Jennifer Joyce - The Mince Pie Mix-Up

‘I’ll see you in the morning.’ Sarah paused by Calvin’s desk and lowered her voice. ‘And thanks for not landing me in it. I thought I’d booked that photo shoot weeks ago.’

‘Don’t worry about it. It was a mistake.’ Calvin thought of the blackened mince pies from that morning. ‘We all make them.’

With his computer shut down for the evening, Calvin made his way down to the car park and climbed into his car. He had an hour’s commute from B&R Marketing’s city centre office to his home in Hartfield Hill. He knew how much Judy loved the village but it was a pain in the artificial Christmas tree (Calvin must stop doing that now) getting to and from work during rush hour. It was half past six by the time he pulled up outside the house, the evening already well and truly underway. Judy and the children would have already eaten, meaning he’d have to sit in the kitchen by himself yet again. Calvin opened the oven but it was empty. Probably punishment for the mince pies, which were still sitting accusingly on the side – he was evidently not out of the doghouse then. Never mind. He wasn’t that hungry anyway. He’d grab something later.

‘Where have you been?’ Judy was sitting on the bed when Calvin went upstairs to change, her face twisted and strangely resembling that of Perry’s earlier. Great. Just what Calvin needed. He’d already had a bollocking from his boss – he didn’t need another from his wife.

‘I’ve been at work. Where do you think?’ Calvin opened the wardrobe and pulled out a pair of jeans and a hooded top.

‘You’re late.’

‘I know.’ It was all right for Judy. She only worked a few streets away. If she ran, she could be home from work in two minutes. Not everybody had it so easy. ‘Traffic was terrible. It always is at this time of year.’

‘And you really couldn’t have got here any earlier?’

Calvin held in a sigh. No, he really couldn’t have unless he had the ability to sprout wings and fly home. Which he didn’t. ‘Is this about the mince pies? I said sorry.’

‘You didn’t, actually,’ Judy muttered. Calvin chose not to hear and instead changed out of his work clothes (which Judy snatched off the floor where they fell before dumping them forcefully into the laundry basket) and into more comfortable attire. Sometimes it felt like he was wearing a noose to work instead of a tie.

‘I’m sorry, okay? About the mince pies and being late and everything.’ Over the years, Calvin had come to the realisation that it was easier to apologise, even for the things out of his control. ‘I’ll see you later. I won’t be late.’ He stooped to kiss Judy goodbye but she put out a hand to stop him.

‘Where do you think you’re going?’

‘To the pub.’ It was Friday. He always went to the pub with the lads on a Friday to unwind after a stressful week at the office. It was the only thing that got him through the week at times.

‘But we’re going to my parents’.’ Judy folded her arms across her chest, her eyebrows raising a fraction in challenge. ‘It’s been planned for weeks. It’s the last chance we’ll get to see them before Christmas. They’re spending Christmas and New Year with my sister.’

‘Your sister only lives down the road from your mum and dad.’

Judy’s eyebrows rose further, no longer a challenge but a threat. ‘She moved to Edinburgh. Eight months ago.’

Yes, Calvin remembered now. They’d helped pack up the house and Judy had cried for a week.

‘I forgot.’

‘You forget a lot of things.’ Judy let that statement hang in the air for a moment before she continued. ‘Anyway, we planned to go to Mum and Dad’s tonight. It’s been on the calendar for weeks and they’re expecting us.’ They’d been expecting them over an hour ago but Judy forced her lips to close tight. For a millisecond. ‘You promised to be home early so we could go.’

‘But it’s Friday night. It’s the only night out I get.’

Judy threw back her head and barked with laughter. ‘Are you taking the piper’s piping?’ Calvin really couldn’t help replacing the obscenities. It had become a habit. ‘You go out on Monday and Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings!’

‘But that’s to play pool and football.’ He couldn’t let his teams down, could he? ‘Friday night is the only chance I get to relax.’

Judy looked at him. She looked at him some more. Too angry to speak, she stalked out of the room.

‘Does this mean I still have to go tonight?’ Calvin called after her.

‘YES!’

Chapter Three: Two Parents A-Rowing and a Partridge in a Pear Tree

Judy and Calvin thought it was best if they didn’t communicate for a while, so the journey to Judy’s parents’ was strained as they each did their best to ignore the other. Calvin turned away from his wife as best he could while confined to the passenger seat of the car and tethered to his seat by his belt, staring out of his window while Judy put on her very best everything-is-fine-kids voice as she chatted away to them. Not that the children noticed the tension between their parents. Scott was engrossed with his phone while Charlie was chattering away non-stop about the importance of shepherds.

‘What do you think, Daddy?’

‘About what?’ Calvin dragged his gaze away from the window and looked at his daughter through the gap between the seats.

‘About shepherds.’

‘Oh.’ Calvin shifted into a more comfortable position. ‘It must be a pretty boring job, mustn’t it? And cold and wet. Who would want to be stuck out in a field all day with nothing but sheep for company? It’s a rubbish job if you ask me.’

‘Da-ad!’ Charlie’s bottom lip started to tremble and her brown eyes pooled with tears.

‘Charlie is playing a shepherd in the school nativity next week,’ Judy hissed.

Oh, candy canes. ‘I was only kidding, Charlie-Chalk.’ Calvin laughed, to show what a silly, jovial mood he was in. ‘Being a shepherd is one of the most important jobs there is. What would we do without shepherds? There’d be sheep running around everywhere, wouldn’t there?’

Charlie nodded, eyes dry again. ‘And they’d poop everywhere, wouldn’t they, Daddy?’

‘ Everywhere . Imagine the smell.’

Charlie giggled, her father completely forgiven for his mishap.

‘You did book the time off work, didn’t you?’ Judy asked, ruining the mood. ‘It’s been on the calendar since last month.’

‘Yes, yes, of course I’ve booked the time off work.’ How could Calvin forget when Judy had been chewing his ear off about it for weeks? He turned back towards the window, spending the rest of the journey counting fairy light-framed windows and lit-up Santas along the way.

‘I’m so sorry we’re late.’ Judy hugged her mother when they arrived, trying to convey through body language alone that it was all Calvin’s fault. ‘I hope tea isn’t ruined.’

‘Of course not. No harm done.’ Susan led the family straight through to the dining room where everybody squeezed around the table. ‘I’ve made an early Christmas dinner with all the trimmings. I know it’s not the same as spending the actual day together but it’s the next best thing. I’ve even bought crackers!’

‘Mum says you and Grandpa can’t come to my nativity play.’ Charlie’s wobbly lip was back as she spoke to her grandmother.

‘I’m so sorry, darling.’ Susan stroked Charlie’s curly brown hair, tucking a strand behind her ear. ‘We’ll be away. But maybe your daddy can film it and we can all watch it together when we get back in the New Year. Would you like that?’

‘Can we have popcorn?’

‘Of course.’

‘And ice cream?’

‘Don’t push it,’ Judy said and Charlie reluctantly backed down, fearful that she’d lose the popcorn she’d already bagged if she persisted. ‘Do you need a hand with anything, Mum?’