Sharon Creech - Absolutely Normal Chaos

Then they go to another island, where Circe lives, and she changes all the men (except Odysseus, who, of course, is too clever) into pigs (Homer really gets carried away sometimes). Circe falls all over Odysseus and wants him to go to bed with her (Homer doesn’t seem to care that Odysseus is a married man) and has all her servants wash him and anoint him. You’d think he’d get tired of having other people wash him all the time and put oil all over him. (My parents don’t want me to watch any sex or violence on television. If only they knew what the school is asking us to read!)

Anyway, Odysseus and his pig-men end up staying there twelve months!

Carl Ray happened to sneak by me in the living room while I was reading, and he asked me what part I was on. When I mentioned about Circe and the pigs, he said, “Oh yeah. Book Ten.” This surprised the heck out of me. And when I said that I thought it was a little far-fetched about the men turning into pigs, he said, “Well, it’s a metaphor.” (Can you imagine Carl Ray even knowing what a metaphor is ?) And I said, “How so?” and he said, “Women turn men into pigs all the time.”

Then he went into the kitchen to make himself about four sandwiches.

And I sat there thinking about that. I hate to admit it, but it’s really very interesting and I wondered why I didn’t think of that. Maybe this whole trip that Odysseus is on is a big metaphor, you know, like the poem about the woods on the snowy evening. That road is supposed to be the road of life.

I asked Alex about it that night when we went to the movies (Beth Ann and Carl Ray went to play miniature golf), and even he seemed to have known all along about all the metaphors. He said, “Sure, his whole trip is a metaphor. It’s like life, you know. All the time you’re trying to find home (you are?) and all the time you have these adventures.”

I never even knew that Alex paid attention in English. I’m supposed to be the one good in English. I felt pretty stupid. But I like the Odyssey better now.

I will tell only briefly about Saturday night because the thunder is scaring me to death.

We went to the movies and saw this really sappy romance, but I have to admit that I enjoy the kissing scenes a lot more now than I used to. I’ve been studying them. I think I might write my own manual. Usually the guy starts the kiss, but not always. If he starts it, the girl often acts shy at first, but then she gets into it, and throws her arms around his neck. When the girl starts it, the guy usually looks pleased, and then he throws his arms around her .

One odd thing I’ve noticed is that the kisses rarely occur when everything is all quiet and romantic. They happen at times you wouldn’t ordinarily expect them, like after a fight—just when the woman has been telling the man that she hates him—or right in the middle of the street with people walking past and cars honking their horns. In the movie we saw tonight, a couple kissed right smack in the middle of the supermarket, after the woman picked up a frozen chicken! I’ve never noticed that in real life. Maybe it happens, though. Maybe I haven’t been paying enough attention.

After the movie, Alex and I went to the park and he started telling me about why he likes basketball so much, but that he’s always worried he won’t make the team. Now, that surprised me about Alex. I thought he was Mr. Basketball Confidence. And right in the middle of talking about basketball, he reached over and put his arm around me. It’s the truth ! Now, how in the world do boys’ brains work? How do they connect basketball and putting their arm around a girl? I would have liked a little warning. And what exactly is the girl supposed to do when the boy puts his arm around her? Just sit there? Move closer? Untangle her own arm and put it around him (squash!)?

I just sat there, pretending not to notice. Alex kept talking about basketball. I was pretty sure the kiss was going to come next, but it didn’t. Who cares??!! It’s getting so that if Alex just breathes on me, I feel like I have on my magic sandals and am flying off to Mount Olympus. I think maybe Alex wasn’t quite sure about this new move either, because after five minutes he moved that arm and then he scratched his head and then he leaned down and retied his shoe and then he stood up and stretched. I hope he didn’t think that I minded about his arm. Was I supposed to say something? Like “It is nice of you to place your arm on my shoulder. You may keep it there if you like.” Oh sighhhh. I’ll change the subject.

Apparently Beth Ann and Carl Ray (I’m going to start calling him Lance Romance, as he is finally using the shower and splashing on tons of aftershave) had a “truly di-viiiiine and wonderful” time at miniature golf (how you could have a truly divine and wonderful time trying to push little balls through a clown’s mouth is beyond me).

And Derek-the-jerk wasn’t at the miniature golf range. Surprise, surprise.

Oh, brother. I don’t believe it. That stupid Carl Ray.

At dinner tonight, Dad asked Carl Ray when he was going home and Carl Ray said he was leaving on Friday, and so Mom asked him when he would be back and he said the next Friday and then Dad asked him if he minded driving alone.

And Carl Ray said, “Don’t rightly know.”

And Dad said, “Mighty long drive.”

And Mom said, “Isn’t there anyone who could ride along with you?”

And then it went like this:

DAD:Good idea.

MOM:What about one of the kids?

Maggie looked at me and I looked at Dennis and he looked at Dougie and he looked at Tommy. Tommy said, “Me! Me! I going!”

MOM:No, Tommy, you’re too little.

TOMMY:Me! Me!

Dad looked at Maggie.

MAGGIE:I’d like to, honest, but I just can’t, what with watching Tommy and all, and besides, Kenny and I are going to the Easton Festival and also I promised Mrs. Furtz I would take Barry and Cathy and David and—

DAD:Okay, okay, I get the picture.

DENNIS:I’m going camping with Billy, remember?

MOM:Oh, right.

DOUGIE:And I get carsick. (He really does.)

Everyone, by this time, is looking at me. I am in a complete panic.

MOM:Oh, Mary Lou! Wouldn’t you like to go?

ME:Sure. Sure, I’d really love to go and all, but boy, Maggie always needs help with Tommy, and Alex and I already made plans—

MOM:Plans? For what?

ME:Well, plans. To do stuff.

DAD:Like what?

ME: (What was the matter with my stupid brain?) Well, just plans. To go to the movies—

MOM:You just went to the movies.

ME:Another movie!

DAD:What else?

ME:You know, plans.

MOM:Well, really, Mary Lou, you might be the best one to go, and besides, you’ve got the whole rest of the summer to see Alex.

ME:But—what about Alex? What if he forgets me? What if—

DAD:Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

And that was the absolute end of that. I couldn’t believe it.

The only thing that makes me not pack my bag and run away from home is that Alex called tonight, and when I told him about having to go with Carl Ray, he said that that was amazing, because his parents had been bugging him to go with them to see his cousins in Michigan next Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, and that he’d been trying to find a way to convince them to let him stay home, but if I was going to be gone, he’d just go on with them.