David Peace - Red or Dead

The players got back on the bus. Bob Paisley, Joe Fagan, Reuben Bennett, Ronnie Moran and Tom Saunders got back on the bus. And Bill got back on the bus. Bill still laughing, Bill still joking. All the way back to Anfield. Everybody now joking, everybody now laughing. All the way back to Anfield. Everything the same, the same as before. As though nothing had changed.

The players got off the bus at Anfield. And Bill got off the bus at Anfield. The players went into Anfield. And Bill went into Anfield. Bill laughing, Bill joking. In the dressing rooms. The Anfield dressing rooms. The players took off their boots, the players took off their tracksuits. In the dressing rooms. The Anfield dressing rooms. Bill took off his boots. Bill took off his sweater and his tracksuit bottoms. Bill joking, Bill laughing. The players went into the baths. The Anfield baths. And Bill went into the baths. The Anfield baths. Bill laughing, Bill joking. The players washed and changed. And Bill washed and changed. Bill joking, Bill laughing. And then the players said goodbye. And Bill said goodbye. Bill still laughing, Bill still joking. The players went out to their cars. The players went back to their houses. Everybody happy, everybody smiling. In the sunshine. The Anfield sunshine. Bill did not go out to his car. Bill did not go back to his house. But Bill was still happy, Bill was still smiling. The sun still shining. The Anfield sun. His day not done. His day not over yet.

Back in his suit, back in his tie. His red tie. His Liverpool Football Club tie. Bill went back down the corridor. Bill went back up the stairs. Bill went back into his office. Bill walked back around the bags of mail. The mountain of bags and bags of mail. Bill sat back down behind his desk. Bill reached back into the bag of mail on top of the mountain of bags and bags of mail. Bill took out another letter. Bill opened the letter. Bill read the letter. The letter on his retirement. The letter wishing him well in his retirement. And Bill shook his head. Bill put down the letter. Bill put the letter to one side. And Bill reached back into the bag of mail. Bill took out another letter. Bill opened the letter. Bill read the letter. The letter of congratulations on winning the Cup. The letter of thanks. And Bill smiled. Bill put down the letter. Bill opened the top drawer of his desk. Bill took out a piece of paper. Bill closed the top drawer of his desk. Bill threaded the piece of paper into his typewriter. Bill turned the platen knob. And Bill began to type again. Bill began to work again. To type and to type. To work and to work. To answer letter after letter. Letters of congratulations and letters of thanks. Bill typed and Bill typed. Bill worked and Bill worked. All afternoon. Until afternoon became evening. Bill worked.

Bill stopped typing. Bill looked at his watch. Bill got up from his desk. Bill picked up his bag from the floor. His kit bag. Bill walked around the bags of mail. The mountain of bags and bags of mail. Bill took his hat off the hook. Bill put on his hat. Bill went out of his office. Bill went down the stairs. Bill went down the corridor. Bill went out of the ground. Bill walked across the car park. Bill got into his car. Bill pulled out of the car park. Bill went down the Belmont Road. And Bill saw people getting off the buses. On their way home from work. Bill turned onto the West Derby Road. And Bill saw people going into the newsagents. Buying their evening paper. And Bill smiled. Bill pulled into the drive. Bill got out of the car. Bill opened the front door. And Bill saw Ness. In the hall. Waiting –

Where have you been all day, asked Ness.

Bill laughed. Bill took off his hat. Bill hung up his hat. Bill kissed Ness on her cheek. And Bill said, I’ve been at work. At Melwood and at Anfield. Where else would I have been, love?

I’m sorry, said Ness. I was worried, love. I thought you were just popping into the ground. I thought you’d be back sooner.

Bill shook his head. And Bill said, Oh no, love. There was too much to do. The training to take, the letters to answer.

Well, there are some more letters for you here, love, said Ness. Ness picked up a big bundle of envelopes from beside the telephone. And Ness handed the big bundle to Bill.

Bill looked down at the big bundle of envelopes. Of cards. And Bill said, What are all these, love? It’s not my birthday yet, is it?

No, said Ness. They are probably retirement cards.

Bill put down the big bundle of envelopes back beside the telephone. And Bill said, That’s nice, love. People are very kind. But I’ll look at them later, love. After my tea. I’m starving, love …

You look exhausted, too, said Ness.

Bill shook his head again. And Bill said, Oh no, love. I’m fine. I’ve never felt better. I’m just hungry, love. I could eat a horse!

Well, it’s your favourite, said Ness. Steak and chips.

Bill clapped his hands. And Bill said, Oh, that’s grand. Thank you, love. There’s no finer food to come home to. Just what I need.

In the kitchen, at the table. Bill and Ness ate their tea. A piece of steak, some chips and some peas. And then Bill helped Ness clear away the tea things. Bill dried up the tea things. Bill helped Ness put away the tea things. And then Bill and Ness went into the front room. Bill and Ness watched the television. They watched the news and they watched a documentary. Then Bill drew the curtains and Ness made another cup of tea. They read the papers and they talked about the girls. And their granddaughters. And then Ness stood up. Ness kissed Bill on his cheek. And Ness went up the stairs. Up to bed.

In the house, in their front room. In the evening and in the silence. Bill sat in his chair. His hands on the arms of his chair. His grip tight, his knuckles white. Bill felt his palms begin to sweat, his palms begin to itch. Bill began to drum his fingers. On the arms of the chair. Faster and faster, harder and harder. And then Bill stopped. In the house, in their front room. In the evening and in the silence. Bill got up from his chair. Bill walked out of the front room. Bill went into the hall. Bill opened his bag. His kit bag. And Bill took out a book. A book of names, a book of notes. Bill closed his bag. His kit bag. Bill walked back into the front room. Bill sat back down in his chair. And in the house, and in their front room. In the evening and in the silence. Bill opened the book. The book of names, the book of notes. A new book. Bill turned to the first page. A blank page. Bill stared down at the blank page. In the house, in their front room. In the evening and in the silence. Bill picked up a pen from the table beside his chair. And Bill began to write in the book. The book of names, the book of notes. Bill wrote out the names of the players of Liverpool Football Club. Bill made notes on the training they had done today. The first day of training. Of the pre-season. Before the new season. The 1974–75 season. Player after player, note after note, line after line, for page after page. Bill wrote and Bill wrote. Bill worked and Bill worked. All evening. Until evening became night.

In the front room, in his chair. In the night and in the silence. Bill stopped writing. Bill put down his pen. Bill closed his book. His book of names, his book of notes. Bill got up from his chair. Bill turned out the light in the front room. Bill went into the kitchen. Bill went to the drawer. Bill opened the drawer. Bill took out the tablecloth. Bill closed the drawer. Bill walked over to the table. Bill spread the cloth over the table. Bill walked over to another drawer. Bill opened the drawer. Bill took out the cutlery. The spoons. The forks. And the knives. Bill closed the drawer. Bill walked back over to the table. Bill laid two places at the table. Bill went to the cupboard. Bill opened the cupboard door. Bill took out the crockery. The bowls and the plates. Bill walked back over to the table. Bill put a bowl and a plate in each of the two places. Bill walked back to the cupboard. Bill took out two glasses. Bill closed the cupboard door. Bill walked back to the table. Bill put a glass in each of the places. Bill walked to another cupboard. Bill opened the door. Bill took out the salt and pepper pots. Bill closed the cupboard door. Bill walked back to the table. Bill put the salt and pepper pots on the table. Bill went to the pantry. Bill opened the pantry door. Bill took out a jar of honey and a jar of marmalade. Bill walked back to the table. Bill put the jar of honey and the jar of marmalade on the table. Bill walked over to the refrigerator. Bill opened the refrigerator door. Bill took out the butter dish. Bill walked back over to the table. Bill put the butter dish down in the centre of the table. Bill walked back over to the refrigerator. Bill took out a bottle of fresh orange juice. Bill closed the refrigerator door. Bill walked back over to the table. Bill poured orange juice into both of the glasses. Bill put the bottle of fresh orange juice down on the table. Bill walked over to the kitchen wall. Bill turned to look back at the table. At the cutlery and the crockery. The salt and pepper pots. The jar of honey and the jar of marmalade. The butter dish. The two glasses and the bottle of fresh orange juice. Waiting. For the dawn and for the light. And Bill smiled. Bill switched off the kitchen light. And Bill went up the stairs. Up to bed.