Fletcher Flora - Lysistrata

“Well, you are a belligerent rascal, I’ll say that for you. Kindly identify yourself at once if you wish to escape being flayed alive.”

“I’m Cinesias of Anagyra, that’s who I am.”

“Myrrhine’s husband?”

“In name I am. In fact, as you well know, I can’t claim to be.”

“I do know, and I am, whether you believe it or not, filled with true compassion for you. It is very hard to go neglected for so long a time.”

“I’m happy to learn that you think so. Perhaps, in that case, you would be willing to alleviate my condition as a substitute for my irresponsible wife.”

“You mustn’t tempt me to such indiscretion. From what Myrrhine has reported, I am already disposed to accept your invitation.”

“What do you mean? What has Myrrhine said of me?”

“It would be simpler to tell you what she hasn’t said. She talks of you incessantly, and sometimes becomes rather a bore about it, to tell the truth, though I am now more inclined, after seeing you, to be tolerant in my judgment. She says, among other extravagant things, that you are handsome and tender and ingenious in love. I have myself heard her call out to you in her sleep, hugging herself in ecstasy all the while.”

“Do you know where she is?”

“As a matter of fact, I do.”

“Go get her at once, or take me to her.”

“I am filled with compassion for you, as I admitted, but it is forbidden to entertain men or to be a party to it. I’d be running a great risk in assisting you.”

“What could they do to you if you were detected?”

“They could thresh me with their sticks, that’s what they could do. This is the very least punishment I could expect and is no slight matter, I assure you. However, your own courage in coming here has inspired me to imitate it. If you will stay here quietly, I’ll send Myrrhine to you, and all I ask is that you practice a little discretion and promise not to involve me in anything unfortunate that may develop.”

“You will not be involved in any way. I promise.”

Leaving him in a state of greater agitation than ever, since his anticipation was now given a reasonable chance of fulfillment, Lysistrata retreated and exchanged places with Myrrhine, who approached Cinesias in turn. Lysistrata watched developments closely, prepared to advance in an instant if Myrrhine proved excessively susceptible and permitted things to get out of hand. The truth was, though she did not care to admit it, she had herself been severely tempted to indiscretion with Cinesias, more because of his simple availability than anything else, and she was for that reason more sceptical than ever that Myrrhine was to be trusted at all in such a delicate and critical situation.

“Myrrhine,” said Cinesias, “is it actually you?”

“It actually is,” said Myrrhine.

“I swear I have never seen you look so absolutely ravishing before. To be honest, I came here with the intention of beating you soundly before taking any other action, but now I have decided to change the order of things, and in fact I may not beat you at all.”

“That’s kind of you, I’m sure. And what comes first in the new order?”

“Why, love, of course. As a husband, I intend to love you at once in accordance with my rights.”

“Well, I have never denied that I love you and take pleasure in accommodating you, and I am not prepared to deny it now, but it must be clear even to you that certain things are not accomplished in certain places.”

“Tell me quickly what you mean, for I am not in a humor to discuss the matter at length.”

“It’s wide open here, as you can plainly see if you will look about you. Anyone who happened to come along could see us, and this would be, in my opinion, somewhat embarrassing.”

“That’s no great problem, if you are so modest. We’ll go into the Cave of Pan.”

“What would we lie upon?”

“So far as I’m concerned, the grass will be satisfactory.”

“Well, I’m not so common as to lie on the grass, even if you are, and I insist upon something more appropriate.”

“I’ll carry in a bench.”

“That might serve the purpose if we had some cushions.”

“I declare, Myrrhine, you seem determined to drive me to distraction. I simply can’t understand why you wish to make an issue of cushions at a time like this.”

“I am not going to break my back on a hard bench, whatever you may think of me. If you wish me to accommodate you in the Cave of Pan, you must find some cushions for the bench, and a cover besides.”

“That’s clearly impossible. Where would I find cushions and a cover here?”

“That’s your problem. If you are half so anxious as you pretend, you will manage. Moreover, we must have some perfume with which to scent ourselves.”

“Perfume! Do you expect me to carry bottles of myrrh in my chiton?”

“Perfume is essential, as you know very well. Only the most vulgar women accommodate unscented men.”

“Well, you may be as delicate and refined as you like, and you may cry to heaven for cushions and covers and myrrh, but I am tired of this intolerable evasion, and I propose to show you instantly just how vulgar a man can be when he is provoked sufficiently.”

Saying this, he leaped forward and seized Myrrhine by the hair, but Lysistrata charged at that moment from her place of observation with such ferocity, raising at the same time such a clamor for assistance, that he released his hold immediately and took to his heels. Not actually wishing to capture him, nor even knowing what disposition she would make of him if she did, Lysistrata gave up the pursuit and watched him disappear.

“Myrrhine,” she said, “you were truly admirable, and I want to tell you so.”

“I would prefer that you didn’t,” said Myrrhine, “for the truth is, I wish you had not felt called upon to interfere.”

Staring across the bright water of the bay toward the wooded island of Sphacteria, Lycon thought bitterly that it was simply impossible to anticipate the trouble one might come into, or the dirty tricks that might be played upon one by the gods. It seemed to be entirely irrelevant that one did one’s duty and behaved consistently in a reverent and patriotic manner. One’s life turned sour just the same, and instead of being rewarded for one’s honest efforts with pleasures and the regard of his fellows, he was humiliated and made a fool of, and deprived of all pleasures whatever. There was certainly no justice in this, so far as he could see, and it was extremely difficult to maintain a proper attitude under such unmerited adversity.

It was simply incredible how certain things lost the importance once attributed to them, and how other things, on the other hand, acquired importance they had never seemed previously to possess. This was a peculiar metamorphosis and quite disturbing to one’s sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, and it was definitely not fair that one should be made to feel that he had wasted practically all his life in the pursuit of costly trifles that were in no way worth the time and effort. Pylos was a case in point, though it would certainly not be wise to admit it publicly. When it was established as an Athenian fortification under Demosthenes in the seventh year of the war, it was considered a glorious victory and had been celebrated in the streets and marketplace of Athens. It had in fact caused withdrawal of Spartan troops under the general Agis from the soil of Attica, but by and large, nothing much else had come of it.

The Spartans had occupied the island in the bay, the same which could now be seen, and had been blockaded there by the Athenian fleet. Their position was clearly hopeless, which they were finally ready to acknowledge, and they sent an embassy to the Assembly of Athens to sue for peace, which would have ended the war long ago. But Cleon had wanted the chitons off their backs, nothing less, and so nothing was agreed upon, and the war went on, as it was still going. Eventually, with the assistance of a great fire which swept the island and destroyed defenses, the Athenians had invaded the island and defeated the Spartans, who had surrendered, but by this time it was too late to arrange terms of peace as a result, and it had been, in the opinion of Lycon, who was now thinking of it, entirely too bad, to put it mildly, for if peace had been secured, it was quite likely that he would not now be in the shameful and unfortunate position in which he in fact was.