Katy Colins - Destination Chile

‘Let me guess…’ He twirled a finger that had a tattoo of a moustache down one side. ‘Georgia…’ I nodded. His clean-shaven face broke into a bigger smile, making him look like a plump version of the Joker. ‘I knew it! And that means you must be…’ He pressed his fingers to his temples and closed his eyes, deep in thought. ‘Ben?’

‘Hi, yep, that’s right,’ Ben said. His voice sounded deeper and more manly than normal, in contrast to the high-pitched, camp dancer who was clapping his hands together like a hyperactive seal as if he’d just guessed which box held the £250,000 on Deal or No Deal .

‘Awesome! Welcome, welcome. My name is Blaise; Rahul has told me SO much about you both!’ He started walking off and nodded his head for us to follow him. We nervously glanced at each other and picked up our pace so as not to get separated. Blaise turned back to me and put a hand up against his mouth and said loudly. ‘By the way, can Rahul, like, be any hotter?’ He wiped his brow and pretended to faint before letting out a bark of a laugh that made me jump.

‘Oh, erm, well…’ I stuttered. Ben hadn’t actually met Rahul yet and I may not have told him just how handsome he was. Of course, I knew that he trusted me, but there was no point rocking the boat by telling him I was having lunch with a buff Indian god. But I hadn’t forgotten to mention whether my stunning friend was an ex, unlike Ben when he went out with Alice , I huffed inside.

Luckily Blaise didn’t go on to drool over Rahul any more and just waved manically at a woman at the other end of the room who was on the phone. This didn’t put him off as he yelled loudly, ‘I’ve got Georgia and Ben here! You know, the jilted bride, and her new man!’

‘Oh, well, that’s not really what the story is,’ I said, feeling my face grow flushed.

Blaise turned to face me with a look of surprise. ‘Ah now, darlin’, that is right isn’t it? Your business all came about because you were dumped before your big day?’

He pronounced that word as if spitting out a wasp’s sting.

I nodded. ‘Yeah, but that’s not why we’re here today.’ I couldn’t bear to look at Ben, knowing how humiliated he must feel that he had just been referred to as my ‘new man’ rather than the invaluable business partner and half the brains behind The Lonely Hearts Travel Club that he really was. I felt for his wounded pride and was determined for Blaise to get this.

‘My past relationship doesn’t have anything to do with why we’re here. Rahul told us that this show is going to focus on our business, so we can share advice with others.’ I tried to say it in my most forceful way, despite Alan Carr’s hyperactive younger twin manically grinning back at me.

Blaise wafted his hands and let out a giggle. ‘Sure! Course. Right, come on. We need to get you both set up. Ben, if you could go with Anna here.’ As if by magic, a glamorous and jaw-droppingly gorgeous woman in a clingy wrap dress, with shiny blonde swishy hair cut into a cute long bob, was by our side. She guided Ben off with one swoop of her clipboard and flick of a tanned wrist. I didn’t get the chance to even say good luck or ask what was happening as Blaise then led me down a corridor and shooed me into a darker but thankfully quieter room.

‘Here we go. Just in here,’ he said, looking at his chunky plastic watch at the same time.

‘Oh… I…’ I stuttered before he winked and shut the door. What the hell was going on?

‘Georgia?’ A man’s voice with a soft Scottish lilt startled me, making me spin round to locate the source. The voice was coming from behind a large, kidney-shaped desk, and hidden behind three ginormous computer screens was a man in his mid-fifties peering down his wiry spectacles at me. His thick beard was peppered with greys, less London hipster and more kindly grandfather, and his lips had curled into a wide smile through this bushy facial hair. ‘Come and take a seat.’

He wafted his hand at the two sofas and got up to sit on one himself. ‘I take it you’ve been offered a cup of tea?’

I shook my head and stayed planted in the same position. He sighed and rolled his eyes heavenwards. ‘I am sorry about that. Those kids out there have lost the art of good manners. Unless it comes with a whizzy app or a hashtag, they’re not interested.’ He shook his head at the youth of today and picked up a phone on the cluttered desk.

I smiled, starting to warm to this man who looked like a funky Father Christmas in his checked shirt and Levi’s.

‘Hello, Dana, can we get a cup of…’ He glanced up at me to get my order.

‘Tea please. No sugar,’ I said, finally finding my voice.

‘Make that two cups of tea, no sugar. Thanks.’ He replaced his phone and pointed to the sofas again. ‘Please take a seat as we wait for our drinks. You can take your coat off if you like; it’s bitter outside today, isn’t it? Although, thank goodness that snow didn’t last as long as everyone was expecting it to. Oh, I don’t think I’ve introduced myself! My name’s Jerry, by the way.’ He stretched out a thick, rough palm. His hands looked like they’d actually been used to a day’s hard work, unlike the soft, pudgy palms of Blaise.

‘Hi. Georgia. Nice to meet you. Sorry if I seem a little lost, I’ve never been to a TV studio before and I didn’t really have any idea of what one would be like,’ I admitted, awkwardly shrugging off my coat.

Jerry laughed, reminding me of Rahul. I could see the two of them working together. ‘Oh well then, let me welcome you to the head office of See Me TV. Out in the cattle yard, as I like to call it, is where you’ve got PR, marketing, sales, web design and all these jobs that go over my head. I’ve been working in TV for the past thirty years and back then it was nothing like this performance it seems today.’ He rubbed his beard and sighed. ‘But things change.’ A knock at the door made him pause as he gratefully took two steaming mugs of tea from a woman wearing a thick fluffy jumper that had dog paw prints embroidered over each large breast. ‘Thanks, Dana.’

Dana blushed and dipped her head before scurrying out into the corridor.

‘So, Georgia, I’m one of the producers here and we thought it would be great if you and I got to know one another a little better. Today is about you and Ben, and informing you both about the premise of the show, and why we’d love for you to be involved. I spoke to Rahul who said he’d filled you in on some of the details but I wanted to make sure that you’re comfortable with everything before you sign up.’ Jerry passed me a cuppa and grabbed a notepad. ‘To really make sure you’re both happy we prefer to interview potential guests separately – that’s why Ben was also whisked off. He’ll join us shortly.’

I gave a hesitant nod; this was the one time when I could have really done with having Ben by my side. Don’t be such a baby. Where’s that fearless traveller gone? I berated myself.

‘Is Rahul about today?’ I asked, blowing on the steam of my cup of tea.

Jerry shook his head. ‘No, he won’t actually be working on this series. He’s going to be away filming something else. He just acted as matchmaker.’

My face must have given away how disappointed I felt. I really got on with Rahul, and as charming as Jerry seemed to be, I had hoped that my first foray into the world of television would be with the support of people I already knew and trusted. I felt like I needed some hand-holding especially after the last time I was on camera in India it caused me so much trouble.

‘Oh, okay.’ I paused. ‘Erm, Rahul also said that maybe we could meet the other guests?’

Jerry shook his head sadly. ‘Ah, well, until contracts have been signed I can’t reveal who you’ll be travelling with. But I can tell you that I’m sure you will have six new friends by the end of it all.’ He smiled at me.