Carmen María Montiel - Stolen Identity

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Like most women, I was unaware that I was a victim of domestic violence. My husband had managed to diminish me through years of psychological and physical abuse and even through the use of drugs. However, despite being almost destroyed, I managed to rebuild my dignity and demonstrate my innocence. I loved my husband. I never imagined that he could harm me or that he would end up trying to destroy me. Nor did I think, when he started hurting me, that this could be intentional, since all the aggressors blame their victims. In my case, the victimization was so effective that, after each assault, I would recreate the incident to see what I had done to make my husband react in this way.
This is my story, that of a battered and immigrant woman who found no way to escape or hide; A Catholic who believes in family and who fought to keep it for the good of her children. However, in the end, and precisely for them, she was forced to leave that vicious marriage to save herself and them.
Carmen Maria Montiel

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“Carmen, this will teach you a lesson,” he said. “You really need a lesson. After all, you were not properly raised.”

And who is he to know how a properly raised person behaves when he had no family and was raised in a mall?

“I did nothing, Alejandro. You called the police and said I was driving drunk, something I do not understand. I only remember having one drink and then I was totally drunk. How did that happen? Not only that, you accused me of hitting you, when I escaped from you; I escaped from your attack.”

“Carmen, do this. You have no other choice. Just follow the rules.”

Somehow, he had a look of happiness on his face.

After that, I could never tell him anything. Every time I said something that bothered him, he would answer, “Well, sweetie, do you want me to call the District Attorney in Colorado?” especially when we were in Colorado. One day, we were having a fight and he said that. We were in Colorado with my son, just the three of us. I found out he was texting with one of his girlfriends and told him about it.

He started to scream: “Definitely you do not learn. I am calling the police now and having you locked up.”

My son was only six years old. He came to hug and kiss me. “ Mami , this is in case you go!” he said.

I started to cry and hug my baby. How did my family end up like this?

I called the police in Houston on three more occasions when he hit me and bit me or dragged me by my hair, like he did in a restaurant parking lot earlier that December. That day, a bystander, a US Air Force Colonel who later became a General, saw him in action. This investigation was what made him determined to stop it, and that is how Christmas Eve happened.

On those occasions I had evidence of his attacks. Once I had fresh teeth marks on my shoulder, hand and breast. Twice the Houston police were ready to arrest him, but he told them I had problems in Colorado.

That was it! They took us both in, and my hand got infected in jail. The doctor there could not understand why I was arrested when I had visible attack marks—just like that officer in Houston could not believe I was accused of a federal crime for what could be, if anything, a contempt of court charge. I was never able to prove he was attacking me until July 2013.

Alejandro always said: “The power that being a doctor gives you!” He knew it and used it.

I decided to start taking pictures of my bruises and scars as evidence, sending them to my best friend in Venezuela for safekeeping. I was worried that Alejandro would find out and destroy them. I lived in fear that something fatal would happen to me and told Gustavo to please keep the photos safe just in case.

Gustavo was desperate. My best friend since we were kids, he was helping me find a way to get out of this abusive relationship. But he knew that if I was in Venezuela the outcome could be worse.

It was not until the next fall that I realized Alejandro had been putting drugs in my drinks. And after we separated, I found out that all the medications he had given me for my asthma or colds were for mental problems. He had me on an emotional roller coaster.

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