Adam Thirlwell - Politics

Look, I could end the ending right here. And if I ended this here, it would be a very sad story. It would be the story of Nana’s loneliness. If I were nasty, then I would probably do that. But I am not nasty. I am nice. This whole book is nice. Niceness, I reckon, is what you have come to expect from me.

So I will carry on.

7

‘No, no,’ said Nana. ‘Scomplicated. Zcomplicated. We. We.’ She paused and paused and paused. ‘We were kind of all living together, pretty much,’ she said. She paused.

OK, before I go any further, I should explain about Nana and Papa and sex. They were not a prudish couple, they were friendly about sex. It might not have been a usual topic of conversation, but when it was, it was carefree and unfussed. Sex was smilingly neutral. But this does not mean it was easy for Nana, explaining all this. It was still a little tricky, telling Papa about her experience in a menage a trois.

She said, ‘We were kind of a threesome.’ ‘You were a threesome?’ said Papa. ‘I, yeah,’ said Nana. There was another pause. There were a lot of pauses in this conversation. I think you will have to imagine them for yourself. I can’t write in all of the pauses. ‘Why did you never tell me?’ said Papa. ‘I dohno,’ said Nana. ‘I just, I just. I didn’t need to, I spose.’ ‘So how long were you a three?’ said Papa.

Because sex was a neutral topic, it was a shock for Papa — discovering that Nana had been part of a menage a trois — but it was not a moral one. It was not disapproving. Papa was not that kind of parent. It was absolute surprise.

He did not quite know why he was chatting to her like this. He was talking to her in the same way he used to chat to her about school. But Papa was not sure what tone to take. After all, it is not the most usual situation — convalescing from a stroke or tumour, while chatting to one’s daughter about her extraordinary sex life.

‘Oh a few months,’ said Nana. ‘Since we got back from Venice.’ ‘A few months. Okay,’ said Papa.

Papa felt very tired. He felt utterly amazed and tired.

8

This is another moment in my novel where you must not let your own private theories affect how you read. In this case, you must not let your theories about parents influence you. There are lots of parents in the world. They all have their quirks. So I do not think there is one predictable way for a parent to respond in this situation. When your child tells you that they have just left a menage a trois, there are a lot of options available.

I am just going to describe the way that Papa responded. I am not laying down any general rules here.

‘I’m not. I’m not going to pry,’ said Papa.

‘No, zfine,’ said Nana.

‘I’m, I’m obviously surprised.’

‘Uhhuh.’

‘It’s. So this thing, this is over?’

‘Yup.’

So far, Papa was not really responding at all. He was just trying to understand. He was trying to get some definitions.

‘No what do you mean?’ said Papa. ‘You were in a menage a trois? In a, in a proper menage a trois?’

‘Yup,’ said Nana.

‘So all that, all that moving in with Moshe. That was moving in with Anjali as well?’

‘Well kind of. Not exactly. She had a key.’

‘Oh so.’

‘She was there most of the time.’

‘Jesus,’ said Papa.

It was not that he was a patriarch, Papa. So this was not an angry ‘Jesus’. It was an amazed and astounded ‘Jesus’. It was a ‘Jesus’ out of its depth.

‘So. So. You haven’t broken up with Moshe?’ said Papa. ‘No I have,’ said Nana.

‘I mean, but you’ve broken up with Anjali as well?’ ‘Well okay with her as well yeah.’

9

So Papa had a mental sketch. This sounded like a classic menage, he thought. It was a filmic menage. It was just like Jules et Jim. (Apart from me, you will remember, in this novel only Papa has seen Jules et Jim.)

‘What was it like? No I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that,’ said Papa.

‘Sokay,’ said Nana.

‘But what was it like?’ said Papa.

Maybe, just maybe, this shocks you. According to you, a father should not ask his daughter about the details of her sex life. Asking might seem prurient. Well, I disagree. There was a naughty side to Papa. He was finding it very funny, Nana’s French and farcical love life. And Papa’s naughtiness was making him curious. This may be similar to prurience, but I do not think that matters. It just shows how intimate Nana and Papa were. Prurience, I think, is OK. A menage is fascinating. Surely you know that by now. I do not think I would like a person who was stolid and unfascinated by a menage a trois .

‘Well it was weird,’ said Nana. ‘It was. It was difficult sleeping.’

This was not an answer, really. It was not the kind of answer Papa wanted. It was much too sociological.

‘So you slept together?’ said Papa. ‘I mean, it was always three to a bed?’

‘Um,’ said Nana. ‘Yes.’

‘It was difficult sleeping?’

‘Anjali gets nightmares. She gets. She gets nightmares.’ ‘Uhhuh.’

‘She was in the middle.’

‘Okay.’

‘We don’t have to talk about this,’ said Papa.

‘No it’s fine,’ said Nana. ‘I said that.’

The thing was, Papa assumed that Nana was a sexual expert. He thought that she must be a sack artist. Anyone who had been one-third of a menage, he thought, must be a sack artist. It was logical. Repression would not come into it. Asking questions was not a problem.

But Nana was not a sack artist. I assume that you also know that by now.

‘I just don’t quite understand,’ said Papa.

‘Don’t understand what?’ said Nana.

‘Well I’m just intrigued by the. I’m just.’

‘You’re what?’

‘Well. Was it. Did Moshe watch while you and Anjali? Or.’

‘Yeah sometimes.’

‘Right. But not together?’

‘Not together?’

‘Not all three of you together. At once.’

‘Well sometimes.’

‘Uhhuh.’

‘But it’s tricky.’

‘Oh the. The positions.’

‘Yeah kind of. Yes. You have to be careful.’

‘Yes of course. I see. Yes. The positions.’

‘Did it just come naturally?’ said Papa.

‘What the sex?’ said Nana.

‘Well yes. The, um, the positions. Did it? Did you know where to put yourself naturally?’

‘It was. Well it wasn’t too difficult.’

‘No?’

‘It was. It seemed easy enough.’

‘But how did you decide?’ said Papa.

‘We,’ said Nana.

‘I mean did you discuss what would happen beforehand?’ ‘We.’

‘I don’t know. I. It just seems so complicated.’

‘And Moshe. He had sex with Anjali as well,’ said Papa. ‘Yes. Yes,’ said Nana.

‘In front of you?’

‘Well yeah. Or when I wasn’t there as well.’

‘And this didn’t? You weren’t upset?’

‘Why would I be?’

Nana was trying to be a sack artist. She was trying to sound like a sack artist. And she was doing very well. But quite frankly, Papa was more cool about sex than Nana was, I think.

‘Was it embarrassing, like that?’ said Papa.

‘Like what?’ said Nana.

‘Together.’

‘Oh no no no no no.’

‘Really not?’

‘Oh no.’

‘I just would imagine it would be so complicated.’ ‘Not. No not really.’

‘I mean. It’s tricky enough with two of you.’

Sitting together on Papa’s bed, whose duvet cover had an innovative design of small white lions and falcons and fruit trees on a magenta background, Nana and Papa giggled. They got the giggles.