Liz Fraser - The Yummy Mummy’s Survival Guide

TOP TIP: If you think your baby has suddenly stopped moving about as much as normal, keep an eye on it, and if you are worried then call your midwife. Hospitals are usually happy to monitor your bump for a while, just to check everything is normal. Don’t panic immediately though: babies do sleep occasionally, you know, and you will feel like a real clot when you rush in, only to monitor a baby having a well-earned nap.

15. Stretch marks

Ready? These are a complete misnomer, because stretch marks are not caused by stretching at all. You can get them without being pregnant, whether you are fat or thin, as a teenager or even if you are a man. Ha! Some think they can even be caused by stress. Stretch marks can look like thin red lines or patches. They sometimes turn white with time, and in bad cases they can actually be raised from the surrounding skin.

The bad news:There is almost nothing you can do to prevent them from appearing. It’s in your genes, so start praying you’ve got some good ones. Oh, and they are permanent.

The good news:Lots of pregnant women never get any, and they do fade with time, so ‘permanent’ doesn’t mean permanently very visible.

Can I do anything to prevent these ugly marks?

Oils and Lotions.Whether these have any significant effect is still up for debate, but there are lots of lovely lotions, oils and creams which are definitely worth a try—and feel wonderful too.

Mama Mio Superstretch Tummy Rub:This very stylish brand promises stretch mark-free tummies up and down the country.

Pure Vitamin E oil mixed with wheatgerm oil.

Jo Malone’s Vitamin E Gel:This is used in her heavenly facials, but clients started to report back on its fantastic stretch-mark-preventing potential.

Clarins ‘Tonic’ Body Treatment Oil:A legendary oil which tones, firms and moisturises. I’ve seen it in lots of myYummy Mummy friends’ bathroom cabinets. I do like to snoop, you know.

Clarins Bust Lotion and Bust Gel:Because you can’t forget the marks which might appear here as well.

This Works Stretch Mark Oil:It does, apparently.

Vichy Complete Action Anti-Stretch Mark Cream:Helps to prevent new ones, and reduce the appearance of existing ones.

Exercise.If you keep the exercise up, your skin should stay more toned and the risk of stretch marks might be reduced. Might , but even a ‘might’ is worth a few extra visits to the gym.

Looking Good:Gorgeous Clothes for the Suddenly Large of Girth

18 December. 5 p.m. Seven months pregnant.

I’ve been trying on outfits for an hour, and I am now so depressed and disgusted that I don’t think I’ll manage to drag myself out at all. I look like a dairy cow—I have to stop looking in this mirror.

And my shoes don’t bloody fit because my feet are swollen! Why can Sarah Jessica Parker look so fabulous with a great big belly? Oh yes, Oscar de la Renta. Well, Zara will have to work the same magic for me.

Once upon a very unfashionable time, all pregnant women dressed badly. This was partly because there were no gorgeous maternity ranges available, and partly because Yummy Mummies hadn’t been invented yet. Happily, times have changed, and we all know that pregnant ladies can look fabulous: just look at Anna Friel and Victoria Beckham.

Of course everyone has a different opinion of what constitutes an attractive woman: some like their ladies curvy, others prefer the androgynous nymph; curls do it for some, poker-straight for others. Tall, short, blonde, brunette, muscular, willowy, bold, reclusive, pale, tanned, made-up or natural, we come in a glittering array of shapes and forms, and manage to look sexy and feminine in all of them. We are clever, aren’t we?

But whatever your personal ideal, one thing makes a woman look like a woman, and feel like a woman. It’s such an important biological characteristic that even babies can tell the difference between a man and a woman by it. No, it’s not the presence of breasts: it’s the hourglass figure created by having a defined waist.

Ah! A waist ! A flat, trim, nipped-in waist. Hips are fairly crucial to the female form too, but unless your waist is smaller than your hips, it’s very hard to look feminine, and it’s harder still to feel beautiful. Social anthropologists reckon a ‘magic ratio’ of waist to hips of 7:10 is evolutionarily significant: it signals sexual appeal at a primal level, as it indicates good child-bearing potential. You mean men think that hard?

Those geniuses among you will already have guessed where I’m going here: when you are pregnant, your waist disappears for a while, and then reappears as your bump starts to come out —a LONG way after a certain point, and it is not the most flattering shape when it comes to modern fashions and ideas of femininity, and looking good in these circumstances takes some effort.

The First Signs of a Change

I always imagined that the Absolutely Enormous phase towards the end would be the worst time of pregnancy, in terms of how I looked and felt, but actually many of my friends agree with me that the moment your waist disappears is one of the big pregnancy lows. At least when it’s out , it’s out, and you can pretend to glow and blossom into your new shape. But when it’s just not there at all you look neither slim nor pregnant. I wanted to wear a badge explaining: ‘I know I don’t really look it yet, but the reason I’m a bit shapeless is that I’m four months pregnant and my waistline is in temporary hiding. Please stop staring at me and pretend that I look lovely.’

Unfortunately, there’s very little that clothing can do to help. Developing an addiction to Juicy Couture trousers is not so much a fashion statement as a ‘missing waist’ concealer, and it works, and I’d advise any bloated-feeling Yummy Mummy-to-be to do the same. Don’t do what I did though: I lived in some very unattractive tracksuit trousers for a month or so, and all this did was to make me feel incredibly fat and ugly. By my third pregnancy I’d learned that ‘comfy’ doesn’t mean shapeless and without-any-style-at-all. Wearing some stylish, comfy trousers at this not-quite-pregnant-enough-yet stage makes you feel much better about your condition.

Pregnancy Wardrobe Phase One: Before It Really Shows

Wear comfy (but gorgeous) trousers, which fit your legs well but have a forgiving waist: stretch fabric, low-slung and elasticated all work at this stage.

Make sure your top half is longer than waist-length.

Three-quarter-length jackets come into their own now.

Tie a hoody or a jumper around your waist and pretend the bulk is from that.

Wear a really long, skinny scarf which hangs loosely down to your waist: it hides what’s behind. But don’t wear belts or tie scarves around your waist—it just accentuates the enlargement.