Karen Sullivan - You Want to Do What? - Instant answers to your parenting dilemmas

Make it clear to your child and his guests what is and is not allowed.

Act as barperson yourself, or ask another responsible adult to do so. Not every teenager is responsible or mature enough to make the right decisions about intake.

Limit what’s on offer – allowing, say, a beer or two per guest, or one or two glasses of wine or alcopop.

Don’t allow guests to bring drinks to the party (even soft drinks, as they may have been spiked with alcohol).

Offer plenty of non-alcoholic drinks so that kids don’t feel pressured to drink, and have an option when they’ve drunk their fill.

Make non-alcoholic drinks attractive and ‘fun’ if possible – a juice bar with plenty of ice, fruit, juices and fizzy drinks can make this option more appealing.

Avoid punches if you can – these are easily ‘spiked’ and it’s also harder to control who is drinking what.

Offer plenty of food alongside any drinks, to soak up the alcohol.

Make sure that all your young guests have a safe means of getting home.

How old does my daughter need to be in order to buy alcohol legally?

In the UK, your daughter can buy beer, wine or cider in a pub from the age of sixteen, as long as she has a meal alongside and is with an adult. She can purchase any type of alcohol from the age of eighteen, from any premises.

What is the law in Europe?

In Europe, legislation is much more relaxed. Most children will be served alcohol with meals in restaurants if they are accompanied by an adult; most parents serve alcohol at home with meals and at celebrations. The legal drinking age for purchasing alcohol and consuming it on licensed premises ranges from sixteen to twenty, with eighteen being the most common age limit.

What happens in the US?

Don’t expect to have a sniff of alcohol until you are at least twenty-one. Not only is it almost impossible to buy without an ID card stating your age, but there is a strong anti-alcohol ethos that encourages abstention until twenty-one.

How do I know if my son is drinking too much?

Unfortunately, binge-drinking is a part of today’s youth culture. It’s not social drinking as we know it, but more like an ‘extreme sport’ – where you drink until you pass out or vomit. Chances are that if your son is drinking, he may well be drinking too much. A few drinks a week may be acceptable for an older teenager or a little alcohol with meals, but his health (in particular his liver and brain) can be affected if he is drinking large quantities regularly. It is important that he learns moderation, and that you keep tabs on what is going on. Remember that most kids don’t worry about alcohol and its dangers, because it’s part of their culture, they see deaths or alcohol poisoning as freak accidents, and they think they are immortal.

If your child is drinking too much, it’s important that you talk to him ( see page ), to explain the risks and find out why he feels the need to drink excessively.

OBVIOUS SIGNS OF OVERDRINKING

Bloodshot eyes

Slurred speech, giddiness, dizziness

Unusual fatigue

Repeated health complaints

Personality change

Sudden mood changes

Irresponsible behaviour

Irritability

Poor judgement

Depression

General torpor or lack of interest

Argumentative

Withdrawing from the family

Secretiveness

Drop in grades

Absence at school

Truancy

Discipline problems

Changes to less conventional styles in dress and music

Sudden increase or decrease in appetite

Not coming home on time – or calling at the last minute to say they are staying elsewhere (they don’t want to be caught)

Not telling you where they are going

Constant excuses for behaviour