Karen Sullivan - You Want to Do What? - Instant answers to your parenting dilemmas

Spending a lot of time in their rooms

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Reduced memory and attention span

TIPS FOR KIDS

If your child has begun drinking, it’s worth giving him or her some advice about how to approach it in a sensible fashion. For example:

Don’t start drinking if you are angry, anxious or depressed. Alcohol can easily become a crutch.

Become aware of when you need to stop drinking – when your speech becomes slurred, when your memory is affected, when you find yourself being a little too open or brave, when you become dizzy or giddy.

If you drink too quickly it is impossible to monitor how intoxicated you are getting. Slow down and let the effects spread over a long enough period of time.

Eat when you drink whenever possible – it slows down the absorption of alcohol into the bloodstream.

Remember that a true friend will never let a friend drink and drive or to drink dangerously. In other words, good friends look out for each other.

Remember the dangers of alcohol – drinking a small bottle of spirits (or the equivalent in wine or beer) over an hour or two gives you a one in two chance of dying, according to the Emergency Services.

Don’t allow anyone to bully or intimidate you into drinking too much – or binge-drinking. No one who really cares about you will do this.

Should I allow alcohol in my home if my kids are under age?

This is a similar question to allowing drinks for celebrations and a little wine with dinner. There is clear evidence that children who grow up accustomed to moderate, restrained drinking with meals are less likely to binge-drink or to develop alcohol problems in later life. Therefore, there is something to be said for giving them a regular taste of the ‘forbidden fruit’, in order to dispel its potential power. You must, however, ensure that your children are supervised at all times, and that the amount drunk is strictly regulated. One small glass of wine or beer with a meal is adequate until the age of fifteen.

Your children may have friends who bring alcohol to parties or get-togethers. Whether you choose to allow this is up to you and your personal family policy on under-aged drinking.

What are the legal implications?

If your child or anyone in your care is under the age of sixteen, you are responsible for their health and safety. A houseful of drunk teenagers can not only lead to tragedy, but to criminal prosecution. You are well within your rights, therefore, on a legal basis, to deny drinking in your home. If you do consent, it would be sensible to ask permission from the parents of any child who will be present.

When should I educate my children about alcohol?

Young people who have access to alcohol – drinking at parties, friends’ houses, in the park – quite often drink to get drunk. The number of teenagers trying drink in their early teens is growing, often influenced by peer pressure and the media. The worry for parents is that it can also be linked to risky teenage behaviour such as unprotected and early sex. Several studies indicate that kids regularly drink from about age twelve, so it’s worth discussing the dangers of alcohol with them well before that time. In reality, discussions about alcohol can be a part of family conversation from a very early age.

What is safe drinking?

When kids get older, you can give them tips on safe drinking ( see page ), and also explain the effects of alcohol. Kids like facts because they can spout them when they feel cornered by peers.

Top tips

Talk openly about the potential dangers – from health to safety – in a practical way so they don’t tune out.

Remember your own behaviour will influence them. Be honest about the reasons why you or people in general like drinking as well as the negatives of alcohol.

Talk about how they may feel or what they may do under pressure – whether it is deciding what they do if they are offered a drink, or if a friend offers them a lift home after drinking.

Encourage your child to stick to lower-strength brands and not to drink too quickly.

Agree rules on parties and be around if your child has a party at home.

Make sure your child has a way of getting home safely at night.

Be wary of late-night changes of plan (staying at a friend’s at the last minute) – chances are your child is hiding something. Try to avoid this type of secretiveness.

Make them aware of the danger of drink-spiking and not putting themselves in vulnerable situations. Encourage your children and their friends to look out for each other.

Explore how alcohol affects people in different ways, and how it can make some people aggressive and up for a fight. Talk through ways of keeping safe and walking away from trouble.

Encourage your teenager to make sensible choices, by stressing the health risks involved rather than laying down the law or giving ultimatums.

Armed forces

When can my son join the Army?

The UK’s armed forces (the Army, Royal Navy, Royal Air Force and Royal Marines) recruit school leavers from the age of sixteen, and they can be used on operations from the age of seventeen, the limit under current international conventions. You can apply to join the Royal Navy at fifteen years and nine months. Entry age and qualifications differ according to the branch of the service your child wishes to join. For example, your child can join any of the armed forces at sixteen, but if he or she wishes to join as an officer, they usually have to wait another year or so – seventeen and six months for the Air Force, and seventeen and nine months for the Army.