Min Lee - Pachinko

The three guests stood awkwardly until Pastor Shin took his seat. Isak was seated beside Pastor Shin, and Yangjin and Sunja opposite the elder minister.

Once they were seated, no one spoke, waiting for Pastor Shin to lead the meeting with a prayer. After he finished, the elder pastor took his time to assess the young woman whom Isak planned to marry. He’d been thinking a great deal about her since the young pastor’s last visit. In preparation for the interview, Shin had even reread the Book of Hosea. The elegant young man in his charcoal woolen suit contrasted dramatically with the stocky girl — Sunja’s face was round and plain, and her eyes were lowered either in modesty or shame. Nothing in her prosaic appearance conjured up the harlot the prophet Hosea had been forced to marry. She was, in fact, unremarkable in her manner. Pastor Shin didn’t believe in reading faces to determine a person’s fate as his own father had, but if he were to filter her destiny through his father’s eyes, it didn’t look as if her life would be easy, but neither was it cursed. He glanced at her stomach, but he couldn’t tell her condition under the full chima and her coat.

“How do you feel about going to Japan with Isak?” the elder pastor asked Sunja.

Sunja looked up, then looked down. She wasn’t sure what it was that ministers did exactly or how they exercised their powers. Pastor Shin and Pastor Isak weren’t likely to fall into spells like male shamans or chant like monks.

“I’d like to hear what you think,” Shin said, his body leaning in toward her. “Please say something. I wouldn’t want you to leave my office without my having heard your voice.”

Isak smiled at the women, not knowing what to make of the elder pastor’s stern tone of voice. He wanted to assure them that the pastor was well-meaning.

Yangjin placed her hand gently on her daughter’s knee. She’d expected some sort of questioning but she hadn’t realized until now that Pastor Shin thought badly of them.

“Sunja-ya, tell Pastor Shin what you think about marrying Baek Isak,” Yangjin said.

Sunja opened her mouth, then closed it. She opened it again, her voice tremulous.

“I’m very grateful. To Pastor Baek for his painful sacrifice. I will work very hard to serve him. I will do whatever I can to make his life in Japan better.”

Isak frowned; he could see why she’d say this, but all the same, Sunja’s sentiment saddened him.

“Yes.” The elder pastor clasped his hands together. “This is indeed a painful sacrifice. Isak is a fine young man from a good family, and it cannot be easy for him to undertake this marriage, given your situation.”

Isak lifted his right hand slightly in a weak protest, but he kept quiet in deference to his elder. If Pastor Shin refused to marry them, his parents and teachers would be troubled.

Pastor Shin said to Sunja, “You’ve brought this condition upon yourself; is this not true?”

Isak couldn’t bear to look at her hurt expression and wanted to take the women back to the boardinghouse.

“I made a serious mistake. I’m very sorry for what I have done to my mother and for the burden I made for the good pastor.” Tears filled Sunja’s dark eyes. She looked even younger than she normally did.

Yangjin took her daughter’s hand and held it, not knowing if it was right or wrong; she broke into sobs herself.

“Pastor Shin, she is suffering so much already,” Isak blurted out.

“She must recognize her sin and wish to be forgiven. If she asks, our Lord will forgive her.” Shin said each word thoughtfully.

“I suppose she would want that.” Isak had not wanted Sunja to turn to God in this way. Love for God, he’d thought, should come naturally and not out of fear of punishment.

Pastor Shin looked hard at Sunja.

“Do you, Sunja? Do you want to be forgiven for your sin?” Pastor Shin didn’t know if the girl knew what sin was. In the young man’s exuberance to be a kind of martyr or prophet, had Isak explained any of this to her? How could he marry a sinful woman who would not turn from sin? And yet this was precisely what God had asked the prophet Hosea to do. Did Isak understand this?

“To have been with a man without marrying is a sin in the eyes of God. Where is this man? Why must Isak pay for your sin?” Shin asked.

Sunja tried to mop up the tears on her flushed cheeks using her jacket sleeve.

In the corner, the deaf servant girl could make out some of what was being said by reading their lips. She withdrew a clean cloth from her overcoat pocket and gave it to Sunja. She gestured to Sunja to wipe her face, and Sunja smiled at her.

Pastor Shin sighed. Although he didn’t want to upset the girl any further, he felt compelled to protect the earnest young minister.

“Where is the father of your child, Sunja?” Pastor Shin asked.

“She does not know, Pastor Shin,” Yangjin replied, though she was curious to know the answer herself. “She’s very sorry for this.” Yangjin turned to her daughter: “Tell the pastor — tell him that you want forgiveness from the Lord.”

Neither Yangjin nor Sunja knew what that would mean. Would there be a ritual like when you gave the shaman a sow and money to make the crops grow? Baek Isak had never once mentioned this thing about forgiveness.

“Could you? Could you forgive me?” Sunja asked the older minister.

Pastor Shin felt pity for the child.

“Sunja, it’s not up to me to forgive you,” he replied.

“I don’t understand,” she said, finally looking directly at Pastor Shin’s face, unable to keep her eyes lowered. Her nose was running.

“Sunja, all you have to do is ask the Lord to forgive you. Jesus has paid our debts, but you still have to ask for forgiveness. Promise that you’ll turn from sin. Repent, child, and sin no more.” Pastor Shin could sense that she wanted to learn. He felt something inside, and he was reminded of the infant within her who had done nothing wrong. Then Shin recalled Gomer, Hosea’s harlot wife, who remained unrepentant and later cheated on him again. He frowned.

“I’m very sorry,” Sunja repeated. “I won’t do it again. I will never be with another man.”

“It makes sense that you’d want to marry this young man. Yes, he wants to marry you and to take care of the child, but I don’t know if this is prudent. I worry that he is perhaps too idealistic. His family isn’t here, and I need to make sure that he will be all right.”

Sunja nodded in agreement, her sobs subsiding.

Yangjin gulped, having feared this ever since Baek Isak had mentioned that they’d need to speak with Pastor Shin.

“Pastor Shin, I believe Sunja will be a good wife,” Isak pleaded. “Please marry us, sir. I’d like your blessing. You speak from deep and wise concern, but I believe this is the Lord’s wish. I believe this marriage will benefit me as much as it will benefit Sunja and the child.”

Pastor Shin exhaled.

“Do you know how difficult it is to be a pastor’s wife?” he asked Sunja.

Sunja shook her head no. Her breathing was more normal now.

“Have you told her?” he asked Isak.

“I’ll be the associate pastor. I don’t expect that much will be expected of her. The congregation isn’t large. Sunja is a hard worker and learns quickly,” Isak said. He had not thought much about this, however. The pastor’s wife at his home church in Pyongyang had been a great lady, a tireless woman who’d borne eight children, worked alongside her husband to care for orphans and to serve the poor. When she died, the parishioners had wailed as if they’d lost their own mother.

Isak, Sunja, and Yangjin sat quietly, not knowing what else to do.

“You must swear that you’ll be faithful to this man. If you’re not, you’ll bring far greater shame on your mother and your dead father than what you’ve already done. You must ask the Lord for forgiveness, child, and ask Him for faith and courage as you make your new home in Japan. Be perfect, child. Every Korean must be on his best behavior over there. They think so little of us already. You cannot give them any room to think worse of us. One bad Korean ruins it for thousands of others. And one bad Christian hurts tens of thousands of Christians everywhere, especially in a nation of unbelievers. Do you understand my meaning?”