f****g scared, said Podgie.

No I am no.

Gary laughed.

Come on we will get him, said Podgie. He saw Billy looking but did not bother with him, only laughed to Gary and Mitch and me. He wanted to take down Peter's trousers to see. Would we come in if he started? He did not care about Billy.

Except Billy was Peter's best pal so what would he do? Would he come in with Peter? Because if he got a kicking because with us there, we were with Podgie. He would think we were, so we would get him too.

Mitch said it to Peter, Are ye a f*****g Jew?

No.

Well if yer t****r is cut off at the top, said Gary, that is what they do to Jews.

F*****g show us, said Podgie.

No.

Just f*****g do it you c**t! Podgie could go angry and if he did be careful but just now he was not angry and just nearly laughing. Oh we will f*****g strip ye and throw away yer trousers. We will f*****g dump them in the burn.

Gary laughed. We will dump them in the f*****g burn and ye can just go in and get them.

Podgie was pointing to Peter's trousers. Take them down.

No.

F*****g do it.

He does not want to, said Billy.

Oh are you backing him up?

Are ye? said Gary.

Billy had a big red face and was feared. Ye could see it. Peter was too. He looked at Gary, Oh I can fight my own battles.

Gary just was looking, but I said, Oh it is no a battle to fight, it is just to show us, we just want to see.

It is only just to see, said Podgie. He was not laughing now, just watching Peter. Ye saw that with Podgie, how his eyes just could watch ye. But he thought too about Peter, if he was a good fighter, maybe he was. So if he was a best fighter, I did not think so, but he could give ye a good go. So could Billy. We all knew it from football. So if it was the two of them the gether. They were good fighters.

Is your da a real Jew? said Mitch.

Is he f**k.

He f*****g must be, said Gary.

He f*****g is not, said Peter.

What about yer maw?

No.

Oh but maybe ye are adopted, I said, if ye are an adopted child. If it is not yer real da and ye are adopted because then what happens.