Jennifer Joyce - The Mince Pie Mix-Up

‘Yeah, sure.’ Calvin had already turned his back on Judy and was hopping back up the stairs to retrieve his tie. Judy finally opened the front door and Miller tugged her out into the cold December morning. The sky was still a deep navy, the village vaguely lit by street lights and the odd amber glow from the windows of early risers. The windscreens of the cars sparkled under a layer of frost and the grass was stiff and crunchy underfoot. Judy allowed Miller to set the pace – which was rather rapid due to his full bladder and the sight of his favourite tree. Once Miller had relieved himself, his pace dropped to a gentle trot as they made their way along the canal, following their usual route along the towpath until they reached the school’s playing fields and turned onto the public footpath. The path was little more than a dirt track that filled Judy’s shoes with mud. She should have changed into her wellies, really, but she’d been in a bit of a rush. They walked along to the high street, which was still asleep, and followed it down until they came full circle onto their road. She waved to their neighbour, who was busy scraping frost from his car, his teeth chattering at an alarming rate. The sky had lightened by now but it was still bitterly cold so Judy was glad of the warmth as she stepped into the house and removed her coat.

‘I’m back!’ Judy unclipped Miller’s lead and hooked it onto the coat stand. She hoped Scott and Charlie had eaten and were at least part-way dressed by now. The kitchen was silent, which was a good sign. She didn’t even mind seeing the dishes piled up on the side as it was at least evidence that her children had been fed.

‘My tie wasn’t in the bathroom.’ Calvin’s tone was almost accusatory as he joined Judy in the kitchen. He was wearing a lime green tie as he clearly hadn’t managed to locate the grey one.

‘Then I have no idea where –’ Judy paused mid-sentence, her nostrils flaring as she picked up the faint whiff of smoke. Her eyes scanned the kitchen. The mince pies! Flying towards the oven, Judy wrenched open the door, stepping back as a mixture of smoke and steam billowed out, clearing to reveal her mince pies – decidedly the wrong side of golden brown! The smoke alarm kicked into action, screeching despite Judy’s oven-glove-wafting in the air.

‘I asked you to check on them. Why didn’t you take them out of the oven?’ She shoved her hand into the oven glove so roughly, her fingers almost poked out of the other side. The mince pies were yanked out of their incinerator and the tray dumped on the worktop. There really was no way of salvaging them. She’d hesitate to serve them to her own family, never mind the paying public.

‘I thought they were already out of the oven.’ Calvin pointed at the batches cooling on the side. ‘How was I to know there were more in the oven?’

Judy closed her eyes. How to answer that ridiculous question without causing offence? ‘Because I asked you to take them out of the oven?’ That should have been her husband’s first clue. ‘Or how about the smell of burning?’

‘I couldn’t smell it, could I?’ Calvin wasn’t completely stupid. Had he actually been in the presence of the burning pies, Calvin was certain he’d have twigged that there was another batch awaiting his assistance. As it happened, he was detained elsewhere. ‘I was upstairs looking for my tie.’

Judy stared at her husband. He stared back. Neither was willing to back down, both believing wholeheartedly that they were in the right. In the end, Judy decided against saying what was on her mind – which would have caused offence – and instead turned her attention back to the mince pies.

‘Can you sort that out?’ She jabbed a finger at the still screeching smoke detector as she surveyed the singed pies before her. Did she have time to make a fresh batch? Not a chance. Instead, she pushed the tray to the back of the work surface – they were too hot to bin straightaway – cleared away the debris of the morning’s baking and hurried the children along. Calvin left for work somewhere along the way but Judy didn’t bother to say goodbye. She was too annoyed and too frantic getting everybody ready to leave the house on time.

‘Have you got everything?’ With the two batches of mince pies packed away in boxes and stacked in her arms, Judy herded the children out of the door while going through her usual checklist. ‘Homework? Lunch? PE kit? Do you have that consent form I signed for the school? Have you got your reading book?’

With an affirmative for all of the above, Judy and the children set off through the village, Scott towards the bus stop while Judy and Charlie made their way towards the village green. Judy heard the rumble of the bus in the distance and hoped her son had managed to catch it in time. The last thing she needed was another ticking off from Scott’s head teacher. She and Mr Peebles had already had words over her son’s apparent lack of ‘educational motivation’. What Steve Peebles didn’t seem to grasp was that Scott was motivated by little other than sports and his band. She’d been tempted to invite Peebles over to take a peek at her son’s bedroom and see just how motivated he was to put his laundry in the basket or open his curtains once in a while. Instead, she’d taken the criticism on the chin and set about motivating her son via threats of taking away his football and band privileges.

Charlie skipped alongside her mother as they made their way through the village. The sky had lightened considerably by now but there was still a bleakness in the air. Still, the sight of Christmas trees in the windows and wreaths adorning the doors helped to inject a bit of cheer into the village. If Judy didn’t have a festive to-do list as long as the fairy lights wrapped around her tree at home, she’d be able to relax and enjoy the season.

The Green Teapot sat on the edge of the village green and was already open for business, catering to those in need of a good cup of tea to kick-start the bitter morning. Christmas music was playing softly in the background as Judy and Charlie stepped inside, with Bing Crosby crooning about chestnuts roasting on an open fire. It was warm in the tea room and the air was filled with the smell of cinnamon and freshly baked bread.

Judy placed the batches of edible mince pies on the counter, apologising profusely about their meagre numbers. ‘It’s been a bit of a nightmare morning.’ Judy didn’t mention her husband’s incompetence. ‘But I promise I’ll make some more during my shift.’

Judy worked as a waitress at the tea room, as well as baking at home to earn a bit of extra cash. She’d have to squeeze some baking in between her usual duties. Somehow.

‘Don’t worry about it.’ Enid, owner of the Green Teapot and Judy’s boss, gave a wave of her hand. ‘We’ll sort something out.’

Judy knew she was incredibly lucky to have such an understanding boss. Leaving the surviving mince pies in Enid’s capable hands, Judy and Charlie returned to the cold and hurried through the village to the primary school. A rainbow of colours greeted them as children tucked up in hats, coats and gloves whizzed by with insatiable energy and Charlie eagerly joined them, seeking out her friends easily despite them being covered almost head to toe in winter gear.

‘I wish I had this much energy first thing in the morning.’ Laura, Judy’s friend and fellow parent joined her, blowing on her cold fingers to warm them up. She and Judy had met ten years ago, when their boys both started at the village nursery, and now Charlie and Laura’s youngest son were in the same class.

‘I want to curl up and go back to sleep.’ Judy had been up since dawn to fit in her baking before the school run, creeping around the kitchen so as not to wake her family.