Lara Bergen: Runaway Hit

“Really?” said Candace. She checked the line to see how close she was to getting to the auditions. She and Stacy had moved pretty far along; there were just a few more people between her and the entrance turnstile. She sighed and kept smiling back at Jeremy as she followed the line in front of her. Funny that she’d never heard of this awesome new band before, she thought, as she finally passed through the contestant turnstile.

Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!

All of sudden, a bell had started ringing, and a giant sign reading 100TH CONTESTANT began to flash on and off.

“Hey,” said Jeremy, “looks like that’s you!”

And sure enough, up stepped the Super American Pop Teen Idol Star announcer to grab Candace by the arm and whisk her away.

“Congratulations!” the announcer declared as he pulled her toward the stage. “You’re the one-hundredth contestant!”

The next thing Candace knew, she was standing in front of a microphone, facing an enormous crowd. She couldn’t believe it — she was about to live her dream!

“Ladies and gentlemen…” the announcer’s voice boomed, “… this young lady has the honor of singing onstage with P.F.T. So now… the band you’ve been waiting for… Phineas and the Ferb-Tones!”

At first, Candace was thrilled. But a moment later her mouth dropped open as the eager crowd erupted into screams and she realized what the announcer had said. She turned, and, sure enough, Phineas and Ferb emerged like rock stars from a thick, dramatic fog. This was no dream, she quickly realized. This was a nightmare!

“Phineas?!” she cried.

“Candace?” Phineas walked toward her across the stage, carrying an electric guitar. “You’re the hundredth contestant? How serendipitous !” He grinned and pointed back and forth between the two of them. “This’ll be like a brother-sister thing! Now,” he went on, pulling a sheet of music out of his pocket, “I’m assuming you’ve heard our single. I mean, who hasn’t? Right?” He shrugged. “It’s a big hit.” He handed her the paper. “So here are the words, but don’t worry if you get lost. The lyrics are meaningless anyway.” He winked as he strode back across the stage toward Ferb. “I’ll point when it’s your turn.”

Candace watched him, speechless, as he took his place next to Ferb, who stood ready at a keyboard. Beside them, like backup singers, smoothly swaying to the beat, stood their friend Isabella and three of her fellow Fireside Girls. Isabella was never far from the members of her scout group.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” said Phineas, gesturing to Isabella and the girls, “the Ferbettes!”

The air was filled once more with cheers.

“I’m Phineas,” he went on, “and this is Ferb, and we’re going to sing a song.” He began to sing and strum his guitar.

The Ferbettes sang too. With each new lyric, they moved together.

Candace turned from her brother to the audience. The crowd was singing along with every word and doing all the moves the band did. Honestly, it was almost as if they were in some sort of Ferbette trance or something!

Bouncing and singing, Phineas made his way over to his sister. Then he stopped and pointed to her. “Candace!”

Candace stood there in the spotlight as the whole mall waited for her to sing. She looked down at the lyrics sheet. Then she looked over at Phineas. Slowly, her eyes narrowed and she ground her teeth.

“Wait a minute!!!” she shouted. The sheet music went flying, and she balled her hands into tight fists. “ What are you doing?”

“I’m cueing you,” Phineas answered, still pointing and poised to go on.

“How did you get a hit single?” Candace hollered.

“Well, it wasn’t easy,” said Phineas with a matter-of-fact nod. “It took most of the morning and half a dozen phone calls, but if you’re willing to put in the work—”

Candace felt as if she might explode — right then and there. Talk about not fair! Phineas and Ferb weren’t even musical ! And here they were, landing in the spotlight, just the same as always!

“That’s it!” she fumed, throwing her arms into the air. Then she glared at Phineas and pointed. “I’m going to tell Mom!”

“Okay…” replied Phineas slowly. “Tell her… what?”

Candace thought for a moment. “Grr,” she groaned, frustrated. For once, she didn’t exactly know.

She turned and stormed across the stage. “I’m just gonna tell!!!” she huffed.

Phineas watched her go. Then he shrugged as the Ferbettes shuffled over to finish the song.

“Mom! Mom! Mom!” Candace ran across the mall into the boutique where her mom was shopping. “Mom, you’ve got to see this!”

Linda turned from the rack of clothes.

“Let me guess,” she said, knowing that Candace was always trying to show her some crazy thing having to do with Phineas and Ferb. “Is it unbeliev—”

But Candace didn’t let her finish. Instead, she bulldozed her out of the store and across the mall, shouting, “Come on! Come on! Come on!”

She stopped, at last, just in front of the stage.

“See?” Candace said breathlessly. She pointed up at two shadows falling from behind a curtain that was about to be raised. “There they are, onstage!”

Just then, the announcer’s voice came over the PA. “Ladies and gentlemen, once again… Marty the Rabbit Boy and His Musical Blender!”

The curtain went up…

… And there stood a rabbit boy, and his blender — which was oddly Ferb-shaped.

“Come on,” Linda said, taking Candace by the arm. “We’re going to get you an eye exam.”

Meanwhile, across town Perry the Platypus was just arriving at the new, high-rise offices of Doofenshmirtz Evil, Incorporated.

“Everything is ready!” gloated the villain, rubbing his hands together as he reviewed the blueprints for his latest dastardly plan.

Ding-dong. The bell on the door of Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s office suite rang.

“Oh, what is it now?” he groaned.

He opened the door to find Perry, still wearing his undercover funny-nose-and-glasses disguise.

“Oh! Are you my new temp?” asked Dr. Doofenshmirtz, not recognizing Perry. “Well, let me get you up to speed.” He ushered in the disguised secret agent and led him past his papers and a half-eaten tuna sandwich to an impressive, state-of-the-art control room, complete with a giant blinking video map of the world.