Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

I was, I confess , hardly able to bear the first Surprize of this Disappointment; Amy , saw it, and gapes out (as was her way) Law’d Madam! never be concern’d at it; you see he is gotten among the Priests; and I suppose, they have saucily impos’d some Pennance upon him; and, it may-be , sent him of an Errand barefoot, to some Madonna or Nosterdame or other; and he is off of his Amours for the present; I’ll warrant you, he’ll be as wicked again as ever he was, when he is got thorow-well, and gets but out of their Hands again: I hate this out-o’-Season Repentance; what Occasion had he, in his Repentance, to be off of taking a good Wife? I shou’d have been glad to see you have been a Princess, and all that ; but if it can’t be, never afflict yourself; you are rich enough to be a Princess to yourself; you don’t want him, that’s the best of it.

Well, I cry’d for-all that, and was heartily vex’d, and that a great-while; but as Amy was always at my Elbow, and always jogging it out of my Head, with her Mirth, and her Wit, it wore off again.

Then I told Amy all the Story of my Merchant, and how he had found me out, when I was in such a Concern to find him; how it was true, that he lodg’d in St. Lawrence Pountney’s-Lane ; and how I had had all the Story of his Misfortune, which she had heard of, in which he had lost above 8000 l . Sterling; and that he had told me frankly of it, before she had sent me any Account of it, or, at least , before I had taken any Notice that I had heard of it.

Amy was very joyful at that Part; Well, Madam, then, says Amy , what need you value the Story of the Prince? and going I know not whether into Germany , to lay your Bones in another World, and learn the Devil’s Language, call’d HIGH-DUTCH? [271] High-Dutch : German. You are better here, by-half, [272] by-half , by a great deal. says Amy : Law’d Madam, says she , why are not you as rich as Crassus ? [273] Crassus : M. Licinus Crassus (c . 112–53 BC) was famed for his immense riches (acquired by unscrupuious means) and for his avarice. With Pompey and Julius Caesar, he was one of the First Triumvirate.

Well, it was a great-while still, before I cou’d bring myself off of this fancy’d Sovereignty; and I that was so willing once to be Mistress to a KING, was now ten thousand times more fond of being Wife to a Prince.

So fast a hold has Pride and Ambition [274] Pride and Ambition : It was widely believed in Defoe’s day that madness arose from passionate desires, such as ambition or pride. In the Tatler , No. 127 (31 January 1709), Steele concludes that all mental disorders arise from pride. upon our Minds, that when once it gets Admission, nothing is so chimerical, but under this Possession we can form Ideas of, in our Fancy, and realize to our Imagination: [275] form Ideas of, in our Fancy, and realize to our Imagination : i.e., once pride or ambition takes possession of the mind, there is nothing, however unlikely, that we cannot conceive of, and then imagine we can achieve such a thing in actuality. Nothing can be so ridiculous as the simple Steps we take in such Cases; a Man or a Woman becomes a meer Malade Imaginaire, [276] a meer Malade Imaginaire: an utter hypochondriac (after Moliere’s Le Malade Imaginaire , 1673). and I believe, may as easily die with Grief, or run-mad with Joy, (as the Affair in his Fancy appears right or wrong) as if all was real, and actually under the Management of the Person.

I had indeed, two Assistants to deliver me from this Snare, and these were, first, Amy , who knew my Disease, but was able to do nothing as to the Remedy; the second , the Merchant, who really brought the Remedy, but knew nothing of the Distemper.

I remember, when all these Disorders were upon my Thoughts, in one of the Visits my Friend the Merchant made me he took Notice, that he perceiv’d I was under some unusual Disorder; he believ’d, he said , that my Distemper, whatever it was , lay much in my Head, and it being Summer-Weather, and very hot, [277] it being Summer-Weather, and very hot : the heat of late summer, particularly upon the reappearance of the star Sirius, was long thought to cause madness. propos’d to me to go a little-way into the Air.

I started at his Expression; what says I , do you think then, that I am craz’d ? you shou’d then propose a MadHouse for my Cure: No, no, says he , I do not mean anything like that, I hope the Head may be distemper’d, and not the Brain: [278] the Head may be distemper’d, and not the Brain : that is, Roxana may be suffering only from ‘the vapours’ (see note 60), rather than the far more serious disturbance of the animal spirits, which could affect the brain and cause madness or even death. Well, I was too sensible that he was right, for I knew I had acted a strange wild kind of Part with him; but he insisted upon it, and press’d me to go into the Country: I took him short again , What need you, says I , send me out of your Way? It is in your Power to be less troubled with me, and with less Inconvenience to us both.

He took that ill, and told me I us’d to have a better Opinion of his Sincerity; and desir’d to know what he had done to forfeit my Charity: I mention this, only to let you see how far I had gone in my Measures of quitting him, that is to say , how near I was of shewing him how base, ungrateful, and how vilely I cou’d act: But I found I had carried the Jest far enough, and that a little Matter might have made him sick of me again, as he was before; so I began, by little and little, to change my way of talking to him, and to come to Discourse to the Purpose again, as we had done before.

A while after this, when we were very merry, and talking familiarly together, he call’d me with an Air of particular Satisfaction, his Princess ; I colour’d at the Word, for it indeed touch’d me to the quick ; but he knew nothing of the Reason of my being touch’d with it: What d’ye mean by that, said I ? Nay, says he , I mean nothing, but that you are a Princess to me: Well, says I , as to that, I am content; and yet I cou’d tell you, I might have been a Princess if I wou’d have quitted you, and believe I cou’d be so still: It is not in my Power to make you a Princess, says he , but I can easily make you a Lady, here in England , and a Countess too, if you will go out of it.

I heard both with a great-deal of Satisfaction, for my Pride remain’d, tho’ it had been baulk’d, and I thought with myself , that this Proposal wou’d make me some Amends for the Loss of the Title that had so tickl’d my Imagination another-way; and I was impatient to understand what he meant; but I wou’d not ask him by anymeans; so it pass’d off for that time.

When he was gone, I told Amy what he had said, and Amy was as impatient to know the Manner, how it cou’d be, as I was; but the next time, (perfectly unexpected to me) he told me, that he had accidentally mention’d a thing to me, last time he was with me, having not the least Thought of the thing itself; but not knowing but such a thing might be of some Weight to me, and that it might bring us Respect among People where I might appear, he had thought since of it, and was resolv’d to ask me about it.

I made light of it, and told him, that as he knew I had chosen a retir’d Life, it was of no Value to me to be call’d LADY, or COUNTESS either; but that if he intended to drag me, as I might call it , into the World again, perhaps it might be agreeable to him; but, besides that , I cou’d not judge of the thing, because I did not understand how either of them was to be done.