Leil Lowndes - Always in the Kitchen at Parties - Simple Tools for Instant Confidence

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First published in the UK by HarperElement 2006

© Leil Lowndes 2005

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

Leil Lowndes asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN 9780007199785

Ebook Edition © FEBRUARY 2015 ISBN: 9780008138400

Version: 2015-11-04

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Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Preface

Section I: A Word to the Shy …

Don’t Be an Avoidance Junkie

SHYBUSTER 1 Go Cold Turkey on the Small Stuff

Don’t Expect a Miracle (Today at Least!)

Welcome

SHYBUSTER 2 Eat the Peaches at Your Own Pace

The Confidence Warm-up

SHYBUSTER 3 Wake Up Like a Whacko

Section II: Why Am I Shy?

Take the ‘Cot Test’ to See if You Were Born Shy

SHYBUSTER 4 Ask Them if You Freaked Out

Did I ‘Catch’ a Dose of Shyness?

SHYBUSTER 5 Rummage Through Your Relatives

SHYBUSTER 6 Did Shyness Rub Off On You?

Was it Bullies in Bygone Days?

SHYBUSTER 7 Replay the Early Show

It Was All Mum and Dad’s Fault

SHYBUSTER 8 Don’t Baby Your Baby

So Who Ya Gonna Blame?

Section III: Dealing with People Until Your Shyness Is Gone

Should I Tell People I’m Shy?

SHYBUSTER 9 Why Tell Strangers?

Labels Are Lethal

SHYBUSTER 10 Don’t Burn Yourself with the ‘Shy’ Branding Iron

Tell the Truth, the Half-truth, and Nothing But the Half-truth

SHYBUSTER 11 I’m Shy, So What?

Section IV: What People Really Think of You

Can People Tell I’m Shy?

SHYBUSTER 12 Be Shy on the Sly

Take Off Your Mud-coloured Spectacles

SHYBUSTER 13 Pitch the Paranoia

Don’t Be a Sucker for Rejection

SHYBUSTER 14 Don’t Choose Toxic Friends

Come Back Down Off the Ceiling

SHYBUSTER 15 Stamp Out the Surreal

Think of Your Shyness from Their Perspective

SHYBUSTER 16 Don’t Let Stupid Sures Make You Shy

Slay the Monster Memories

SHYBUSTER 17 Be Your Own Social Scribe

I Think I’m Beginning to Love You, Self

SHYBUSTER 18 Find Your Passion and Your Purpose

Section V: Getting Out of the Kitchen

A Shy’s Most Important 10 Seconds

SHYBUSTER 19 Click on ‘Animate’ for 10 Seconds

Who’s the Boss? Your Mind or Body?

SHYBUSTER 20 Let Your Body Be the Boss

How to Make Eye-contact Easy

SHYBUSTER 21 Infant Eyes

SHYBUSTER 22 Octogenarian Eyes

SHYBUSTER 23 Eager Eyes

SHYBUSTER 24 Say ‘I Like You’ Silently

A Quick Smile and a Slow Jet Get You Nowhere Fast

SHYBUSTER 25 Make Faces at Yourself

For the Want of a Smile

SHYBUSTER 26 A Lifetime of Happiness Was Lost

Snobs Don’t Smile Either

SHYBUSTER 27 Don’t Let Them Feel Snubbed

If at First You Don’t Succeed, Swear!

SHYBUSTER 28 Your First Failure Is Success

Battling Blushing, Sweating and Clammy Hands

SHYBUSTER 29 Laugh It Off Before It Happens

Section VI: Absolutely No-Pain, Lots-of-Gain Techniques

The Power and Pleasure of Anonymity

The Out-of-town Caper

SHYBUSTER 30 Be Anonymous for a Day

SHYBUSTER 31 Be an Undercover Shy

Dress as Your Fantasy Person

SHYBUSTER 32 Kick Out the Dull Kit

Fries with That?

SHYBUSTER 33 Be a Part-time Job-hopper

Section VII: Get a (New) Life

Something to Consider

SHYBUSTER 34 Time to Jump Ship?

The Shy’s Sneaky Way to Get a Super Job

SHYBUSTER 35 Interview with Companies You Don’t Want to Work For

Section VIII: Parties and Other Places in Hell

Building Up to Bashes

SHYBUSTER 36 Prescription: One Small Dose of Party

Going to a Party Is Not ‘Going to a Party’

SHYBUSTER 37 Have a Buddy Monitor You

SHYBUSTER 38 Showing Up Is Not Enough

Preparing for a Party

SHYBUSTER 39 Ponder Before the Party

SHYBUSTER 40 Get Opinionated!

Getting Legless Is Not the Answer

SHYBUSTER 41 Drink and Drugs Make Shyness Worse

How to Get Off the Hook (Half the Time)

SHYBUSTER 42 Toss a Coin

The Danger of Being a ‘Denying Shy’

SHYBUSTER 43 Bring a Note from Your Subconscious

Section IX: Fearless Conversation

Terrified of Being Trite?

SHYBUSTER 44 Be Banal, But Not Brief

SHYBUSTER 45 Sound Dazzled Over the Dullest Things

SHYBUSTER 46 Use Their Moniker in Moderation

What Do I Say Next?

SHYBUSTER 47 Ask ‘Go On’ Questions

The Proven Eye-contact Cure

SHYBUSTER 48 The Eyeball Lock

SHYBUSTER 49 Looking Longer Looks Smart

SHYBUSTER 50 Lingering Looks Kindle ‘Chemistry’

Chameleons Should Choose Their Colours Carefully

SHYBUSTER 51 A Little Shove from a Non-Shy Friend

Become an Expert – on Anything!

SHYBUSTER 52 Find Others Who Share Your Passion

How to Answer the Inevitable Question

SHYBUSTER 53 Rehearse Your Mini-CV

Nobody Expects You to Perform

SHYBUSTER 54 Look, Nod, Smile

Passion Slays Shyness

SHYBUSTER 55 Stamp Out Shyness with Your Particular Passion

Section X: Sure-fire Extinguishers for Shyness

A Dare a Day Drives Shyness Away

SHYBUSTER 56 Do Your Daily Dare

Make Shopping a Valuable Part of SOS

SHYBUSTER 57 Inspect Six, Buy One

A Little Help from Man’s Best Friend

SHYBUSTER 58 Attention-getter on a Leash

Social Blooper Remedy

SHYBUSTER 59 Make a Mental Movie of Your Cool Moves

SHYBUSTER 60 What the Manners Mavens Say

Take a Bite Out of Shyness for Lunch