Priscilla Goslin - How to Be a Carioca

On those crowded summer days, the color of your umbrella will be the only means in which to find your way back to your spot. Keep this in mind when purchasing your new umbrella. Consequently, the least attractive one you can find is a sure bet. (Perhaps a lime green with orange polka dots?)

Step 5. Laying down your towel or straw mat(only for women): Once again, carefully check the sun’s direction before laying down your towel or esteira. Then prepare the sand in the following fashion: While standing, dig a hole in the sand with one foot, pushing the sand into a mound. The hole in the sand will cradle your bottom in a hammock fashion, and the mound will secure your head. Once you have built a substantial mound, smooth it over with your foot. Hand use must be avoided in this process. Place your towel on top. While lying in this position you are guaranteed a perfect view of all the sights.

Step 6. Getting settled:Once your umbrella is up, your chairs are unfolded, and your towel is down, you are then free to remove your «arriving-at-the-beach» attire.

For females:If you are not using a towel, unwrap your kangavery carefully and place it, with one snapping motion and a bend at the waist, on the previously prepared mounds. Next, remove your T-shirt, adjust the top portion of your tanga, and place your shirt, neatly folded, in your beach bag. Remove suntan oil from your bag, and slowly, while standing, spread it over your entire body. This should take no less than three minutes in order to achieve the maximum desired effect. Place your beach bag within easy reach, sit on your kanga, swivel at the waist, and stretch out. Presto! You are now ready to receive those penetrating rays. In order to prevent back strain when it is time to flip over, ask the closest gataoto oil those hard to reach areas. There should be an abundant supply of volunteers to help you avoid getting a nasty burn in those inconvenient spots.

For males: Quickly remove your T-shirt and outer shorts, and hang them inside the umbrella. The longer you remain with your shirt on the less you’ll look like a Carioca.

Step 7. Making friends with the beer vendor:Develop a friendly rapport with the closest barraqueiro[bah hah ’kay rroo] (beer vendor with his own stand). This may be achieved by first introducing yourself in the following fashion:

«Qualé mermão? Beleza?» [quah ’leh merh ’mown beh ’leh zah]: «What’s up, buddy? Everything cool?»

Shake his hand, pat him on the back, give him the thumbs-up, and it will be the beginning of a great relationship. Be sure to indicate where you are seated, and he will keep those cervascoming. Don’t worry about digging into the lining of your shorts or your beach bag every time you feel thirsty. Your running tab will be settled when you make that first move to leave the beach. A true Carioca’s tab will be settled on a weekly basis. If you should opt for the weekly, or even monthly, tab — remember that beer vendors are also economists — your tab will most likely be adjusted on a daily basis according to current interest rates.

Step 8. Going for a dip:Eventually, after a few beers and your skin begins to feel crispy, it will be time to go for a swim. How quickly you get wet will be directly influenced by the water temperature and the number of beers and bottles of mineral water you have consumed.

1. Walk slowly down to the shoreline, continuously adjusting the bottom of your tanga.

2. Test the temperature of the water by getting your feet wet.

3. Between waves, walk in up to your knees and squat down far enough to just barely wet your buttocks.

4. Read just your tanga.

5. When the next wave approaches, hold your nose and dive under it, making sure to get back to the shoreline as quickly as possible before the next wave hits.

6. Readjust your tanga.

7. Bend over at the waist and throw your hair backwards and forwards three times to remove excess moisture.

8. Readjust your tangawhile slowly returning to your spot.

1. Run to the shoreline and dive (or flip) into the ocean without stopping to consider the water temperature or the waves.

2. Body surf or swim for at least twenty minutes.

3. Stop at the shoreline to adjust your equipment. Then shake your hair back and forth to remove excess moisture. (This is also helpful in avoiding that «wet seal» look.)

4. Run back to your spot.

5. Although you are wet, don’t be tempted to sit in your chair. A male Carioca will always sit on the sand.

Step 9. Getting active:Now that you are fully energized after your swim, it is time to get active.

On a typical summer day, tens of thousands of Cariocas battle for their rightful place in the sun, on the sand, and in the water. This crowded scenario offers optimum conditions in which to indulge in the many beach activities available to the Carioca. You, too, can participate as long as you play by the rules.

The following are just a few of the beach activities available on a typical summer day in Rio:

• Surfando:Very popular around the world, this sport, also known as pegando onda(catching waves), takes on new meaning on the beaches of Rio. Riding down a wave while standing on a surfboard, the Carioca surfistawill attempt to run over as many objects in his path as possible. Priority should be given to bodibodersand body surfers.

• Bodibodin:Also a very popular water sport, bodibodindiffers from surfing in that the wave is caught while lying down on a bodysized, compressed rubber board. A bodiboder’sfavorite targets are body surfers and other bathers. It is important to note that running over a surfer while bodibodinis the equivalent of signing your own death sentence, the only exception being if the bodiboderis a she.

• Pelada:A form of soccer, pelada(meaning «naked») is played with at least two people. Carioca men are very serious about playing peladaand will always find a way to participate, even if it means hobbling around on a broken or bandaged foot. The object of this game is to kick a soccer ball back and forth through the beach crowd. As more players are attracted to the game, teams can be formed and goals made by positioning chinelos(rubber sandals) approximately two feet apart. On crowded days the chances of throwing sand on bathers and hitting them with the ball is greatest, and so is the fun.

• Frescobol:Reserved for those most crowded summer days, this racquet game is played on the shoreline where the sand is the firmest, and there is sure to be a constant flux of people walking by. Two players, each with a wooden racquet, stand approximately six feet apart and proceed to hit a small rubber ball as hard as they can back and forth, bouncing off as many people as possible without touching the sand.