Yu Hua - Brothers

Baldy Li shoved Song Gangs hand aside and said, "I don't smoke."

The girls all fell silent, petrified with fear. Baldy Li calmly handed Lin Hong the vasectomy certificate. Lin Hong, not knowing what this was, made no move to accept it but, rather, looked over at her new husband. Song Gang reached for it, but Baldy Li pushed his hand away, instead handing the certificate to one of the girls and asking her to pass it to Lin Hong. Lin Hong took this medical record but didn't understand its significance. Baldy Li instructed, "Open it and look inside. What does it say?"

Lin Hong opened it and saw the word vasoligation. She still didn't understand and whispered to one of the girls standing next to her, "What does vasoligation mean?"

While several girls were crowding forward to look at the case history, Baldy Li said to Lin Hong, "What does vasoligation mean? It means castration. I just went to the hospital to have myself castrated."

The girls cried out in surprise, and Lin Hong went pale. During that period it was common in Liu to have newly purchased roosters caponized, then cook and eat them once they were full grown. That way, they would be especially tender, and wouldn't have that distinctive rooster taste. People usually called these caponized roosters fresh roosters. Upon hearing that Baldy Li had gone to the hospital to have himself castrated, one of the girls asked in surprise, "Are you now a fresh man?"

At this point Writer Liu decided to make his presence known. He slowly stood up and took the medical record from Lin Hong. He read over it and with a scholarly tone corrected the girl, saying, "No, castration and vasoligation are two entirely different things. After castration you become a eunuch, while after vasoligation you can still …"

Writer Liu glanced at the girls in the room and didn't finish his sentence. The girl persisted: "Can still what?"

Baldy Li impatiently specified, "Can still sleep with you."

The girl blushed with fury and replied through gritted teeth, "No one would want to sleep with you."

Writer Liu nodded in agreement with Baldy Li and added, "It just means that he can't have children."

Baldy Li nodded enthusiastically at Writer Liu's clarification. He took back his medical record and said to Lin Hong, "Given that I can't have children with you, I won't have any with anyone." Having said this, the unswervingly faithful Baldy Li turned and walked out of Lin Hong's new home. Once outside he paused, then turned to her and said, "Remember: Baldy Li will always get right back up from where he fell."

Then he spun around like a Spanish toreador and left. For the first seven steps he heard no sound from the newlywed house. As he took his eighth step, however, the entire house behind him burst into laughter. He hesitated a second, then shook his head in disappointment. Song Gang came running after Baldy Li, who was by now limping away. He grabbed Baldy Li by the arm and said, as if wanting to say a whole lot more, "Baldy Li …"

Baldy Li paid Song Gang no heed. Instead, grasping his groin, he continued limping down the street with a martyred air, with Song Gang following close behind. After a while, Baldy Li turned and said quietly, "Go on back."

Song Gang shook his head. He opened his mouth, but the only thing that came out were the words "Baldy Li …"

Baldy Li saw Song Gang standing there without moving and quietly urged him, "Damn it, today you are the groom. Go on back inside."

Song Gang finally found the words to say what was on his mind: "Why would you want to cut off all hope of having descendants?"

"Why?" Baldy Li repeated miserably. "Because I have become disillusioned with the mortal world."

Song Gang shook his head sadly. He watched Baldy Li walking slowly down the road. After about ten paces, Baldy Li turned around and told Song Gang sincerely, "Take good care of yourself."

Song Gang felt a stab of sorrow. He knew that from this point on the two brothers would go their separate ways. As he watched Baldy Li limp away he suddenly remembered the first time they had parted. His grandfather had held his hand at the village gate, watching as Li Lan led Baldy Li by the hand down the country road.

Liu Town's toreador walked away without turning back. On the street he encountered Little Scissors Guan. Little Guan saw that Baldy Li was limping and grasping his abdomen with his left hand, so he called out to him curiously. He asked if he had a bellyache. Baldy Li had not yet had a chance to respond when Little Guan peremptorily suggested, "Roundworms. I'm sure its roundworms chewing up your intestines."

At that point Baldy Li was still reveling in the martyrdom of his vasectomy With the air of one who had made a heroic sacrifice, he grasped Little Guan, held up his medical record, and asked scornfully, "What are roundworms?"

Then he opened his medical record and showed it to Little Guan, specifically pointing out the word vasoligation on the front. Little Guan carefully read through the record, constantly complaining about how poor the doctors handwriting was. After he finished, he still didn't know what vasoligation meant, so he asked Baldy Li to explain.

Baldy Li perked up and announced proudly, "Vasoligation? That means castration."

Little Guan asked in astonishment, "You cut off your dick?"

"What do you mean by cut off?" Baldy Li was not pleased by Little Scissors Guan's choice of words and corrected him. "It was not cut off, it was ligated."

"That is to say," Little Guan asked, "you still have your dick?"

"Of course I do." Baldy Li stroked his crotch with his right hand and added, "It is still completely intact."

Then Baldy Li heroically said, "I originally wanted to cut it off, but then when I thought about having to squat down to pee like a woman, I felt that would be rather unbecoming and therefore decided to have it ligated instead."

Baldy Li patted Little Guan's shoulder, grasped his abdomen, and, waving his vasectomy certificate, slowly limped away. Little Guan stood there laughing uncontrollably. Then, pointing at Baldy Li, he told everyone that Baldy Li had gotten himself ligated, which is to say castrated — although, he then noted for the sake of precision, Baldy Li's dick was still intact. As Baldy Li walked farther and farther into the distance, the crowd around Little Guan kept growing. They excitedly discussed Baldy Li, agreeing that this had been a most entertaining day. What the crowd did not anticipate, however, was that a decade later Baldy Li would single-handedly account for the GDP of the entire county.

BALDY LI'S road to GDP-dom began in Liu Town s Good Works Factory. How could he have known that his early romantic setback was a blessing in disguise? After he had his heart broken by Lin Hong, he went back to the factory and proceeded to produce one profit miracle after another. This was the era when Deng Xiaoping's reforms had just begun to affect the general economy. The more Baldy Li thought about it, the more convinced he became that he was an entrepreneurial genius. If he was able to strike it rich leading a motley crew of two cripples, three idiots, four blind men, and five deaf men, then if he were able to command fifty college graduates, forty M.A.'s, thirty Ph.D. s, and twenty postdoctorate fellows, wouldn't he become as rich as an oil tanker?

As soon as Baldy Li reached this earth-shattering conclusion, he immediately ordered his fourteen loyal minions to put down whatever they were working on and attend the most urgent emergency meeting in the factory's history. A moment earlier he had been on the phone negotiating a new contract for his factory, but as soon as he hung up he decided to resign. He proceeded to deliver an hourlong impassioned speech in which he spent fifty-nine minutes praising his own achievements and the final minute reapproving the two cripples as the factory's director and deputy director. He concluded by sadly declaring that they, the Good Works Factory's workers, had unanimously accepted Director Baldy Li's letter of resignation. Baldy Li tearfully concluded, "Thank you!"