Reginald Hill - A Cure for All Diseases

Or rather the next several episodes – each centred on a man – just so you dont get the impression youve got exclusive rights!

First Teddy – the hunk with the handle – literally! – as I have seen – & you will hear!

Weather was so warm today – I thought Id head for the beach – see if it had improved since the famous trip!

Tom was too busy to join me – thank heaven – I wanted to swim not talk – or rather listen! He said this was the day hed fixed for Mr Godley – the healer – to drive over & take a look at the set-up in Sandytown – & he hoped Id be back in time to meet him – as he knew how it would help with my study – which Im finally making a bit of progress with. Remembering how Godly Gordon took against me first time we met – I dont anticipate much encouragement there – but of course I said I hoped so too.

One other thing Tom said – rather awkwardly for him was – re the meeting at the Avalon – Charlotte – as it is mainly – nay solely – concerned with the alternative therapists – we – that is Lester Feldenhammer & myself – deemed it unnecessary to invite Lady Denham – so – should you chance into her company – it might be diplomatic not to say anything about it! –

Playing with fire there – Tom – I thought. But I was rather flattered to find myself part of a Sandytown conspiracy – so I said – no bother! – & my reward was that big boyish smile.

The kids were off doing their own thing somewhere – so I didnt have to offer to take them – which was a relief. My dip in the hotel pool had whetted my appetite for a real swim – not paddling around in the shallows – keeping an eye on young Parkers.

So off I went – cozzie on under a wrap – towel over my shoulder.

Only a fifteen minute walk down into the village – might take a bit longer coming back up the hill – I thought – but sufficient is the evil – remember?

Met quite a few people who said hello – more than Im likely to meet in Willingden – being Tom Parkers guest gets you on the social register big time!

The beach was pretty crowded. School hols – lots of families – an ice cream van – a burger stall – deck chairs – all the usual stuff for screwing money out of people. I guessed the Hope & Anchor was doing pretty good business too. All in all – Sandytown looks like its booming. Good news for the Consortium – Tom delighted because the prosperity gets shared around – Lady D because she sees her investment paying out big.

Mary – in her oblique way – has made it quite clear that civic responsibility doesnt figure large in Lady Ds world view. Profits the thing. With her own family money – plus the Hollis fortune – she could lounge her life away in luxury. But a lots never enough for the rich. She wants – even more!

Sorry – boring!

But you can wake up now. Im getting close to the beach – & the hunk!

Like I say – it was crowded – so I wandered along to the furthest extreme of the bay – marked by a rocky outcrop running out into the sea from the foot of North Cliff. You could probably get round the end of this at low tide – but now – with the tide well up – tho retreating – it created a bit of a barrier – reinforced by a sign on a steel post driven into the rock which warned – NO PUBLIC ACCESS – PRIVATE BEACH.

This was just the kind of thing the HB would have erected! So naturally I went scrambling up there without a moments hesitation!

From the top of the outcrop – I found myself looking down on to another bay – much smaller than Sandytowns – but also a lot emptier. In fact there were only four people there – & I wasnt too surprised to see they were Lady Denham – Teddy & his sister – & Clara Brereton.

The younger ones were wearing swimming costumes – Clara a polka dot bikini – that showed her boobs & bum to advantage – slender she might be – but even malice couldnt call her skinny. Lovely pale skin – dont know what sunblock she uses but its worth every penny to keep that lovely pearly glow – probably bathes in asses milk every morning. Stopped feeling sorry for her – even if she does have to skivvy for Lady D!

Esther was in a black one piece – revealing she was no frump either – though while Claras charms – asses milk apart – look all natural – I guess Ests are the best money could buy.

Miaow!

Mind – I had to look at her twice – because – sitting at Lady Ds feet – looking up at the old bat – & listening to her with every sign of interest & pleasure – it was hard to recognize the sourpuss Id encountered the previous day – no – once again I was put in mind of the sweaty laughing girl Id seen at the Bengel-bar disco.

Her ladyship was – naturally – enthroned in a canvas directors chair – with the others – naturally – occupying rugs on the sand.

Teddy – yes Im getting to the meat of my tale – was sprawled alongside Clara – almost but not quite touching – looking up at her with what – even at a distance – I recognized as hot bedroom eyes. She was sitting on her haunches – holding her two yards of shapely leg close to her body – as if scared any relaxation would invite an immediate assault on her pudenda – though whether it was concern for her honour – or awareness of Lady Ds proximity – that kept her virtuous – I couldnt tell.

& Teddy the bart? Im happy to say – he isnt one of those prezzies where the wrapping promises more than the gift. Long – lean – as beautifully brown as Clara is gorgeously white – all of his contours muscle – enough hair on his chest to be interesting but well this side of apish – in short – or indeed at length – a dish.

I was going to beat a retreat – but drinking in Teddys delights – objectively! – kept me there longer than I meant – & suddenly Lady Ds beady eyes clocked me.

Theres someone there – she boomed – damn cheek!

They all looked – then Teddy rose to his feet – one movement – like a panther – except they dont stand on the hind legs – do they? – but you know what I mean! He cried out – its Charley! – hey Charley – come on down here & join us! –

Might have made an excuse & left – but I saw Sister Esthers face congeal from dimpling attentiveness to pack-ice mode – & that did it!

– Hi – I said – scrambling down – didnt mean to intrude – but the beach back there is absolutely packed –

Bit of an exaggeration – but without thinking Id pushed the right button for Lady D – to whom bodies on the beach ultimately translates into boodle in the bank – & she said – never mention it – my dear – any friend of Toms is always welcome here –

Clara smiled up at me – while Esther gave me a twitch of a nod – then – unfreezing her face – turned back to Lady D & said – now auntie – you mustnt lose your thread – not when you were telling me the fascinating story of your plans for the estate –

I was trying to work out how to sit close to Teddy – without drawing too much attention to the contrast between my kitchen table legs – & Claras works of art – when he solved the problem by saying – youve obviously come to swim – ready for a dip now? – come on! –

He grabbed my hand & started leading me down the beach.

I said – what about Clara? – & he said – oh shes all right – needs to stick close in case auntie needs her back scratched – or something fetched from the Hall –

I glanced back – & up. The cliff rose steep & bare for about 80 feet – with a zig-zag path marked by a guard rail – & then for the next 40 or 50 feet the incline became easier – with lots of greenery now – till presumably it flattened into the grounds of the Hall. Quite a trip to send someone to fetch the hankie youd forgotten! Dont expect that would worry Lady D though – & to give her her due – it was quite a climb – up & down – for someone her age. Must be fit as a butchers dog – as the HB likes to say!