Tim Bradford - Is Shane MacGowan Still Alive?

The author and publishers are grateful to the following for permission to reproduce material: Kinky Music and R&E Music for permission to quote from ‘Before All Hell Breaks Loose’ by Kinky Friedman and Panama Red and ‘When the Lord Closes the Door (He Opens a Little Window)’ by Kinky Friedman and Jeff Shelby; Warner/Chappell Music for permission to quote from ‘Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick’ by Ian Dury; BMG Music for ‘I Should Be So Lucky’ words and music by Mike Stock, Matt Aitken and Pete Waterman © BMG Music Publishing Ltd/Mike Stock Publishing Ltd/Sid’s Songs Ltd/All Boys Music Ltd (All rights reserved. Used by permission); Leeds United FC for permission to quote from The Leeds United Book of Football . Thanks to Pogue Music Ltd and Perfect Songs Ltd for permission to quote from ‘ A Rainy Night in Soho’ by Shane MacGowan.

Every reasonable effort has been made to contact copyright holders for all the extracts reproduced in this volume. The publishers apologise for any omissions and are happy to receive any emendations from copyright holders at the address below.

Fourth Estate

An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk

First published in Great Britain by Harper Press 2000

Copyright © Tim Bradford 2000

Tim Bradford asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN: 9780006551683

Ebook Edition © FEBRUARY 2016 ISBN: 9780007394685

Version: 2016-01-13

To the Irish people who

have changed my life

But Leeds taught me something else – that

work and will to win are just as vital as any

instinctive skills you may possess.

JOHNNY GILES, Leeds United Book of Football

Today I decided not to think of you

But was betrayed by a lazy pub window.

I saw a slim tree whose delicate red leaves

Rose and fell in the Thames breeze –

A mixed-up drinker, at this time of year,

I can taste Yeats in the beer.

ROBERT GAINSBOROUGH, ‘Maude Gone Fishing’

COVER

TITLE PAGE

COPYRIGHT

DEDICATION

EPIGRAPH

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

PREFACE

Is Shane MacGowan Still Alive? Camden Town to Camden Lock

Irish Myths & Legends 1: How to be Irish

FINNEGANIA

On a Clear Day You Can See Fulham Football Ground Hammersmith

Irish Myths & Legends 2: Irish Food

VIKING TOWN

Visions of Beer and Loathing on the Road to Holyhead Hammersmith to Dublin

Notes on a Cultural Tour of Dublin

The Informal Urchin-gurrier Choir of Hill 16 Croke Park

Dublin, Fair City of Vikings, Buskers and Soaring House Prices Twenty-four quietish hours

Irish Myths & Legends 3: Leprechaun

ORANGE COUNTY

Hungover Adventures with the Sea-Urchin-Moustachioed Guard Kildare

A Cup of Tea, A Slice of Cake, I Love You Adare, County Limerick

Looking for an All-Encompassing Theory of the Universe in a Hurling Match Limerick to Thurles, County Tipperary

Why is there Orange in the Irish Flag? East to west Portarlington, County Laois

The Search for the Celts

Dunphy v. Charlton Football

Irish Myths & Legends 4: Some Ancient Sagas of Magical Creatures

SHANEWORLD

Lost Highway – County Cork

Fungie the Dolphin, Dingle, County Kerry

Is Irish Music Any Good? Doolin, County Clare

The Day the Earth Stood Still Limerick to Galway, County Clare

Conversations with the Future Foreign Correspondent of the Irish Times Galway City

Alone on Yeats’ Mountain Sligo to Benbulben round trip

W. B. Yeats v. Daniel O’Donnell Around Sligo

The Ian Paisley Impersonators Talk about Weapons Derry

Thinking in Four-part Harmony Mullingar to Moate

Irish Myths & Legends 5: Heritage Ireland

MARYLAND

Smelly Stuff, God, Moving Statues and Space Jockeys Ballinspittle, County Cork

The Art of the Storyteller Blarney,County Cork

Selling a Car in Potato Town Youghal, County Cork

The Beach Tramore, County Waterford

Born to be Wild (Now and Again, if I’m in the Mood) Ireland to Englishness

APPENDIX: London Irish pub guide

KEEP READING

IRISH CROSSWORD

HELPFUL IRISH MAPS

INDEX

SOLUTIONS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

PRAISE

ABOUT THE PUBLISHER

1 Welcome to Ireland

2 ‘Ireland’

3 Atonal Improvised Alto Saxophone

4 Morris dancing v. Irish dancing

5 Leppy

6 FINNEGANIA

7 Various: potato, wine-man, half-crazed hawker

8 ‘Sure, so what’s this squiggly bit, then?’

9 My Great, Great Grandfather the Horseperson

10 Pseudo-Sean and his Joycean chat-up

11 A dancing ‘Gerry Adams’

12 Superquinn Sausages

13 English butter bad, Irish butter good

14 VIKING TOWN

15 Tim’s Short- and Long-Term Memory Tank System

16 Terry’s Short-Term Memory System

17 Electropop

18 The Great Lincolnshire Graphic Novel

19 Various: comedian, armoured car, mad relation

20 Holyhead

21 Cultural Tour Icons: Book of Kells, Martello Tower, Maud Gonne, Charlie Haughey, The Divorce Referendum, Gate Theatre, Sharon Shannon and Donal Lunny, The Peace Process, Ireland 1 Italy 0, Dana

22 Football Types

23 O’Shea’s

24 Mad Eyes

25 Scary Viking

26 Leprechaun, Firbolg

27 Jockey

28 ORANGE COUNTY

29 Barney the Cocktail Maker

30 Red-faced Beardy

31 Various: angry short speccy guy, ticket inspector (dead-ringer for a German U-boat commander), two Clare girls, old man

32 Hurling

33 Sean McCabe the barber

34 Yellow Steeple, Trim

35 Tara

36 The Celts were tough

37 Faery Footballer

38 Jack Charlton

39 Sean the Dublin Bay Prawn of Neutrality

40 Kevin the Carp of Storytelling

41 SHANEWORLD

42 Tractor/pheasant connection

43 Fungie the Dolphin

44 Rex and Shaggy

45 Doolin

46 ‘Mars!’

47 The Great Fiddle Mystery

48 Gort

49 Can Man

50 Spanish Conceptual Art