Doris Lessing - Play With a Tiger and Other Plays

TOM [ rallying into his smooth sarcasm ]: Harry, I yield to no one in my admiration of your tact but I really must say …

HARRY: Don’t be silly. I got a clear picture from Mary here, of you and Anna, snarling and snapping on the verge of tears – it doesn’t do at all. When a thing’s finished it’s finished. I know, for my sins I’m an expert.

TOM: Forgive me if I make an over-obvious point, but this really isn’t one of the delightful little affairs you specialize in.

HARRY: Of course it was. You two really aren’t in a position to judge. Now if you weren’t Tom and Anna, you’d take one look at yourselves and laugh your heads off at the idea of your getting married.

ANNA [ she goes to the window and looks down ]: Harry, come and see me next week and I’ll probably laugh my head off.

HARRY: Next week’s no good at all. You won’t need me then, you’ll have recovered.

TOM [ immensely sarcastic ]: Surely, Harry, if Anna asks you to leave her flat, the least you can do is to … [ANNA suddenly giggles. ]

HARRY: There, you see? How could you possibly marry such a pompous idiot, Anna. [ to TOM, affectionately ] Anna can’t possibly marry such an idiot, Tom. Anna doesn’t like well-ordered citizens, like you, anyway.

MARY: I don’t know how you can say well-ordered. He was just another lame duck until now.

HARRY: But he’s not a lame duck any more. He’s going to work for Jeffries, and he’ll be administering to the spiritual needs of the women of the nation through the ‘Ladies Own.’

TOM: I’m only going to be on the business side. I won’t be responsible for the rubbish they – [ He stops, annoyed with himself. HARRY and MARY laugh at him. ]

HARRY: There you are, he’s a solid respectable citizen already.

TOM [to HARRY]: It’s not any worse than the rag you work for is it?

HARRY [ reacts to TOM with a grimace that says touché! and turns to ANNA]: When are you going to get some comfortable furniture into this room?

ANNA [ irritated almost to tears ]: Oh sit on the floor, go away, stop nagging.

HARRY: Don’t be so touchy. The point I’m trying to make is, Tom’d never put up with a woman like you, he’s going to have a house with every modern convenience and everything just so … Anna, what’ve you done with Dave?

ANNA: I haven’t seen him for weeks.

HARRY: That’s silly, isn’t it now?

ANNA: No.

HARRY: Now I’m going to give you a lot of good advice, Anna and …

TOM: Fascinating, isn’t it? Harry giving people advice.

MARY: Harry may not know how to get his own life into order, but actually he’s rather good at other people’s.

HARRY: What do you mean, my life is in perfect order.

TOM: Indeed? May I ask how your wife is?

HARRY [in a much used formula ]: Helen is wonderful, delightful, she is very happy and she loves me dearly.

TOM [ with a sneer ]: How nice.

HARRY: Yes, it is. And that’s what I’m going to explain to you, Anna. Look at Helen. She’s like you, she likes interesting weak men like me, and …

TOM: Weak is not the word I’d have chosen, I must say.

MARY: Surely not weak, Harry?

ANNA: Weak is new, Harry. Since when, weak?

HARRY: I’ll explain. It came to me in a flash, one night when I was driving home very late – it was dawn, to be precise, you see, weak men like me …

ANNA [ suddenly serious ]: Harry, I’m not in the mood.

HARRY: Of course you are. We are always in the mood to talk about ourselves. I’m talking about you, Anna. You’re like Helen. Now what does Helen say? She says, she doesn’t mind who I have affairs with provided they are women she’d like herself.

TOM: Charming.

MARY: But Harry, Helen’s got to say something … well, I mean to say.

ANNA: I simply can’t stand your damned alibis.

HARRY: Tom must have been bad for you, Anna, if you’re going to get all pompous. Helen and I …

ANNA [ snapping ]: Harry, you forget I know Helen very well.

HARRY [ not realizing her mood ]: Of course you do. And so do I. And you ought to take on Dave the way Helen’s taken me on …

ANNA: Harry, go away.

HARRY [ still blithe ]: No, Anna. I’ve been thinking. You’ve got to marry Dave. He needs you.

[MARY makes a warning gesture at HARRY, indicating ANNA.]

[ to MARY] Don’t be silly, darling. [ to ANNA again ] Helen knows I’ll always come back to her. Anna, Dave needs you. Have a heart. What’ll Dave do?

ANNA [ snapping into hysterical resentment ]: I’ll tell you what he’ll do. He’ll do what you did. You married Helen who was very much in love with you. When she had turned into just another boring housewife and mother you began philandering. She had no alternative but to stay put.

HARRY: Anna, Anna, Anna!

ANNA: Oh shut up. I know Helen, I know exactly what sort of hell she’s had with you.

HARRY: Tom, you really have been bad for Anna, you’ve made her all bitchy.

ANNA: Dave will marry some girl who’s in love with him. Oh, he’ll fight every inch of the way, of course. Then there’ll be children and he’ll be free to do as he likes. He’ll have a succession of girls, and in between each one he’ll go back and weep on his wife’s shoulder because of his unfortunately weak character. Weak like hell. She’ll forgive him all right. He’ll even use her compliance as an additional attraction for the little girls, just as you do. My wife understands me, he’ll say, with a sloppy look on his face. She knows what I’m like. She’ll always be there to take me back. God almighty, what a man.

HARRY: Anna, you little bitch.

ANNA: That’s right. But there’s just one thing, Dave shouldn’t have picked on me. I’m economically independent. I have no urge for security so I don’t have to sell myself out. And I have a child already, so there’s no way of making me helpless, is there, dear weak, helpless Harry?

HARRY: Mary, you should have told me Anna was in such a bitchy mood and I wouldn’t have come up.

MARY: But I did tell you, and you said, ‘Well Anna won’t be bitchy with me.’

[ The door bell, downstairs. ]

MARY: I’ll go.

ANNA: Mary, I’m out.

MARY: Well don’t blame me for Harry, he insisted. [ as she goes out ] Pussy, pussy, puss, puss.

HARRY: I can’t think what Mary would do if Anna did get married.

TOM [ spitefully ]: They are rather like an old married couple, aren’t they?

[ANNA pulls down the window with a crash and turns her back on them. ]

HARRY: But so nice to drop in on for aid and comfort when in trouble. [ to ANNA’S back ] Anna, I’m in trouble.

ANNA: Don’t worry, you’ll be in love with someone else in a few weeks.

HARRY [ humorous but serious ]: But I won’t. This girl, my poppet, she’s getting married. [ as ANNA shrugs ] For God’s sake woman, shut the window, it’s freezing. [ANNA shuts it, but remains looking down. ] She met some swine at a party – actually he’s very nice. A handsome young swine – he really is nice. She’s marrying him – actually, I advised her to. Anna!

ANNA: Did you expect her to hang round for the rest of her life in a state of single blessedness because you didn’t want to break up your happy home with Helen? [ she turns, sees his face, which is genuinely miserable ] Oh all right. I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. [ She puts her arms around him. ]

HARRY: There’s my Anna. [ to TOM] I’m sure you’ve never seen this side of her, but she is a sweet girl, at heart.