Jennifer Joyce - The Mince Pie Mix-Up

‘I wish I could live your life. I’d happily swap lives with you.’

It might be the season to be jolly but for Calvin and Judy the usual festive bickering has already begun! Judy’s convinced that her husband has it easy – no glittery wrapping paper, no playground gossip and absolutely no Christmas baking.

Calvin wishes he could trade in his obnoxious boss and dull nine-to-five job to spend more time kicking back with his kids – how hard can Judy’s life really be?

But after a magical mince pie mix-up, one thing’s for certain – by Christmas Day, life for Judy and Calvin will never be the same again. Perhaps the grass isn’t always greener after all…

A hilarious, feel-good festive read, perfect to curl up with this Christmas. Fans of Carole Matthews, Jane Costello and Mandy Baggot will love this story!

The Mince Pie Mix-Up

Jennifer Joyce

Copyright

HQ

An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2015

Copyright © Jennifer Joyce 2015

Jennifer Joyce asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

E-book Edition © June 2015 ISBN: 9781474045896

Version date: 2018-07-23

JENNIFER JOYCE

is a writer of romantic comedies. She's been scribbling down bits of stories for as long as she can remember, graduating from a pen to a typewriter and then an electronic typewriter. And she felt like the bee's knees typing on THAT. She now writes her books on a laptop (which has a proper delete button and everything). Jennifer lives in Oldham, Greater Manchester with her husband Chris and their two daughters, Rianne and Isobel, plus their bunnies Cinnamon and Leah and Jack Russell Luna. When she isn’t writing, Jennifer likes to make things – she’ll use any excuse to get her craft box out! She spends far too much time on Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram. You can find out more about Jennifer on her blog at jenniferjoycewrites.co.uk, on Twitter at @writer_jenn and on Facebook at facebook.com/jenniferjoycewrites

A great big thank you to my family for their support and encouragement. I’ll always be grateful that none of you have laughed in my face at my attempts to write. At least not to my face, which is good enough for me. Extra special thanks to Chris, Rianne and Isobel for not minding when I hole myself away at my desk – though I suspect you quite enjoy the peace.

Thank you to all the wonderful book fiends on Twitter, who make procrastinating all the more alluring. Also, massive thanks to Team Novelicious, who make being a book nerd so much fun.

Finally, thank you to Clio Cornish and all at HQ Digital UK, especially my editor Charlotte Mursell, who pushed me to make The Mince Pie Mix-Up the better book it is today.

For Chris, Rianne and Isobel, with love at Christmas and always

Contents

Cover

Blurb

Title Page

Copyright

Author Bio

Acknowledgements

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Epilogue

Endpages

About the Publisher

Chapter One: Mince Pies at Dawn

A dozen pastry stars. Two lunch boxes. No, one lunch box – where was the other? Dog lead. Second batch of mince pies out of the oven. Quick, get the pastry stars on top of the third batch. Where is that lunch box? And why are there only ten pastry stars? Pastry cutter, pastry cutter, aha! Two more pastry stars, now plonked on top of mince pie cases. Mince pies in the oven. Woof. One minute, Miller. Where is that bloody lunch box?

‘Scott? Charlie? Are you out of bed yet?’

Lunch box, lunch box. Where could it be? Woof.

‘I’m so sorry, Miller. I promise I’ll take you out in two ticks. Scott! Charlie!’

Judy leapt around the kitchen, popping hot mince pies onto cooling racks while searching for the missing lunch box. It had been there only moments ago, sitting on the counter with the other one, she was sure. She’d only packed them a few minutes ago, just before she rolled out the pastry for the stars.

‘Aha!’ Lunch box. Half-buried beneath a blanket of flour. Judy blew the flour away and shoved the lunch box on top of its brother. ‘Scott! Charlie! ’

‘All right, all right. We can hear you, you know.’ Scott, Judy’s thirteen-year-old son, wandered into the kitchen, his hair sticking up in comical black tufts, his eyes prised half-open in an attempt at being awake. ‘What’s for breakfast?’

‘Whatever you make yourself. I need to take Miller out for a walk.’ The dog’s ears pricked up, eyeing his dog lead hopefully. It was sitting on the table, where it had been abandoned in favour of mince pies. Miller didn’t dare hope that he’d finally get to leave the house and empty his bladder.

‘Can you get something for Charlie?’ Judy grabbed the lead and Miller jumped out of his basket where he’d been sulking all morning, his claws clattering on the lino as he circled his owner’s legs. ‘And tell your dad to keep an eye on the mince pies. They need to come out in ten to fifteen minutes if I’m not back. Scott, did you hear me?’

‘What?’ Scott turned from the cupboard where he had been observing the cereal boxes. Frosties or Coco Pops?

‘The mince pies.’ Judy struggled to clip the lead onto Miller’s collar as he danced around her ankles. ‘They need to come out of the oven in ten to fifteen minutes. When they’re golden. Tell your dad.’

‘Mmm.’ Scott turned back to the cupboard and grabbed the Frosties.

‘Don’t forget Charlie.’ Judy had finally managed to tether the dog but paused on the kitchen’s threshold. ‘Cereal or toast for Charlie. Do not feed her mince pies for breakfast. Again.’ Miller tugged Judy towards the front door. He would not be teased like this. He either peed outside against a tree or he made a puddle on the floor, which was humiliating for Miller and infuriating for his owner.

‘Have you seen my tie?’ Judy’s husband was halfway down the stairs, his shirt open at the neck. ‘The grey one with the white stripes?’

‘I think it’s in the bathroom, on top of the drawers.’ It certainly wasn’t hung on the rack in the wardrobe where it should be, Judy thought as she grabbed her coat and shoved her arms through the sleeves. ‘Is Charlie out of bed yet? Can you make sure she gets up and has breakfast? No mince pies this time. Speaking of which, can you take them out of the oven in ten to fifteen minutes if I’m not back? Once they’re golden?’