Fletcher Flora - Lysistrata

“When I heard of the capture of the Acropolis, I left so hurriedly to join the forces of the women that I quite forgot a quantity of new Miletus wool I had just purchased. If it is not attended to properly, it will surely spoil, and I must go home at once and bed it down.”

Lysistrata turned to Nausica with a look of contrition.

“Nausica,” she said, “I have done this honest girl a gross injustice. I predicted, as you know, that she would lie to me flagrantly, and instead she has told the simple truth. She wishes, she says, to go home and bed something down, and I believe her without reservation.” Turning to the other of the two women with the same look of contrition, she said, “I shall not do you the injustice that I have done your friend, for I am convinced that you could not be in her company and be anything but truthful, and that you will certainly give honest answers to honest questions. Do you wish to go home also?”

“Yes, I do. It is necessary that I go without delay.”

“Would you object to telling me why?”

“I have some flax that I must strip.”

“You see, Nausica?” Lysistrata looked so delighted that she seemed for a moment on the verge of skipping and clapping her hands like a child. “At last we have found an honest pair. One wants to go home and bed something down, while the other desires to go home and strip, and each says so straight-forwardly and without equivocation. They are precious young things, to be sure, and it makes me feel worse than I can say to be compelled to tell them that stripping and bedding are contrary to the spirit and practice of our cause and are not allowed.”

“It’s a shame,” said Nausica. “It truly is. I am myself so overwhelmed with compassion for these two sweet girls that I can hardly contain it. Bed, says one. Strip, says the other. I swear that I have never before been privileged to observe such engaging openness in a sex which is said generally to be deceptive.”

The two young women, understanding at last that they were being castigated with soft words, began to squirm and look as if they wished themselves immediately elsewhere. Lysistrata, turning back to them from Nausica, saw that it was time to abandon her tactic of sarcasm and deal directly with the matter. She assumed again her ferocious scowl.

“Did you actually presume to think,” she said, “that I am so dull as to be deceived by your foolish talk of wool and flax? Your verbs are more significant than your nouns, you simple geese, and I am just the one to perceive it. Shame on you! Do you wish to jeopardize all we have accomplished by submitting prematurely to the appeal of accommodation? Don’t you realize that our men are surely in as desperate a condition as we are, if not more so, and that they are already at the point of concession? Now is the time of crisis when we must all adhere strictly to the terms of our allegiance, for I have heard within the day from my friend Lampito of Sparta that the men of her country are already at work organizing a peace party to sue for terms. As your leader, so that all this may not be lost, I charge you to abandon your plans for immediate pleasure and to return at once to your duties, whatever they are, and I assign my comrade Nausica the task of seeing that you reach your assigned places safely.”

Without further delay or any open dissension whatever, the two frustrated women turned and walked away, followed briskly by Nausica, who brandished her stick a little to signify what might very well happen if they ventured to resist. They had gone no more than half a dozen yards before Myrrhine of Anagyra arrived breathlessly from another direction in a state of high excitement.

“Well, Myrrhine,” said Lysistrata, “it seems that every time I see you, you are coming in a great rush from someplace or other. What in the world is disturbing you now?”

“Lysistrata, you will never guess who has been permitted to come inside our lines, and if I told you, you would surely not believe me.”

“As to that, you had better tell me and find out, which will at least save a great deal of time, if it accomplishes nothing else.”

“It’s Cinesias.”

“Cinesias? You sound as if you were saying Pericles at the very least, but I would swear that you said Cinesias. Is it a secret, or would you be willing to tell me who Cinesias is?”

“Why, Cinesias is my husband, of course.”

“Oh, of course! I should certainly have realized immediately that he is your husband, though I have never heard his name spoken previously to my knowledge, for there is some kind of edict, I believe, which makes it impossible for you to have a husband of any other name.”

“It is not kind or even courteous, Lysistrata, for you to be so sarcastic on every occasion. It is getting so that one cannot consult you at all without getting blistered.”

“I’m sorry. You are right, and I must certainly exercise a greater patience. It is the constant stress of my responsibility that causes it. Tell me, Myrrhine, what does your precious Cinesias want?”

“Surely that can be assumed, Lysistrata. He wants what he is being deprived of, naturally. I am quite positive of this, though I ran directly here after hearing of his arrival and have not seen him or spoken with him yet.”

“Good. He is surely in an absolute frenzy to have taken such risks in coming to you, and we shall see that he is in no less of one when he leaves. I’ll tell you what we must do, Myrrhine. I’ll go and encounter him first, while you stand some distance away and out of sight. I’ll fan his fever by reporting how much you love him and how ardently you long for him, and all in all I’ll lead him to believe that he will surely consummate his mission here. When he has reached the precise point of readiness, I’ll call you to come, and you must carry on from there.”

“Carry on? What is the meaning of that?”

“Not what you clearly wish, I assure you. You must encourage him, excite him, and finally frustrate him utterly. This is essential.”

“Poor Cinesias! I doubt that I shall be able to treat him so shabbily.”

“Poor Cinesias, indeed! Poor Myrrhine is what you mean. Do you think I am not sensitive to your condition? If Lycon were to appear at this moment, I should be in a perfect state myself.”

“I doubt that I shall have the endurance to withstand his entreaties, Lysistrata, I truly do.”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll be watching you at all times from near by, which is something you had better not forget. I guarantee that you will not be permitted to achieve a position from which you can’t retreat, or at least be rescued.”

“Well, you had better be prepared to act in an instant, if necessary, for I warn you that I am quite weak in situations of this sort and have practically no capacity at all for resisting temptation.”

“Never mind that. As I said, I will help you resist, if necessary, for I am not so susceptible as you are, though not invulnerable. Where is Cinesias now?”

“I was told that he is waiting near the Cave of Pan.”

“I’ll go there at once and talk with him. Remember, please, that you are to follow at a distance and not be seen until the proper time. Is that understood?”

Myrrhine said that it was, though with little conviction, and Lysistrata turned away and went directly to the area where Cinesias was said to be waiting. He was there, as reported, and she could detect the signs of his agitation as she approached. Assuming the ferocious scowl which she had found useful in matters of discipline, she accosted him boldly.

“What are you doing here, you reckless fellow? Are you aware that you could hardly have found a more perilous place if you had searched the world for it?”

“I am here looking for Myrrhine, if you want to know,” he said, “and I warn you not to trifle with me in the least, for I am bound to have her in spite of anything.”