Priscilla Goslin - How to Be a Carioca

8. If you should be walking in the street when the rains hit, find the nearest dry botecoand have a few chopps? why not make that a few caipirinhas! You won?t be going anywhere anyway.

Leaving town:The true Carioca loves to travel and will even concede his spot on the beach in order to do so. Any of the beautiful beaches along Rio’s coastline — or Brazil’s, for that matter — are favorite Carioca destinations. As far as the Carioca is concerned, though, Paulistasdon’t know «diddlee squat» about the art of going to the beach. And for that reason, as a matter of principle, a true Carioca will bypass any of the spectacular Sao Paulo beaches on his vacation if the Paulistas, those locals from his neighboring rival state, are already there.

Summer is Carnival time, the Carioca’s (and the world’s!) biggest, wildest, best-known party, and all of Rio swings to the rhythm of the samba. Although Carnival is officially in February, it’s around New Year’s Day when the Cariocas develop the sudden urge to dance the samba.

By beating on whatever is available — tables, pans, matchboxes, beer bottles, glasses, themselves — the Carioca creates a continuous, hypnotic rhythm known as the batucada[bah chew ’kah dah]. You will see and hear batucadasbeing spontaneously created on buses, at street corners, on the beach, but most often in the botecoswhere there is a constant flow of cervasor choppsto keep the batucadaand samba alive.

To enjoy the madness of Carnival to its fullest, it is essential that you learn how to dance the samba.

How to dance the samba:The real Carioca has the samba bug under his skin and knows instinctively how to sambar[some ’bah] (dance the samba). If when hearing samba music or a batucadayou feel your legs wanting to dance, but you don’t know how, don’t despair. It is very simple to learn how to dance the samba. It’s just a matter of shaking your body and moving your feet in the following fashion.

Count one, two, three, four to the beat. While lifting your right arm, take a Step forward with your right foot over your left foot. Now take a Step over to the left with your left foot, bringing your left arm up and around as your right foot takes a back Step followed by the respective motion with the right arm. Are you still in the rhythm? Good. Complete the cycle by bringing your left foot back over the right foot, taking a Step forward to the right, thus beginning a new cycle to the beat.

It’s simple. Just keep those hips moving!

Now that you have the basic samba down, you might want to try the real samba. Just follow the footsteps below, and you’ll be sambando[some ’bun doo] (doing the samba) like a true Carioca in no time.

The samba is a very energetic dance with a rhythm that induces the dancer to shout specific samba words of joy. While dancing, the following should be shouted frequently in order to enhance the feeling of the samba:

ô skindô skindo[oh skeen ’doh skeen ’doh]

ziriguidum ziriguidum[zee ree gee ’doon zee ree gee ’doon]

Obs.: These words have absolutely NO meaning, but they do create a great beat.

What to wear:Anything, or close to nothing, is appropriate to wear when doing the samba. But if you’re a closet queen who has always dreamed of venturing out in public wearing lace and high heels, now is your chance. All your fantasies are acceptable and encouraged. The Carioca woman seems to have a preference for baby dolls and garter belts. Don’t ask why. So boys and girls, just dig into that lingerie drawer, and you will fit right in.

Where to do the samba:An where there is a batucadais a fine place to dance the samba.

The holiday:Cariocas love Carnival, primarily since it is a potential ten- day vacation. The holiday itself is officially on Carnival Tuesday and Ash Wednesday until noon, when the work schedules are supposed to resume. But forget that! Since the Carioca will begin his Carnival festivities a month before Carnival, when the actual event comes around he is so «partied out» he will often take advantage of the holiday to leave town. This pilgrimage will begin on the Thursday night preceding Carnival in order to avoid the Friday traffic. No one is really expected to show up at the office on Ash Wednesday at noon, and on the Thursday and Friday after Carnival nothing really happens. Therefore, the Carioca will return to town on the following Monday at noon in order to avoid the Sunday night traffic.

Those diehards who have a passion for the samba school parades and participate by joining a school or two every year will return to Rio specifically for that event, then quickly go back to their vacation spots after their night of glory is over. This leaves Rio free game for the Carnival-loving Cariocas, the tourists, and those of dubious sexual preference.

Ziriguiduin!

Winter in Rio lasts for a week. A bad winter will last for two.

What to wear:When the street thermometers register 18 °C (65°F) you will finally have that long-awaited opportunity to wear all those sweaters, jackets, and boots you bought in Buenos Aires before arriving in Rio. Wear them all at the same time, and you will fit right in. A Carioca would.

What to do:See Lesson 10, «The Carioca Summer.»

The true Carioca believes he is never alone and that all aspects of his life are governed by spirits, both good and evil. Although predominantly a Catholic country, the Carioca will not hesitate to call upon any number of these spirits for comfort or healing.

If you should find yourself ill, or in need, while visiting Rio, do as the Carioca does. Before calling the nearest doctor, go to your local newsstand and pick up a guide to simpatia[seen pah ’tchee yah], a healing ritual always preceded by a prayer to a favorite spiritual guide (a guardian angel, patron saint, or guru).

In order to receive full benefits through simpatia, it is important to note the following guidelines before commencing down the road to well-being:

The objective of your simpatiashould be honest and not prejudice anyone or anything.

Love conquered through occult healing forces will not last forever — between three to seven years.

Never attempt a simpatiawithin twenty-four hours of serious hanky-panky.