Reginald Hill - A Cure for All Diseases

Finally Tom got a word in – asking where her luggage was – assuming she would be staying at Kyoto – causing Mary to wince before the polite smile formed – but relief was on its way.

– such was of course my intention – said Di – but as you know I have been ever industrious in singing the praises of Sandytown – Tom – & as you may have noticed – I have been instrumental in persuading a friend of mine – seeking a holiday destination for herself & her teenage neices – to choose Sandytown rather than one of the less salubrious resorts – so I thought I would drop in on her at Seaview Terrace to check that all was as perfect as I had promised –

– & was it? – asked Tom.

– alas no – she said – Unfortunately one of her neices had slipped while scrambling over some rocks on the shore – damaging her leg – not too seriously – but sufficient for her to wish to recuperate at home – & naturally her sibling went with her. I found Sandy – that is my freind – Mrs Griffiths – undecided whether to follow their example – or stay on by herself. Seeing the danger that her early return might start a rumour that Sandytown beach was unsafe – whereas the truth is – as you know Tom – we have some of the least slippery rocks on the east coast – I immediately offered my services – both as co-tenant – & as a conduit into the best circles of the district – both of which offers Mrs Griffiths – that is – Sandy – was delighted to accept. Beleive me – only my sense of responsibility for the good name of Sandytown – & by implication of yourself – Tom – would make me inflict this disappointment on you & Mary –

She looked for applause – which Tom gave her – while Mary managed to murmur something about typical kindness – & all I could think was – unaccountable officiousness!

Tom – full of brotherly concern for her frail constitution – insisted on driving her back down to the Terrace – with me invited along too – I suspect in my capacity of St J Ambulance trained physician – in case the shock of the sea air brought on a seizure!

Sandy Griffiths – even though introduced as a ‘vegan warrior’! – had no outward signs of the kind of dottiness I suspect must be a precondition of chumming up with Deaths Door Di. 40 something – strong handsome face – with a peculiarly disturbing stare – I thought she looked pretty good for someone who presumably existed on sprout fricassees & nut cutlets. She made us v welcome. Tea was produced – camomile for Diana – of course! – Typhoo for the rest of us – plus some v nice cream cakes – which Di thrust aside with shudder – declaring that one bite would be the death of her. All the more for me! I noticed that Sandy G had a nibble too – so not a total vegan! Nor – it seemed to me – a particularly close buddy of Dianas – which made me wonder how shed let herself be manoeuvred into having Di as her live-in guide. Tried some subtle probing – but Sandy G fixed me with her stare – so I backed off. Maybe being called Sandy makes her feel as proprietorial about Sandytown as Diana clearly does!

Tom clearly sees nothing but his sisters good points. He really is a sweetie. I find Im becoming as anxious as Mary that some people might be tempted to take advantage of his good-nature.

2 more excitements – then Im done. I dont want to risk over-stimulating you!

After we left the Terrace – driving back through the town – we saw Franny Roote hauling himself into his car. The ease with which he did it – reaching out to fold up his wheelchair & swing it into the back – suggested long practice – & my heart ached for him. OK – I know what youd say – all that stuff about handicapped people finding expressions of sympathy & offers of assistance patronizing – but I cant help it. Hes a young guy – & hes missing out on so much young guy stuff it breaks me up – so there!

Tom pulled alongside – & called – hello there Franny! – hows things –

– great – he said – giving me a big smile – & how are you – Charlotte?

– fine – I said – nice wheels.

Idiot thing to say – as it was a small boxy MPV – chosen – I guess – because the sliding doors made things easier.

– yes – he said – I dithered between this & the Porsche for a long time –

But he gave me a big grin – to show I hadnt really offended him.

Tom said – you wont forget the planning committee meeting at the Avalon on Friday –

– such excitements – said Fran – the committee on Friday – Lady Ds hog-roast on Sunday – then less than a week to recover before the Festival – be still my foolish heart! –

Tom – who doesnt do irony – said with concern – Fran – is there a problem? –

– no no – grinned Franny – of course Ill be there – Charlotte – will you be staying on for the Bank Holiday weekend & the great Festival of Health? –

– no – Im heading home this Saturday – I said.

Tom looked devastated – tho Id made it clear this was my plan – & Franny winked at me & said – then why not let Tom bring you along on Friday – not to the meeting – wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy – but Lester will be laying on some booze & snacks afterwards. Its the Festival action committee – so all us therapists will be there – great chance to pick their brains for your thesis – & Ill be first in the queue! –

Tom thought this was an excellent idea – & I was rather flattered by Frans keenness to see me again. (OK – I know – Im anybodys for a kind word!) Also I wouldnt mind seeing the inside of the Avalon – so I said – why not? – giving Franny my best smile.

– great – he said – look forward to seeing you then –

– me too – I said – meaning it.

Dont know whats happening to me! Maybe Sandytowns one of those magic places – like Brigadoon or Oz – that you stray into – then get taken over by.

Yes – thats it – definitely a magic place. But what colour magic Im not yet sure!

Write soon before I forget the real world out there!

Lots of love.

Charley xxxx

How do, Mildred!

Don’t recall when I’ve slept for so long if you don’t count being in a coma! Must have needed it ’cos when I woke up this morning I felt more like my old self than any time since I’d been here. Went for my physio session with Tony. Said he were pleased and suggested I finished with a massage. I said no thanks, thinking it were one thing doing knee bends with Tony on hand to steady me if I keeled over, quite another to be lying on my face with my bum in the air while he took a running jump at me!

Then this strapping blonde appeared, lovely smile, said her name was Stiggi and she was sure she could help me, wouldn’t I change my mind? So I did.

It were grand, nice and relaxing. Too relaxing. Suddenly lying there face down with her straddling me back, I realized I were close to embarrassing myself, so when she tried to turn me over, I let on I’d dozed off. She wandered off to do something and I scrambled into my jim jams and dressing gown. Hadn’t got dressed so fast since that time thirty odd years back when I were banging Sergeant Pocklington’s missus and I heard his size fifteens coming up the stairs! All I need now is a bit more red meat on my plate and I’ll soon be ready to make Cap eat her

Hang about. I’m coming … oh, its you.

Hi there, Mr Dalziel! How’re you doing? Hearing good things about you so I thought I’d drop by to check you out for myself…

Oh aye? Well, take a look, lad. What you see is what you get, isn’t that what them ET anoraks say?

IT I think you mean. Yes, they do, but it doesn’t really apply in my line of business any more than I expect it does in yours. We both know there’s no art to read the mind’s construction in the face, right?