James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

I was just waiting to see because it was me to turn over, I always had to do it just because I was nearest, it was not fair.

My da just sat how he was sitting, no moving, with his newspaper there but he was no reading it. And my maw too, sitting how she was sitting, with her magazine. She read them when she watched the telly. I waited a wee minute more because if the's**y bit passed it would be okay. The man was kissing her.

But it was Matt, because he was there. They waited because of him, if he was not there my maw would have telled me already So now she said it. Oh Kieron would you please switch channels.

So I got up to do it.

Oh what are you sighing about? said my da.

I am no.

Yes ye are, if yer mother tells ye to do something you just do it.

I am doing it.

Aye well just do it and none of yer nonsense.

So I just done it and that was that. But Matt got up and left the room. He done that a lot. They did not like him doing it. My da was angry, ye saw how he was sitting. I sat back down beside the settee. I wanted to get out the way but I could not, if I moved an inch it was me too. I sat still, no moving a muscle and it went on. My maw kept her head down. Was Matt going to come back? So in the distance the plug got pulled, Matt coming out the bathroom, down the lobby and straight into the bedroom and the door shut. So ye knew that was him, he was not coming back. It was because they changed the programme. My da was angry. Matt doing it made them feel stupid.

Oh it is not family viewing, said my maw, if they know families are watching, why not put on something decent, not just dirty things.

Yes, said my da. It is b****y ridiculous what they get away with.

My maw made a wee noise but did not speak. She did not like swearie words or bad words. If he said b****y it was not a very bad one but if he did not say sorry. In my house if ye said a bad word ye were to say sorry. But he did not, my maw was huffy with him. She did not look at the television, only the magazine. My da was reading his paper so now it was only me watching. It was the news. After a wee minute my maw said, You can switch back now Kieron.

It was to see if the's**y bit had finished and it was on to something else. The worst was if the woman and man was in bed and it was worse's*x so ye just had to switch right back again. I done it without my maw saying. But now it was okay. Then Matt came back in. Sometimes he done this, just to see if we had switched back. But my da was still angry and it was against Matt. Oh he is just spoiling everything. That was what my da thought. Then he said, Oh Kieron is it raining?

So I had to go and look out the window. It was raining heavy.

I did not like it. If we were all against Matt, that was it, but I was not against him.

People were waiting. If somebody would talk to Matt or him to us. If my maw would. She did not care if people were not talking she would just say something. She thought what to say, but could not. My da would not speak and neither would Matt. And they would not look at anybody except if my da might look at my maw He gived her a big look so people knew he was doing it. But him and Matt did not look at each other. Then it was all quiet till a big sniff from my da.

But if I said something. If I wanted to I would, but I did not. If it was me with my da it would be worse. Matt did not get the same trouble. I would have got sent to the room if it was me. I even would get hit. If it was a argument, it would come to me. I would just be sitting out the road. It was not me but they made it me. All them just sitting like that. Oh Kieron it is time for bed. But it was not time. Matt was there and just sitting and it was him started it with leaving the room. It was not me done it but it was me got the blame.

I just waited and stayed beside the settee. No supper was made but I was not going to make it.

I did not talk but just sat. If I talked and done it ordinary I would get a row. Matt would not get it. He spoke the proper way He never got a row, he was the goodie. It was me was the baddie, even if it was him.

Ye just got sick of it, so if they were going to pick on me, I was not letting them, I just got up and went to the window then went straight out the door, and ben the kitchenette. It was raining heavy out the balcony. Out the front and out the back.

Then what I done I made the supper. That got them. Where did Kieron go. So they came in and here I was making the toast, and for them too.

That was me, I just went and done it.

If it was not me it was my maw. If I did not and she did not ye did not get any. Matt ett all what he got and so did my da but nothing else. They did not even rinse their cups. My maw done it or else left it till the morning. A lot of times I done it. If I was there and cups were lying, I just rinsed them. Maybe if the toast was on and I was waiting. I done any dishes. I did not care.

***

I had a plank under the bed and I kept money there. My maw did not go under the bed much except if she was brushing the floor. Sometimes she did that, getting angry, Oh the house is a complete pigsty, nobody does a stroke in this house. That was what she said. But if it was just me she said it to? That happened a lot of times. She got angry and it was only me there. My da was at work and Matt was not in. How come it was me? She was getting on to me, if I was lazy. That was not fair. I was the one that helped, so then ye got rows. How come she did not do it to Matt or else my da? It was me that helped with the tidying, no them.

So if I done something for somebody, that was the same. If I got a row for that. That was not fair. If it was a woman round our street maybe if she forgot her key and was locked out the house. She was down the back hanging out a washing. Then the front door slammed shut, Oh I am locked out I am locked out. Because she had forgot her key. That happened. So if I could climb the balcony for them. It was the boy or lassie came and asked ye, Oh Kieron my maw's locked out.

I was quick up the ronepipe and it was easy except it was wet ye had to watch it. But I aye wore sandshoes and got a good grip on the jaggy bits behind the pipe. Ye got yer hand more in it, tight, yer knuckles got scraped. But it was not sore. Ye did not notice till if it was bleeding but it was only a wee bit.

If it was just the wee top window open at the bathroom it was hard, ye had to reach across and it was just yer fingertips and ye were having to be just quiet and not hardly moving. Ye put yer hand through and reached down to get the handle for the big window. When ye done that ye were seeing down to the ground and there was the woman's face looking up at ye and her hand at her mouth, or if she was smoking a fag.

Then the big window open and I got in and my foot down on the toilet pan. But ye had to watch it there if ye kicked the top bit and it fell off. Sometimes I done a pee in the toilet before going out. Ye opened the front door and the woman came in then the wee children. I liked doing it. People looked up to ye. That was what I thought. And then ye got money. If she did not give any it was bad. It was because she forgot. I said it to the wee children, Oh tell yer maw did she give Kieron any money for climbing the balcony?

So then she sent them up with it. So if they chapped the door, I had to go and get it so my maw would not see. Oh if you are getting money. How come?

But the real worst was if the window was shut, if ye forgot to look before ye climbed. So all ye could do was go back down. And if ye ripped yer trousers, that was when ye did it. Oh you are always ripping yer trousers! That was a row off yer maw, she had to sew them up. I hid them and took them over to my grannie's.

But that was funny how people thought ye could still get in. The kitchenette door was locked and the windows all were shut and they still thought it. Ye climbed back down and they were looking at ye. Oh what is wrong? Why ye did not go in?