Margaret Sexton: A Kind of Freedom

“So you knew all this time you were coming by to see me?”

“I didn’t know but I suspected.” He grinned. “I wasn’t sure I had the courage, but I knew I wanted to.”

“How did it happen?”

“How’d what happen?”

“How’d you get the courage?”

“I don’t know. I work for Todd’s Restaurant, over in the Quarter, and I spent the afternoon there, packing and loading boxes, thinking about you. At first I tried to make up excuses. I told myself you probably wouldn’t even be in, and your sister would answer and make me feel like a fool, but when I got home, something surged in my body, and I stood up from my seat and dressed. I don’t know where it came from. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before.”

“Me neither,” Evelyn said, but she understood it because it was happening now. Her body was being cooled down when just the thought of the two of them sitting anywhere together with an open night laid out in front of them and no schedule on how it should go would have made her frantic just minutes earlier.

“I’m glad you came,” she said.

“Me too.” Renard looked back toward the house. “Where’s the rest of your family?” he asked.

“My mother and daddy are at a Mardi Gras party by my uncle’s. My brother’s out playing. You can hear him if you listen closely.”

“And your mean old sister?”

Evelyn laughed though she was normally protective of Ruby. “She’s out with your friend. He didn’t tell you?”

Renard laughed. “No, he didn’t tell me, but I should have known.” He paused. “We don’t talk about stuff like that.”

“He’s your friend though?” Evelyn proceeded carefully, not knowing much about friends herself.

“Yeah, we grew up together.”

“I haven’t seen you around much.”

“No, I suppose not. My mother used to work for his family and they took me in when she died. I eat supper over his place every night, and they paid for me to go to school, but we never really traveled in the same circles outside. Now that we’re both studying medicine, it’s just easier to walk together.”

He delivered so much sadness with such a casual tongue, Evelyn wanted to tell him she was sorry, but she wasn’t sure what she was sorry for, or if he would mistake her care for pity.

All of a sudden he straightened his back and said, “But don’t worry, miss. That’s why I’m going to be a doctor. I always wanted to be one, and I’m so close now nothing can stop me. And then I’m never going to have to ask for anything that doesn’t rightfully belong to me. Me, nor my family.”

“That’s mighty inspiring,” Evelyn said. “You’ll make a mighty fine doctor.” She wrapped her fingers around his hand. Miss Georgia could tell the world for all she cared. When her skin met his, he looked over at her with the gratitude of a man who had never felt a woman’s touch. They stared in each other’s eyes in silence, breaking out into grins from time to time when the heat of the connection felt as if it would snuff them out if they didn’t do something to drain it.

Evelyn wanted to get closer, but she remembered herself and asked for the time.

“It’s a quarter after ten. Maybe I best be going,” he said. “I have to get up early tomorrow for work.” He stood.

“At the store?”

“No, tomorrow’s my day killing chickens. The market sells them live but people pay good money for them already plucked. It’s awful work, but. .” He trailed off as if he wasn’t sure if he was going to say the next thing. “The government’s hiring plenty for all the ships and tanks and guns they need.” He shook his head, and his face darkened for the first time. “Those jobs aren’t for us though, so I’m killing chickens.”

Evelyn stood, her heart burning with compassion. She didn’t know how to respond. “Well, it was so nice of you to stop by,” she said finally. “Maybe you’ll do it another time.”

“I most definitely will.” He took a step toward the porch. “I have church on Sunday but maybe after that.”

Evelyn nodded. “Me too,” she said. “Where do you attend?”

“Holy Ghost. What about you?”

“St. Augustine,” she said. “My daddy won’t step foot in there, says he won’t go to a church that seats Negroes in the back, but Mother says that’s just his excuse, he wouldn’t go to any church, even one that let them sit on the altar next to the priest himself.”

They both laughed.

“I wonder how my sister and your friend are doing,” Evelyn smirked, still trying to stretch their time. “They’re out some late.”

“Going to be much later with my friend,” Renard laughed.

Evelyn didn’t join in. Ruby wasn’t as conservative as she was, not by a long shot, but Evelyn wouldn’t stand for her being ridiculed.

“Oh, I didn’t mean anything by it, miss.” His face scrunched up with regret. “I’m sure he’s treating her real respectable. He’s a respectable sort of guy, but he’s a night owl, that’s all, and he loves to talk. They’re probably just seeing a movie, and you know how that goes, it takes so long to exit from the Negro balcony, that’s all I meant.”

Evelyn nodded.

“I meant it, miss. I won’t suffer anybody talking ill about a lady. He wouldn’t try it, but even if he did, I’d make sure it was the last word he said about your sister.”

Evelyn smiled. “And what about you? How do you speak about ladies?”

He smiled. “I haven’t had much reason to speak about them before,” he said, his stutter gone. “But if I saw Andrew today, I might tell him I made a new friend.”

“Just a friend, huh?” Evelyn didn’t know where her boldness had been lurking.

“A special friend,” Renard finished. “Real special,” he repeated, walking backward now, down the porch steps and then the sidewalk until he was out of sight.

Evelyn revived the night in her mind once he was gone; so thoroughly was she coiled inside the retelling she didn’t hear her sister until Ruby reached their bedroom.

Usually when Ruby went out and Evelyn stayed home, she had the decency to be quiet, as quiet as she could, but this time she slammed her nightgown drawer shut, she kicked off her shoes. She stomped to the bathroom, made a to-do of splashing water over her face. Once she was back in the room, Evelyn had no choice but to sit up and ask what had gone wrong.

“Everything.” Ruby was close to tears.

Evelyn had seen her like this only one other time when word had gotten back about Langston, and Ruby had considered transferring to secretarial school in Baton Rouge.

“It started off all right I suppose. He held my hand, he took me to Dufon’s, he told me to order anything I liked. But we hadn’t been seated for more than five minutes when another girl walked up to the table. I think she’s one of the Chapitals; I’ve seen her around your campus. Surprised I remembered her, not much to look at, really, Evelyn, I could outmatch her on my worst day, but he sat there and held a conversation with her for five minutes before he turned back to me. He didn’t even introduce me. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.”

“Oh, Ruby.” Evelyn didn’t know what to say. Normally her sister’s moods infiltrated her own, and Evelyn was certain something tangible would befall her as a direct result of them, but this time she felt insulated in a world of her own creation. “Oh, Ruby,” she repeated, not sure how long she had stalled since the first time she said it. “I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it. I’m sure he was just being polite.” She almost slipped and said Renard had mentioned that his friend was an outgoing fellow, but she couldn’t reference Renard, not at a time like this.