William Shakespeare - The Complete Works of William Shakespeare

ORLANDO

If this be so, why blame you me to love you?

ROSALIND

Why do you speak too,—“Why blame you me to love you?”

ORLANDO

To her that is not here, nor doth not hear.

ROSALIND

Pray you, no more of this; ‘tis like the howling of Irish wolves against the moon.—

[to SILVIUS] I will help you if I can;—

[to PHEBE] I would love you if I could.—

Tomorrow meet me all together.—

[to PHEBE] I will marry you if ever I marry woman, and I’ll be married tomorrow:—

[to ORLANDO] I will satisfy you if ever I satisfied man, and you shall be married tomorrow:—

[to SILVIUS] I will content you if what pleases you contents you, and you shall be married tomorrow.

[to ORLANDO] As you love Rosalind, meet.

[to SILVIUS] As you love Phebe, meet;—

and as I love no woman, I’ll meet.—So, fare you well; I have left you commands.

SILVIUS

I’ll not fail, if I live.

PHEBE

Nor I.

ORLANDO

Nor I.

[Exeunt.]

SCENE III. Another part of the Forest

[Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY.]

TOUCHSTONE

Tomorrow is the joyful day, Audrey; tomorrow will we be married.

AUDREY

I do desire it with all my heart; and I hope it is no dishonest desire to desire to be a woman of the world. Here come two of the banished duke’s pages.

[Enter two Pages.]

FIRST PAGE

Well met, honest gentleman.

TOUCHSTONE

By my troth, well met. Come sit, sit, and a song.

SECOND PAGE

We are for you: sit i’ the middle.

FIRST PAGE

Shall we clap into’t roundly, without hawking, or spitting, or saying we are hoarse, which are the only prologues to a bad voice?

SECOND PAGE

I’faith, i’faith; and both in a tune, like two gipsies on a horse.

SONG

I.

It was a lover and his lass,

With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,

That o’er the green corn-field did pass

In the spring time, the only pretty ring time,

When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding:

Sweet lovers love the spring.

II.

Between the acres of the rye,

With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,

These pretty country folks would lie,

In the spring time, the only pretty ring time,

When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding:

Sweet lovers love the spring.

III.

This carol they began that hour,

With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,

How that a life was but a flower,

In the spring time, the only pretty ring time,

When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding:

Sweet lovers love the spring.

IV.

And therefore take the present time,

With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino,

For love is crownèd with the prime,

In the spring time, the only pretty ring time,

When birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding:

Sweet lovers love the spring.

TOUCHSTONE

Truly, young gentlemen, though there was no great matter in the ditty, yet the note was very untimeable.

FIRST PAGE

You are deceived, sir; we kept time, we lost not our time.

TOUCHSTONE

By my troth, yes; I count it but time lost to hear such a foolish song. God be with you; and God mend your voices! Come, Audrey.

[Exeunt.]

SCENE IV. Another part of the Forest

[Enter DUKE Senior, AMIENS, JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER, and CELIA.]

DUKE SENIOR

Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy

Can do all this that he hath promised?

ORLANDO

I sometimes do believe and sometimes do not:

As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.

[Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE.]

ROSALIND

Patience once more, whiles our compact is urg’d:—

[To the Duke.]

You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,

You will bestow her on Orlando here?

DUKE SENIOR

That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.

ROSALIND

[To Orlando.] And you say you will have her when I bring her?

ORLANDO

That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.

ROSALIND

[To Phebe.] You say you’ll marry me, if I be willing?

PHEBE

That will I, should I die the hour after.

ROSALIND

But if you do refuse to marry me,

You’ll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?

PHEBE

So is the bargain.

ROSALIND

[To Silvius.] You say that you’ll have Phebe, if she will?

SILVIUS

Though to have her and death were both one thing.

ROSALIND

I have promis’d to make all this matter even.

Keep you your word, O duke, to give your daughter;—

You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter;—

Keep your word, Phebe, that you’ll marry me;

Or else, refusing me, to wed this shepherd:—

Keep your word, Silvius, that you’ll marry her

If she refuse me:—and from hence I go,

To make these doubts all even.

[Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA.]

DUKE SENIOR

I do remember in this shepherd-boy

Some lively touches of my daughter’s favour.

ORLANDO

My lord, the first time that I ever saw him

Methought he was a brother to your daughter:

But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,

And hath been tutor’d in the rudiments

Of many desperate studies by his uncle,

Whom he reports to be a great magician,

Obscurèd in the circle of this forest.

JAQUES

There is, sure, another flood toward, and these couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of very strange beasts which in all tongues are called fools.

[Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY.]

TOUCHSTONE

Salutation and greeting to you all!

JAQUES

Good my lord, bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded gentleman that I have so often met in the forest: he hath been a courtier, he swears.

TOUCHSTONE

If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.

JAQUES

And how was that ta’en up?

TOUCHSTONE

Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.

JAQUES

How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this fellow?

DUKE SENIOR

I like him very well.

TOUCHSTONE

God ‘ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear and to forswear; according as marriage binds and blood breaks:—A poor virgin, sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will; rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor-house; as your pearl in your foul oyster.

DUKE SENIOR

By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.

TOUCHSTONE

According to the fool’s bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.

JAQUES

But, for the seventh cause; how did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause?

TOUCHSTONE

Upon a lie seven times removed;—bear your body more seeming, Audrey:—as thus, sir, I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier’s beard; he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was: this is called the Retort courteous. If I sent him word again it was not well cut, he would send me word he cut it to please himself: this is called the Quip modest. If again, it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment: this is called the Reply churlish. If again, it was not well cut, he would answer I spake not true: this is called the Reproof valiant. If again, it was not well cut, he would say I lie: this is called the Countercheck quarrelsome: and so, to the Lie circumstantial, and the Lie direct.

JAQUES

And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?

TOUCHSTONE

I durst go no further than the Lie circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie direct; and so we measured swords and parted.