Margaret Sexton: A Kind of Freedom

“Not so cute he can’t look at a woman decently,” Ruby said. “Besides, not as cute as Langston.” Langston was her last boyfriend, and he had been cute all right, so cute Ruby had heard from a senior at vocational school that he was carrying around phone numbers for every girl in the Seventh Ward with hair past her bra strap. Ruby had taken that hard, which meant their mother cooked her favorite food all week, and every sentence Evelyn directed at her was presented like a question that had no business being asked. When Ruby had gotten over it, she had sworn off the light brights, but here she was again.

“I could do better,” Ruby said, “and I have done better, but he’s over there looking like he’s the best I could do in the state of Louisiana. Not so,” Ruby added.

“He’s not so bad, just putting on a show,” Evelyn said. The uneven man looked up at her again. He leaned, whispered something to his friend, and both men walked over. Ruby’s man was leading the way, which confused Evelyn but didn’t deter her. When the men reached the girls, Ruby’s stood in the front right beside Ruby, and the uneven man lingered in the back watching his shoes. They were okay shoes, Evelyn noticed. One-tone lace-up oxfords that had been shined too many times. She hadn’t seen them the day before in all the fuss about the hem, and they were okay, but certainly no competition for the rose blush she had applied to her soft nearly white face, or for the long hair Mother had straightened the night before and which Evelyn had rolled into a coil at the base of her head. She stared at him, holding her head high and still, feeling as if she was pushing her chin forward to coax him into talking.

“How do you do there, young lady?” Ruby’s man asked.

Ruby was most confident Monday afternoon. They hadn’t gotten back to Mother’s yet, and those beans were still at the top of the pot.

“Not as good as I was when it was just me and my sister,” Ruby answered.

“So that’s your sister, huh?”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it? You’re not too quick on your feet, are you?”

“Y’all are some pretty sisters. Your mama must be pretty too, huh?”

“Why are you asking about my mama?” Ruby wasn’t even fooling this time; she was fierce when it came to their mother.

“Aw, I was just making conversation, lil’ girl. Don’t get ya panties all up in a knot.”

“You certainly don’t need to know a thing about my panties,” Ruby said, trying to maintain her frown, but it was hard on her pretending to be so uninterested. She had a weakness for red beans and red boys. And then that talk about her panties.

Evelyn couldn’t take it anymore; she could feel her face heating. The uneven man was lost in his shoes, and she was just standing there, being ignored, as if she weren’t the one Daddy twirled around the parlor for their extended family when he drank more than one glass of Sazerac after Christmas dinner.

Evelyn moved her books around in her hands to get his attention. The uneven man looked up, but when he saw her, he looked down again. Evelyn hadn’t noticed the color of his eyes the other day either. They weren’t so brown they were black like most people’s his color. They were an actual brown, the way the color came out in the crayon box. He had long eyelashes, and their tips might have touched the top of his cheeks when he blinked. He looked up again.

“You two are sisters?” he asked, stammering over the word sisters , and as he spoke he lifted his grey felt fedora and pressed it into his chest.

“We are,” Evelyn said, nearly sighing she was so relieved.

“Are you the oldest?”

“How’d you know that? Everyone always thinks she’s the oldest ’cause she’s—” Evelyn almost said the word vocal but didn’t want to sound resentful.

“I could just tell.” He looked down again.

“How many brothers and sisters do you have?” Evelyn asked, partly to keep the conversation flowing and partly because she was interested.

“Twelve living, two dead,” he said.

“Are you the oldest too?”

“No ma’am, the baby. My mama died having me.”

Evelyn’s heart was beating fast, and she was feeling powerful emotions she didn’t know how to read. It wasn’t what he was saying, but the way he was parceling out his story, like a mother would cut meat for a child, that made Evelyn’s heart feel fragile. She moved forward a little and hoped Ruby wouldn’t see her do it.

“Where do you live?” she asked.

“Amelia Street, Twelfth Ward, two blocks from Flint-Goodrich Hospital.”

Evelyn was surprised to hear that. Though she knew he wasn’t one of them, she didn’t think he was that far off. She looked down at his books again, large hardbacks, biology and organic chemistry. She’d been right; he would have had to be premed to be studying subjects like those, but there weren’t any well-off Negro people uptown. She considered his hem again. She never cared about status the way Mother and Ruby did; it was more how unaccustomed she was to being wrong.

“Where do you live?” he asked. His stammer was back this time on the first word, where .

Evelyn smiled again. She told him, and he raised his eyebrows. The Seventh Ward — it was a mostly Creole area of rich and poor and everything in between, but he looked at her as if he could envision her massive bungalow, as if he knew her daddy had birthed every one of the babies on the block except the white family’s across the street.

Ruby and her man seemed to be finishing up their talk. The uneven man looked over at them, then back to Evelyn.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“All that talking, and you still don’t have the name?” Ruby cut in.

Evelyn wanted to shush her, but that wouldn’t be polite. She smiled even wider. “Evelyn,” she said, addressing the uneven man as if her sister had said nothing.

“I’m Renard,” he said. “Renard August Williams.” He turned away as soon as he said that.

Evelyn wanted to reach out, spin him around, and get him to commit to something further as soon as could be, but she stayed in her spot and mouthed the word good-bye . His friend followed him off, glancing at Ruby over his shoulder.

Evelyn’s cigarette had dwindled to a stump and almost burned her fingers. She startled and threw it down, stamping her foot on it harder than necessary.

“You’re excited, huh, girl?” Ruby asked. She started walking toward home, and Evelyn followed her. Ruby didn’t wait for her to answer.

“Those damn near-white boys are all the same, think they’re too cute to ask you on a proper date.”

“He didn’t ask you out either?”

“Are you crazy? He did, but I could tell he didn’t think he had to. I had to lead him over to it.”

“Oh.” Evelyn paused. “When is it?”

“This weekend. He wants to take me to Dufon’s, says he knows the owner. That’s another thing about them. They always have to boast, but Mama says, if you have, you have, and you don’t have to talk too much about it. Not that I think he doesn’t have. His daddy helped found Valena C. Jones Elementary.”

“Yes, chairman of the library committee,” Evelyn mumbled.

Ruby didn’t seem to hear her. “And Daddy says his daddy’s real active in the Seventh Ward Civic League,” she went on. “I may play it cool before I let him know I’m the one he’s been looking for.” She paused as if she suddenly realized she wasn’t onstage. “What about you, Evelyn? When is he taking you? Maybe we can go together, for the first part at least.”

“We’re not,” Evelyn said. She couldn’t bring her head up, but she didn’t let it drag either. It was more level than anything. She looked ahead. Ruby wasn’t as pretty as Evelyn, not as smart either, and Evelyn had tried to muffle herself her whole life to even them out. Here they were though, Evelyn pushing twenty-two and Ruby only twenty, and it was Evelyn who hadn’t gotten a number.