Bel Kaufman: Up The Down Staircase

Perhaps I am losing my sense of humor. It's easy to do that here. But I am still new enough to the system not to take its absurdities for granted. If only the McHabes didn't keep getting in the way, I think I could move a few mountains.

Now I have to mark, over the four-day Thanksgiving holiday, 201 papers. Each is in 5 parts. Each contains 2 compositions.

I shall keep you posted on further developments of the Barrett-Ferone-McHabe Lavatory Case. In the meantime, write me what the weather is like in the outside world.

Love,

Syl

P.S. Did you know that according to the tabulation of the National Council of Teachers of English, it takes six to ten minutes to grade a single composition, and that the city's teachers carry a pupil-load of 150 to 200 pupils per term?

S.

OFFICE OF THE PRINCIPAL

CALVIN COOLIDGE HIGH SCHOOL

Copy to Mr. McHabe Dr. Bester

Dear Miss Barrett,

It has come to my attention that due to laxness on your part in proctoring the Midterm examinations one of our students is under suspicion of cheating. This can have a demoralizing and corrupting effect on the rest of our student body, who have always and at all times upheld our high standards of moral and ethical integrity.

MAXWELL E. CLARKE

PRINCIPAL

Dear Miss Barrett,

Please bring to my office the examination paper of Joseph Ferone as soon as you have marked it. I understand that he has been a failing student in English for the last two terms.

Samuel Bester

Chairman, Language Arts Dept.

INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: 304

TO: 508

Dear Bea—

I've just graded Ferone's paper: he got 89%.

Do you suppose I’ll be court-martialed?

Syl

I have known teachers to go crazy from too much teaching but not you. How come? They should put you on a pedestle.

A Bashful Nobody

My suggestion is overthrow Mr. McHabe and you run the school togeather with Mr. Grayson. Then this would be a great place to be.

(In the Mid Terms the reason I flunked is because I didn't understand the questions.)

It serves them right (dishes in ruins) how we messed up the whole Cafeteria, and we’ll do it again if they still treat us like jailbirds. This is the last warning I'm writting.

At first I thought to myself I'd never live through another English with a female teacher but, instead, well here I am and I owe it all to you.

Rusty

Too strick with the marks. I could use a 80.

A 55

I suggest 1. More teachers with spunk.

A. To stick up for us.

1. The way you stuck up for Joe F.

2. And fight with Mac Habe

3. Character—Excellent & not afraid.

4. And beautiful blue eyes.

Teenager

I complaint all ready about my Midterm mark. What's the use of intergration if marks are still low?

Edward Williams Esq.

I never knew a teacher to really care but you do. Don't ever leave us. I wish I could have you till the end of school.

Carole Blanca

Still stink.

I like to get away from war books like "Shakespeer" to the "dance" in the gym but didn't get a chance to "dance" with you. Maybe we will "next time".

Chas. H. Robbing

You took off to much for sp. and gr. and punct. and vocab. on my Exam, when you were about my age you didn't want the same thing to happen to you.

Zero

I love the frank way you speak to us and I love your methods of teaching and dressing yourself. I love your kindness and whole personality. I also love you for yourself. Tell us more about your own life like you did that time about your college. It makes you feel very human to us so we can be more like you. (I went down to size 15). I'm only misrable at home and never in English. That's why I have this new ambition to be an English Teacher. Can you tell me how you prepared your self for this career?

Your friend,

Vivian Paine

You have one of the best sense of humors I ever met. You made the lessons laughable.

Third Row

I don't like the way you dress, too loud for a teacher, you should tone it down, and a low marker.

Yr Enemy

The reason I like your English is you teach English which can be used in my life to make me somebody. You have arranged your English so that it seems more interesting and it doesn't seem like English though it is. You make likable things I don't like like reading. You teach perfectly and steadily, not too fast or too slow. And you always have time to listen to our side of the book. Can I have you again?

Jose Rodriguez

I know who cheated on the midterms and got away with it, also somebody else.

Guess Who

No matter what I do my mother keeps harping.

Doodlebug

I'm not in your class, but how about a date anyhow? I am a very congenial acquaintance. I am medium tall with dark hazel eyes, sort of chubby face and a little stout around the middle. I suppose you know me already!

Passer By

Although the English Midterms were extremely interesting, they were rather hard to do in my usual well manner. I therefore wish to thank you for giving me the opportunity of raising my mark with a Extra Credit Book Report which I hope you will enjoy reading.

Harry A. Kagan

(The Students Choice)

I'm not saying there's too much homework, but I won't say there's too little. But for you I'm glad to do it even double.

Frank Allen

I was going to drop out but no more. No teacher ever gave me the break you did when you told me I could make up my briliant (Ha-ha!) marks with a book report for extra credit which I will!

Lou Martin

This is the first class I enjoyed failing because of looking at you.

Not enuogh extra credit for washing the Board!

Disgusted

Will you marry me?