Priscilla Goslin - How to Be a Carioca

• take a deep breath and put in that classical music CD.

• tune in to the news on your radio.

• do none of the above.

9. When you’re speeding or illegally parked in Rio, your chances of getting a ticket are

• one hundred percent.

• fifty percent.

• twenty-five percent.

• none of the above.

10. When someone approaches you while you are stopped at a red light, they are probably going to ask you for

• trocadinho.

• trocadinho.

• trocadinho.

• all of the above.

11. When approaching a red light, you should

• check your watch.

• stop.

• run the light.

• wash your windshield.

1. DThe first thing you should do when you get in your car is turn off your alarm systems and antitheft devices.

2. ВStop at a yellow light and you will have company in the front seat with you (in other words, the car behind you)!

3. DThe only safe distance between you and the car in front of you is the distance behind you once you have passed it.

4. EOf course, you instinctively will look when seeing item A!

5. СObviously. Be sure to flip him the bird on your way by.

6. EThe padlock that locks your steering wheel to your pedals.

7. DAlthough, due to the red tape in getting one, a real Carioca will just end up buying one!

8. DDrive on the sidewalk while blinking your lights and honking to warn the pedestrians that you are coming through. Then enter the first one-way street, heading in the wrong direction.

9. DBetween one and ten percent.

10. DYou can bet your tangerines, lemons, lottery tickets, candy bars, air biscuits, and loose change on that!

11. AIf you stop and it’s after ten, you might be a sitting duck.

• All eleven correct and you are a natural Carioca on wheels. Vamu nessa!You’ll be a Formula One driver in no time.

• If you managed to get six or more right, you’re still a little wet behind the ears. Calma, Betche!(Relax, Betty!) Work on running a few more lights, and soon you’ll be tailgating, too.

• Got only between three and five correct? You’ll be stuck in that traffic jam until the cows come home. Take a few tips from a taxi driver before getting behind the wheel again.

• Anything less and you should take the bus, pal.

If you have decided that you are the adventurous type and are really getting into being a Carioca, eating out can definitely be an experience. Rio, the cosmopolitan city it is, offers a wide selection of excellent restaurants, and for special occasions you will find your own way to them. But being a real Carioca means that you will not go to the most expensive, and often the most snobbish, restaurant. You’ll go to the one with the most atmosphere.

Teeming with atmosphere, the boteco(Carioca fast-food joint) is a small, stand-up bar with two or three small tables. Also referred to as a botequim, it is not the most hygienic of establishments. Cariocas will frequent at least one on a regular basis where they will get their mandatory cafezinhoor have a quick chopp. Sometimes the Carioca will even go to a botecofor a quick snack where he will find a variety of very greasy delicacies to choose from. Among the most popular are:

coxinha de galinha[koh ‘shee nyah gee gah ‘lee nyah]: one or two tiny pieces of chicken rolled in a lot of dough with half of a chicken bone stuck inside — deep fried.

croquete de carne[kroh ‘keh tche gee ‘kah nee]: meat of dubious origin mixed with dough, usually rolled into a little ball or a finger-sized stick — deep fried.

pastel de queijo[pah ‘stehl gee ‘kayh joo]: small pasta pie with bits of cheese floating inside — deep fried.

ovo cozido[‘oh voh koh ‘zee doo]: multicolored hard-boiled chicken eggs, often eaten in two bites.

P.F.[peh ‘ehff] (prato feito):ready-made house dish of the day, inevitably consisting of rice, black beans, beef jerky, and farofa, pizza: very soggy crust with a thin piece of cheese on top. Served at room temperature.

Obs.: The true Carioca will eat something even if it doesn’t look very tasty. It becomes sort of a personal challenge.

In Rio you can eat just about anything — and I really mean anything. Sometimes you may not be sure of exactly what you are eating, so it’s always best to have at least two caipirinhasbefore digging in. This not only gives you courage and opens your appetite, it kills any unwelcome microorganisms which were not originally on the menu.

Caipirinhasare the local cocktail, and a true Carioca will always have at least two of them at a sitting. Smash some limes in the bottom of a glass with several heaping tablespoons of sugar. Drop in some ice and fill the glass with cachaça(Brazil’s answer to tequila and vodka), and you have the Carioca’s favorite drink. Other variations include substituting the cachaçafor rum ( caipirissima) or vodka ( caipirovska), substituting the limes for grapes ( caipiruva), or forgetting the fruit, sugar and ice and having it straight up, which is referred to as a rabo de galo(rooster tail). Served with a café com leite (coffee with milk) chaser, it is a favorite breakfast substitute for construction workers at the local botequins. Put cachaçaand sugar together with any fruit in a blender, pass it through a sieve, and you have a batida(bah ‘tchee dah). It’s almost as much fun as a caipirinha, without all that garbage at the bottom of the glass to deal with. Have a few and you’ll be dancing the samba in no time.

Cariocas tend to go lightly on breakfast in order to save room for the lunch ritual. Downtown, during the week, lunch is eaten punctually at noon. Business people have their favorite lunch spots, which are usually very small, hot and crowded, with waiters who move like «The Flash», thus creating a rushed atmosphere. As a matter of fact, speaking of atmosphere, you’ll find plenty in a typical downtown lunch spot. You won’t find a salad or vegetable dish gracing these tables, though, as Cariocas seem to have a preference for pure starch. The only exception to this rule is when the sidewalk thermometers reach 40 °C (104°F), and the prato de verão(summer plate) — which consists of a wide assortment of fruit together with ham and hard-boiled eggs — comes back on the menu. These heavy noontime meals are then burned off by standing in any number of bank lines in an effort to pay bills before heading back to the office.

Of course, if you only have time for a stand-up-at-the-counter lunch, you will surely find a local botecoto meet your gastronomical needs. The true Carioca will savor the pernil(pork roast) with pineapple sandwich or coxinha de galinhaselected from the glass counter, but not before asking the fellow behind the counter, «Tá bom isso aí?»(«Is this good?») To which the fellow will most definitely reply, «Ooo, tá ótimo. É de hoje!»(«Oh, yes, very good. Everything prepared today!»), even if they have been sitting in their juices for the better part of the week.