Sharon Creech - Absolutely Normal Chaos

Didn’t see Alex today (he had to go to his grandmother’s again), so I can at least think tonight. I’ll wait and tell about Alex at the end so I don’t start getting all mushy before I remember everything else.

The most disgusting news is that Beth Ann went out with Carl Ray.

She called me on Friday morning to say that she had finally mailed a letter to “the jerk” (alias Derek-the-Divine). Beth Ann wrote this very gushy letter (she read a copy of it to me—she kept a copy !) to Derek all about how much she loved him and how maybe they should both see other people, because that way they would be able to know for sure if their hearts were telling the truth (how can hearts tell the truth?).

Then she asked me if I had hinted to Carl Ray about taking her out and I said no, I hadn’t, so she made me go with her to the hardware store to see him. It went something like this:

(Scene: Two girls, Mary Lou and Beth Ann, enter hardware store. A seventeen-year-old gangly, pale, freckled boy with a tiny bird head and enormous hands and feet [Carl Ray] is straightening the display of insect repellents. He looks up, turns brilliant red, and then continues to straighten display.)

BETH ANN: (whispering to Mary Lou) Come on then. Say something to him.

MARY LOU: (also whispering) This is ridiculous.

(They walk up to Carl Ray. He’s still straightening cans.)

MARY LOU:So hi there, Carl Ray.

CARL RAY:Hi.

MARY LOU:So. You know Beth Ann here, don’t you?

CARL RAY: (still straightening cans) Unnh.

BETH ANN: (in her Marilyn Monroe voice) Hellooooo, Carl Ray. I haven’t seen you in ages.

(Carl Ray looks up. He’s not completely stupid.)

CARL RAY:Enh.

MARY LOU:So whatcha doin’, Carl Ray?

CARL RAY:Workin’.

MARY LOU:Ah.

BETH ANN:I bet you have a lot of responsibility here.

CARL RAY:What’s your name again?

BETH ANN:Beth Ann. Beth Ann Bartels. B-A-R-T-E-L-S. I live over at six-two-two Holmden Road. Right around the corner from Mary Lou.

MARY LOU: (aside to Beth Ann) Why don’t you give him your phone number or something?

BETH ANN: (aside to Mary Lou) Oh, shut up.

CARL RAY: (to Mary Lou) You want something?

MARY LOU:Huh?

CARL RAY:From the store?

MARY LOU:Oh. Uh—

BETH ANN:No, we don’t want anything. We just came in to see you.

CARL RAY:Huh?

BETH ANN:Oh, we were just in the neighborhood, and I said to Mary Lou, why don’t we go in and see your cousin, since we’re right here, because, I said, I haven’t seen your cousin in ages and I wonder how he’s doing. So Mary Lou said okay, although she can’t stay long because she has to go home to get ready for her date with Alex. They’re going to the movies . They’re going to see that real good movie about the guy who inherits his father’s ranch and there’s this girl—well, actually, I don’t know too much about it because I haven’t seen it yet, but I hear it’s a romance, sort of, but it has adventure too. And it’s a little sad but also funny too. That’s what I hear. Maybe Mary Lou will tell me all about it after she and Alex see it tonight. I guess I’ll just stay home and read or something boring like that. Don’t you hate these beautiful summer nights when all there is to do is sit home and read ?

CARL RAY:What’d you say your name was again?

BETH ANN:Beth Ann Bartels. I live at—

MARY LOU:Excuse me, but I’m going to go over there and look at wallpaper paste. I’ll be right over there if either of you needs me.

(Scene fades out.)

Well, she did it. She got him to ask her to the movies. Unbelievable. And her parents are letting her go. When I told my mother, she said, “Beth Ann? With Carl Ray? But he’s seventeen years old! Whatever can her parents be thinking ?”

Exactly.

But then Beth Ann wanted me and Alex to go with them! I really thought that was stretching friendship a bit far. I refused. So they went to the movie that we wanted to see (and which, by the way, Beth Ann has seen three times already), and we walked down to the Big Boy and had a hamburger and then we went to the park (by the pool) and sat on the picnic tables.

We held hands for twenty minutes (I had my watch on). I’ve been practicing kissing on one of Maggie’s posters—there’s one of a guy who has approximately life-size lips—just in case Alex decides to kiss me. Sometimes I think he’s going to, but he gets all nervous and never does. I’m a little glad. I hope, when the time comes, I have a chance to brush my teeth first. I also hope that it doesn’t taste like chicken.

On Saturday, Beth Ann called me to tell me how wonnnnderful Carl Ray is (Carl Ray? Wonnnnderful?) and that they were going out again that night. Unbelievable. She loves his car (maybe she’s just after his money) and she thinks he’s shy (well, that’s true) and cute (pretty far-fetched, if you ask me) and such a gentleman (I think she’s making this up) and sooooo interesting (absolutely a bald-faced lie).

She also said that she didn’t think “the jerk” (Derek) got her letter yet (well, of course not, she just mailed it the day before), and, no, they hadn’t run into “the jerk” at the movies (probably because she had made him take her to it three times already), but sooner or later she and Carl Ray (she’s talking like she owns him now or something) were bound to run into the ole jerk.

Beth Ann also said that Christy had called her that morning (Saturday) and told her that the GGP (the secret club) was having a pajama party that night and only a few non-GGP girls were invited, and that these non-GGP girls were “under consideration for membership.” They invited Beth Ann to the party, but she told Christy she couldn’t go because she had a date with an older man (oh, brother). Beth Ann decided this was good strategy anyway, and it would make them even more anxious for her to join.

Then Beth Ann said that Christy asked her a million questions about me and Alex, but Beth Ann said she really didn’t know too much about Alex because I don’t tell her very much. As if she ever gives me a chance to get a word in.

Then Beth Ann said that Christy was probably going to call me at any minute so I’d better get off the phone.

Christy didn’t call.

The other news is that Carl Ray is going home next Friday. When I mentioned that to Beth Ann today, she about blew a gasket. You’d think they were married or something. She said, “Oh, how can he leave me now ?” and “Why does he have to go on the weekend ?” and all that kind of malarkey.

I read Book Ten of the Odyssey yesterday afternoon. It was pretty good, but there are some very strange parts. For instance, King Aeolus lives on an island and he had six sons and six daughters and he made them marry each other (how disgusting), I guess because of the island and no other people being around. The King gives Odysseus a present. It’s a bag of winds. Really, a bag full of crazy, wild winds, the kind that are blowing around outside right now. So Odysseus takes this weird present and off he goes, but when he falls asleep, his nosy men open the bag and the winds get out and there’s this horrible storm and they get tossed around and are driven about eight million miles away from their home (they were almost home until this happened).