Priscilla Goslin - How to Be a Carioca

Consequently, a Carioca never really knows how much money he has or how much he is spending. He just knows that he is earning too little and spending too much and adjusts his life accordingly. A true Carioca will never have more than a little change in his pocket. At least three credit cards with different due dates and a few cheques voadoresare the best weapons with which to keep up with expenses.

Remember: a real Carioca never despairs over financial matters. After all, there is nothing that a day at the beach can’t cure. Besides, that is one thing that’s free.

Now that you have a few bills and coins in your pochete, it’s time to get out and enjoy this beautiful city.

Have you ever dreamt you were behind the wheel of a Formula One race car, experiencing the thrill of overtaking another car by only a hair? Have you ever participated in a demolition derby? Great! You will feel right at home. Now is your chance to forget everything you ever knew about caution on the highways. Just keep in mind that driving in Rio is extremely fast, aggressive, and creative. Then put the pedal to the metal, and go for it!

The following are a few observations that might be useful to the novice — and not so novice — Rio motorist. Adopt them and you, too, will be driving like a true Carioca.

Speed Limits:Sure there are speed limits, but who’s checking? When in Rio drive as fast as you like, but always keep your eyes open since you are not the only one going over one hundred kilometers per hour! If all of a sudden the speeding car in front of you slows down to a snail’s pace, resist the temptation to fly on by. It’s a sure sign that a pardal[pahh ’dawl] (speed trap) is in site. Speed on through and you probably won’t get stopped, but you can rest assured a healthy ticket, courtesy of the local DMV, will be delivered to your door in no less than six month’s time.

Parking:Parking in Rio is «permitted» wherever there are no traffic policemen. (Downtown tends to be a little tricky!) It doesn’t matter if it’s on the sidewalk or in the middle of the street. Being a true Carioca you will simply deposit your car wherever it will fit.

Finding a convenient spot to deposit your car on the busy streets of Rio takes creativity. Therefore, in order to park like a true Carioca on wheels, it is imperative that you master the following acceptable Carioca parking methods:

1. The One-Wheel-on-the-Sidewalk Procedure

2. The Screw-the-Pedestrian Procedure

3. The Door-Dinging Procedure

When your parked car blocks someone else’s, it is a common courtesy to leave the parking brakes off. That way the blocked driver can simply push your car forward or backward, or bounce it sideways, thus making his exit. Just remember, if you are triple parked you might find your car sitting by itself in the middle of the street when you return.

When parking your car anywhere in this city, you may be approached by some dubious looking individual who will offer to «tomar conta»(take care of) your car. This person is known as a guardador, or flanelinha, and can be easily identified by the flannel rag hell be waving frantically, as well as his aggressive behavior. It is advisable to give him at least the equivalent of a dollar in order to avoid any trouble. Giving him less than that or nothing may get him angry, and you’ll run the risk of finding your car liberated of its antenna or scratched upon your return.

At night, in front of major night clubs or theaters, parking in a flanelinha’sarea might cost you the equivalent of ten bucks, although bargaining is acceptable. A true Carioca will go to great lengths to avoid paying a flanelinha.

Unless you are interested in subsidizing the car trade on the border, it is wise to always lock your car. The Carioca motorist will invest in several intricate locking systems and alarms in an effort to thwart even the most cunning and devious car thieves.

Traffic lights:One should always stop at red traffic lights, right? Yes, if it’s a major intersection and it’s daylight; wrong, if it’s a minor intersection. In this case just slow down, check for oncoming traffic and cops, and go on through. After ten o’clock at night disregard all traffic lights at all intersections; just slow down, check for oncoming traffic, and take off! As is the case in most major cities, this traffic tactic is recommended due to the possibility of being approached by characters with unworthy intentions while stopped and distracted at any intersection, especially at night. No need to be a sitting duck, folks!

So you may be asking, «If everyone is running the red lights, what do

I do at a green light?» Easy. At green lights apply the same tactic as you would at a red light, but just be sure to blink your high beams when approaching an intersection so other motorists will know you are coming through. The one who has the red light will usually give the green light the right of way.

Day or night, you will notice that there exist many red lights where Cariocas do not even hesitate — they fly right through. These lights are usually pedestrian crossings. The reasoning is simple: if there isn’t a pedestrian in sight, why stop! Don’t worry. In time you will learn when to stop, when to slow down, and when to breeze right on through a red light.

And the yellow light? That’s easy. Speed up and make it through before it turns red. For sure, the car behind yours will!

General rules for the road:Lanes don’t mean anything. Pass wherever there is a space and on either side. If you really want to drive like a true Carioca, never stay more than eight seconds in the same lane.

Squeezing someone is another way of saying, «Let me in.» Do not squeeze a bus. It will gladly squeeze you back. Remember! No one pays any attention to blinkers — theirs or anyone else’s.

By the number of cars on the road that have dings or dents, you might get the impression that Cariocas aren’t very concerned about crashing. Not true. Just like anybody else, they do get very angry if somebody smashes or bumps into their car. The only difference in Rio is that if you were to leave your car at the repair shop every time you got a dent or bump, you’d eventually forget you had a car. Besides, what’s a smashed fender or two?

Beware when the driver in the car in front of you signals that he is turning either left or right. Cariocas have a tendency to make wide turns in the opposite direction in which they are going, thus completely confusing those drivers who following them.

Whether driving a car or riding in a taxi, a Carioca will usually buckle up. Now don’t for a minute think that the Carioca hasn’t seriously weighed the pros and cons of this very sensitive issue. It’s just that sometimes the cons seem to tip the scale, and the following are a few reasons why: