Harold Jaffe - Induced Coma

Correction: Broadcasting how much she loved how I was loving her.

I hope to fuck I never become allergic to neoprene cuz I wear a neoprene cockring & nut stretchers almost everyday.

The feeling you have around your cock and nutz is so natural.

I have different sizes for day wear & fucking.

Too bad they don’t sell the extra wide version anymore — here’s the true pig coming out in me: I fucking love the smell after a few nights of fucking with that wide puppy.

Oh yeah, I’m a college student & wear it to class.

I sit through 3 hours of boring lectures & not once does it pinch.

Indeed, the G-spot corresponds to the upper palate; I’m gratified that has finally been revealed. So too does the left eyeball correspond to the anus; even as the middle knuckle on the left hand corresponds to the lingam. Blowing your nose has a secret affinity with orgasm, male and female; and if you undergo a rhinoplasty, which has become fashionable in our global village, your orgasm potential will gradually alter until aligned with your new nose. If you belch more than twice before sex be prepared to queef during sex.

Truly, Homo sapiens is a marvel of symmetry.

To combat his chronic flatulence, Hitler ingested massive amounts of a drug containing the rat poison strychnine.

His physicians worried that he was poisoning himself by degree.

Nor did the drug alleviate his gas.

It turns out now that eBay is auctioning an “authentic Hitler fart” reportedly bottled and sealed by a Hauptsturmführer insider and secret Hitler adversary.

It is speculated that the Hauptsturmführer sold other Hitler farts at the time to finance his opium habit.

But at least one has been preserved all these years in a Berlin cellar.

Prices on eBay commence at a million-and-a-half euros.

Italian police have seized a crocodile they believe was used by a mafia boss to terrorize shop-owners into paying protection money.

The crocodile, 6 feet long and 93 pounds, was found during a search of the man’s home in the southern town of Caserta, where the Camorra branch of the Naples mafia is active.

The croc was kept on the terrace and fed live rats and rabbits in full view of neighboring homes.

The mafia suspect, name withheld, was charged with illegal animal possession.

The crocodile, named Berlu, has been sent to a reptile rehabilitation center in Sardinia.

A Nebraska farmer peers at pig spleens and forecasts the weather.

Pig spleen widening means early winter;

narrowing means early spring;

if the spleen is fairly uniform it means weather as usual.

“I’m 90 percent accurate,” the farmer claims, “which is a damn sight better than your TV ‘meteorologists’.”

A python was saved by surgery after mistaking golf balls for chicken eggs.

A farming couple had placed four golf balls in their chicken coup to encourage their hen to nest. The eggs disappeared and so did the balls.

Nearby, the couple found a lumpy-looking diamond python.

They transported the 32-inch non-venomous snake to the nearby wildlife sanctuary, where a senior veterinarian operated to remove the balls from the snake’s intestine.

Those golf balls weren’t moving any further , the vet said.

They were stuck.

The python would have died for sure.

Now he’s out of danger .

Stockholm culls thousands of rabbits annually to protect the capital’s parks and green sectors.

The rabbits are mainly the offspring of pets released by owners.

Since they have no natural predators the city administration of Stockholm employs hunters to kill them.

The killed rabbits are frozen and a contractor removes them to a processing plant.

There the raw animal matter is crushed, ground, pumped to a boiler where it is burned together with wood chips, peat or waste to produce renewable heat.

So far the only negative reaction to the rabbits-for-biofuel cull has come from the PETA folks.

A medical student got some unexpected practical experience at the zoo when she gave the kiss of life to a Bengal tiger cub gagging on a chunk of meat.

She was passing the enclosure when she noticed the 4-month-old creature choking and offered to assist the helpless keeper.

“The tiger tried to eat a chunk of meat that was too big and started choking and trembling and then fell over,” the student told Live-at-6 TV News.

“I got the meat out but he wasn’t breathing so I did mouth-to-mouth. After about 5 minutes he came to, thank God.”

The furry marsupial lives in the Australian wilds.

With its characteristic waddle and playful disposition it’s an endearing creature.

In this steep recession an industry has experimented with “paper” made from wombat poop.

Prospects seem favorable.

Wombats’ plant fiber diet makes their feces ideal for paper, which is of course obsolescent.

Diana Tilden-Blair, Ms South Africa in 2012 and a runner-up in the 2013 Ms Globe contest, was mauled by a hippopotamus while canoing in the Okavango swamp in Botswana, the local constabulary announced.

The blonde beauty winner, bitten on her face and thighs, was airlifted to Johannesburg hospital, where she was reported to be in critical condition.

Earlier this month, another South African beauty contest winner, Annette Smuts, was murdered by a hippopotamus while she and her family were on holiday in the Okavango swamp.

Botswana, formerly the British protectorate of Bechuanaland, is north by northwest of South Africa.

are dying in Utah and nobody knows why.

Hundreds of the majestic birds — many with wing spans of 7 feet — migrate each winter to the Great Salt Lake, feeding on carp and other fish.

Earlier this month, farmers in northern Utah began finding the raptors on the ground suffering from seizures, paralysis in the legs, feet and wings.

The eagles were taken to the Wildlife Rehabilitation Center.

Within 48 hours most were dead.

“It’s just hard to have your national bird in your arms when you can see it’s in pain but don’t know what’s happening to it.”

Copenhagen Zoomurdered Marius the giraffe with a bolt pistol as horrified schoolchildren crowded around to watch the cadaver be butchered then fed to lions.

Copenhagen Zooreceived more than 20,000 petitions to spare the healthy giraffe.

Copenhagen Zoowas informed by the European Association of Zoos (EAZA) that Marius was genetically similar to the zoo’s other giraffes, hence expendable.

Copenhagen Zooreceived offers from zoos to adopt Marius and from individuals to purchase then donate the giraffe to animal parks.

Copenhagen Zooinsisted that animals could not be transferred to Institutions not strictly adhering to rules on breeding programs.

Health officials are instructing residents to chill after a video uploaded on YouTube displayed exceptionally high levels of radiation at a Pacific Coast beach. The 7-minute video has caused concern that nuclear waste from the 2011 Fukushima disaster is arriving on the US side of the Pacific Ocean.