H. Adler - Panorama

Frau Machleidt comes for a day or two each month to do the sewing, and she also goes to Ludwig’s mother and others, so that she has enough work in general, sewing shirts and underwear and repairing most anything, since one has to scrimp these days, and one rarely buys new clothes. Frau Machleidt doesn’t go to Bubi’s house, for Tata sews everything there, making clothes for Kitti and for Bubi’s mother and herself that Frau Machleidt doesn’t know how to make, though the latter sews faster than Tata, everyone ending up happy with the situation, for Frau Machleidt doesn’t take breaks, Anna placing the midmorning snack and coffee on the sewing machine, where Frau Machleidt eats with one hand and sews with the other. Josef likes to go in and watch her, for Frau Machleidt likes to talk with him and explains how the sewing machine works, a thread running down from above and up from below in order to hold everything togther nice and tight.

Josef always wants to see what it looks like when the machine turns, because he likes to see the thread wind onto the shuttle since it’s so wonderful to see, and Frau Machleidt does just that. Her life had once been happier, when her husband, who was as good as Josef’s own father, was alive, everyone liking Herr Machleidt, but when Helmut was one his father became very sick, and several doctors were consulted, each of them shaking his head and saying, Dear Frau Machleidt, you must prepare yourself for the worst, though she continued to hope, because her husband had been so strong, and she loved him very much, and prayed to God above to make Herr Machleidt healthy again, but it did no good, as the sickness got worse and worse, and the doctors could do no more. Then Herr Machleidt died peacefully in his sleep, and she was alone with the children amid dire need, thus Josef should be thankful because he still had his dear parents, or so said Frau Machleidt, for you have only one set of parents, otherwise there are only stepparents, though Frau Machleidt never wanted to marry again, not wanting a stepfather for the children, because she didn’t think it was good for them, at which Aunt Gusti grew annoyed and said, “Even complete strangers are sometimes better than your own parents. Frau Machleidt is unreasonable, and not everyone has such good parents as you do, Josef.” Frau Machleidt didn’t take it well when Josef told her what Aunt Gusti had said. “Child, that is mean of you. You shouldn’t just spit out anything that you hear.” Josef doesn’t know why he shouldn’t do that, because the mother always says that you shouldn’t keep secrets, especially a child, nor does Josef want others to do so, because he wants to know everything.

Bubi and Ludwig have lots of secrets and often tell them to Josef, saying that he can’t tell them to anyone else, though he doesn’t agree, which is why he never swears to, refusing to commit to either his most earnest or even most casual word of honor, though he does say, “If you don’t want to tell me, then I don’t have to know.” Then they tell him everything anyway, after which Bubi says, “If you tell anyone, you’re a no-good creep, and I’ll be mad at you.” Josef doesn’t want that and therefore he says nothing, even though he hasn’t promised anything, and it wouldn’t be a sin if he did say something, but he betrays nothing. Josef believes that real secrets are only those you keep to yourself, and they are only what you believe and would say to no one, because you wouldn’t know what to say if you did, and such secrets will exist until you know everything, but even then you’ll know how everything is and how it is not, and you’ll be able to say just how it is so, but when you’re young you still have to search for the truth and ask questions, and, when no one wants to tell you, you have to ask again and again until you have learned everything and know it all.

The mother knows almost everything, but Josef is uncertain whether the father does, because the father has so much to do, and when you are allowed to talk to him he is so tired that you can’t ask him any kind of hard question, as he says, “Child, that’s what books are for, or ask someone at school.” Aunt Gusti knows a great deal, since she is a teacher, but she doesn’t know enough, because she says, “You never stop learning. You have to keep applying yourself in order to learn from more gifted people.” Aunt Betti doesn’t believe that and says, “I don’t need to know everything. Everyone knows enough for himself. That’s enough for me.” The grandmother knows a lot, for she remembers the father when he was little and much more that happened before then, but she doesn’t like that Josef asks so many questions. “You’ll soon see. We do the best we can for you.” Fräulein Reimann also knows a good deal, but she has too little time and has to explain everything to the entire class, and because many of them don’t understand she has to repeat herself ten times, and yet still the children don’t know anything, thus making the teacher mad when she has to give them bad grades. Anna doesn’t know much, but she says, “I don’t need to know a lot. Whoever works doesn’t have to have a lot in his head. But Angela was such a clever child that she astounded people with how gifted she was as a little girl.”

Bubi always says that all girls are dumb, only Kitti is smart and will marry a prince who will carry her off in his carriage, but she’s still a little girl, younger than Angela was, and she knows very little, though Tata is very proud of her, since Kitti can already count to ten, as Tata says, “What a little scamp! No one even taught her. She learned it all by herself.” But Kitti certainly didn’t learn it all by herself, for it was Bubi who showed her again and again, showing her on the adding machine in order to teach Kitti, for she couldn’t do it on her own. Bubi also thinks that Tata is not too smart, otherwise she wouldn’t work so much, though whoever is clever is paid a lot, like his father, who is a director, everyone having to call him Herr Director, though he’s not the same as the director of a school. Bubi thinks that if he doesn’t become a general he’ll be a director, though general is much better, at which Bubi asks Josef what he wants to be. Josef, however, doesn’t want to say that he’d really like to be a streetcar conductor, that it’s the best job, because you ride through the city all day and see so many people, as he’s embarrassed and worried that Bubi will laugh at him, so he says that he doesn’t know.

Fräulein Jedlitschka knows hardly anything, and everyone agrees that she’s so dumb that she can only play games and nothing more, for she is so bad at darning socks that the grandmother says she has to redo them herself, because the Fräulein mends the holes with thread in such a way that they all rip open again and are worse yet. Now the girl has to go away because she has taken something, and there’s nothing worse than taking things without asking permission, though Josef doesn’t know what the girl has taken, and Anna has not told him. “That’s none of my business. That’s your mother’s business. I’ve never taken anything. I worked for eight years for Angela’s parents.” On Sunday the family sits together and talks about the nanny, and the mother says, “There’s a saying in English that one should never take as much as a needle. Josef, there’s nothing worse in the world than to take something that doesn’t belong to you.” The father then says, “The child doesn’t understand at all, Mella. We shouldn’t involve him in this business. Josef, run along and play.” The mother replies, “You’re right, Papa.” And then the grandmother, “Get rid of her, I say, get rid of her! No one wants to be looking over your shoulder all the time.” But Aunt Betti says, “That will cause bad blood. You should give the nanny a letter tomorrow morning in which you suggest that she should look for a new position, since, unfortunately, you have to dispense with her services.” Yet Aunt Gusti says, “Excessive kindness is also wrong. You just have to say to her without insulting her, ‘We’re sorry, Fräulein Jedlitschka, but we’ve decided to let you go at the end of the month. Please make the necessary arrangements.’ ” The father, however, disagrees. “I like a clean slate. I will give the nanny her last pay tomorrow and say that she doesn’t need to come back.” And then everyone says, “That’s much too good a deal. You’d have to say so yourself, Oskar!” The grandmother then says, “If you’re going to pay her what she has coming, then she should work for it as well. Everything needs to come to a good end, and then nothing more will come of it.” The mother agrees, and no one else is against it, all of them agreed, all of them saying that there will not be another nanny, for they are done with nannies.