William Gerhardie - The Polyglots

Natàsha and Harry liked playing at mummy and daddy together, Nora being the baby. But Nora did not care for the game, because they put her to bed, and she had to lie very still all the time; her part, in fact, differing so little from what she was in real life—‘only a baby’. Whereas she wanted to run round the rooms stamping her feet, or to stand on one leg and make very deliberate movements with her arms as though trying to fly. But the three of them played together and developed a sort of tongue of their own, half-way between English and Russian, and there was, at first, a lot of ‘vish! — bish!’ about Natàsha’s torrential English in which accuracy and everything else was sacrificed to speed. And it seemed as though this new language appealed to Harry and Nora, for when they spoke English they now purposely twisted the words as if for Natàsha’s peculiar requirements. ‘Give back, or no give back?’ they would ask when accepting a gift. And when Natàsha spoke Russian to them she twisted her Russian as if to oblige them. They collected rubbish — all of them did. Harry took everything that Natàsha discarded, and Bubby took what Harry discarded. And what was no good at all for Bubby, Nora took. For a child coming from a Communist country, Natàsha displayed an astounding sense of property — even in rubbish, her rights over which she asserted with a vehement ‘S’mine!’ A claim to property sometimes disputed by the others with an equally determined ‘S’mine!’ And Harry would make off with some piece of rubbish of questionable ownership, when you would hear Natàsha’s cries: ‘What for you doing! What for you doing, Harry!’ And rushing after him and being the stronger of the two by reason of age, she would snatch the thing from him — whereon Harry would give vent to his despair in Russian as he cried: ‘ Ne nado! Ne nado! — This is ours!’—he had turned to me. ‘Tell ’er it is ours . Tell ’er.’

Whereat Aunt Molly and Captain Negodyaev, having been attracted by the noise, smacked their respective offspring without investigation — mainly to oblige each other.

THE VIRGIN

OUR WEDDING WAS ACCORDINGLY PUT OFF TILL after Christmas, Sylvia the while looking after Don or playing the Four Seasons of the Year . One of them— Winter , I believe — was so sad that as I listened tears came to my eyes, and I thought: how long? how much more? and, if one thinks into it deeply, really what for? The evening was in its full glory, perhaps a tarnished glory, a dying beauty cavernous with melancholy, as we went out. Uncle Emmanuel, who held a modest post in the Yugo-Slavian or some such Allied consulate, had made up a sort of uniform — it looked like nothing on earth, but it passed off as ‘Allied’—and strode about in it seeking whom he might devour. Occasionally he would wear a monocle, but he complained that as he was short-sighted with both eyes the monocle was but a partial remedy. ‘Wear two monocles then, one in each eye,’ I advised. But he would have none of it. Uncle Emmanuel was anything but handsome and, to be exact, one-third my size, but imagined that he was irresistible to women, and now wore this home-made uniform in order, as he thought, to attract them the more. It is not easy to write of him. I can even think of a few people among my own acquaintances who would consider the revelation of these indiscretions as something, something — to use a strong term — not quite nice. I have a maiden aunt who would look upon all this as painful reading. But what do you and I care about such superstitions? It would be ungracious to condemn Uncle Emmanuel without trying to understand his nature. He had a passion for life, which to him was identified with the intimate charm of the feminine form in its greatest variety; and so he spent his days in quest of the red light. He was untrue to Aunt Teresa within the first week of their honeymoon, because he was a man who loved a lot. Uncle Emmanuel’s good nature implied a belief in other people’s good nature that sometimes was a little naïve. That night he booked a double bedroom at the hotel, for himself and his new friend — a charming brunette. But on the following morning when he intimated the desire to prolong his stay over the week-end he was informed that as the hotel was undergoing repair he must vacate his room by 1 p.m. that day. My uncle caused at once enquiries to be pushed, and was informed that if he travelled up three versts or so by rail he would be certain to obtain a room at a family pension —whither he and the brunette immediately repaired. The pension by its originality and charm exceeded all his expectations. Uncle Emmanuel explained that he was an Allied officer who had come out to help the Russian national cause. The nice old landlady — a Lutheran from the Baltic Provinces, a kind, God-fearing soul — was all wreathes and smiles. She understood the situation: an elderly military, a loyal Ally, just wedded to a young Russian wife — and naturally impatient. She would see that his honeymoon was as pleasant as can be. She understood. She had once herself been young and had married a much younger man than herself of whom she had retained the tenderest memories. She would go all out to make my uncle’s honeymoon (as she imagined) a success. She took him to her heart: yes, she had had a husband once: a little man — she showed from the ground — just like my uncle.

‘ Ah, oui! Charmé ,’ Uncle Emmanuel said curtly.

An ardent lover nevertheless, it seemed. She cherished his memory. I translated this too to my uncle, who stood, a little impatient, with the tall brunette on his arm.

‘ Ah, oui! C’est ça ,’ he said, somewhat indifferently.

But he was dead, she confided.

He shrugged his shoulders.

‘ Je regrette ,’ he said.

Her watery old eyes looked at him tenderly. ‘The gentleman bears his age lightly,’ she said, by way of a compliment.

I translated this too.

It did not please him. It did not please him at all. Age ! ‘ Enfin ,’ he said, ‘we cannot spend all our life standing here. Can madame give us a room?’

Yes, she would give him a room, one of the best rooms, to be sure. But her daughter had frank laughing brown eyes that pierced Uncle Emmanuel’s soul, as he was signing the register. We at once ascended to the second floor where a tall, lofty, blue-papered room was assigned to my uncle, on the walls of which hung framed mottoes in German: ‘Cleave unto the Lord’; ‘God is our Refuge’; and ‘Kept by the power of God’. She assigned for their exclusive use her private sitting-room, in which she sought to leave the newly-married couple, shielded from the glances of the curious, to their hearts’ desire, and she undercharged them quite ridiculously for the food they consumed.

But just because she was good-natured, my uncle, a poor enough psychologist at the best of times, concluded that her good nature knew no bounds; and two weeks had not elapsed when he appeared again before the same (now somewhat grave) God-fearing dame, a little blonde, this time, upon his gallant arm, a rakish, cheery air about his face, as if to say:

‘And here we are again!’

A veil over my uncle’s doings.

On Saturday night there was a ‘Gala Social-Democratic Ball’ at the late Officers’ Assembly building, and as Sylvia did not feel very well I had arranged to take my red-haired cousin. I was engaged to Sylvia — and this was as far as it went. The incredible tedium of our relation at this stationary point in our romance became intolerable. After a day spent side by side in Aunt Teresa’s drawing-room one longed to shoot oneself. To account for my impending absence in the evening, I told Sylvia that I was dining with a General. She said nothing — looked sad.