Michael S. Erwin - Leadership is a Relationship

—ELISABETH HASSELBECK, Emmy-winning broadcasterand New York Times bestselling author

“This book offers accessible ideas and effective methods for anyone looking to grow as a leader. Mike and Willys share real-life examples to help underscore the benefits of relationship-based leadership in your work—and life. Leadership Is a Relationship can help you cut through the noise of navigating an increasingly challenging digital world and instead focus on the strength of your connection to others.”

—HARPREET RAI, CEO of Oura Health

“This excellent book reinforces what I believe to be the most crucial senior leader skill: building and developing relationships. As a four-star combatant commander, this is where I spent the vast majority of my time and how I principally contributed to our mission. A must-read for all leaders, and especially those with large, diverse organizations where you depend on others for success.”

—JOSEPH VOTEL, Retired Four-Star U.S. Army General and former Commander of U.S. Central Command and U.S. Special Operation Command

“This book serves as a powerful guide on how to become an effective leader by building authentic relationships with others. Our business has always placed an emphasis on family, employees, community, and connection. Leadership Is a Relationship provides impactful strategies and tactics that will help any business continue to foster growth for future generations.”

—JENNIFER YUENGLING, vice president of operations at Yuengling and sixth-generation brewer

MICHAEL S. ERWIN | WILLYS DEVOLL

Copyright © 2022 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.

Published simultaneously in Canada.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Erwin, Michael S., author. | DeVoll, Willys, author.

Title: Leadership is a relationship : how to put people first in the digital world / Michael S. Erwin, Willys DeVoll.

Description: Hoboken, New Jersey : John Wiley & Sons, Inc., [2022] | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021043986 (print) | LCCN 2021043987 (ebook) | ISBN 9781119806134 (cloth) | ISBN 9781119806141 (adobe pdf) | ISBN 9781119806158 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Leadership. | Interpersonal relations. | Organizational behavior.

Classification: LCC HD57.7 .K4773 2022 (print) | LCC HD57.7 (ebook) | DDC 658.4/092—dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021043986

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021043987

Cover Design: Paul McCarthy

For everyone who puts people first

This is a book of stories. Let's start with one of yours.

Remember the last time you went out to dinner with someone, whether it was a single companion or a rollicking party of old friends. You sat down at the table, and then what happened? Humor us for a moment: close your eyes and recall that scene as vividly as you can. Try to imagine every little detail, from what you ordered to the decor of the restaurant to the clothes that your fellow diners wore.

Once you've got that picture, think about how you all engaged with each other. What was the conversation like? How much of your attention did you give to your companions? Did someone pull out their phone and place it on the table? (Maybe that someone was you. Don't worry—this is a safe space.) Did anyone glance down at a smartwatch during the meal, checking something that clearly wasn't the time? Did a member of your party look up from their lap and say, without any context, “Oh my goodness, you have to see this,” before showing you a video of a squirrel riding a remote-control car? Did someone forget what the rest of you were talking about because they were busy watching muted sports highlights on the TV over the bar?

Maybe your meal didn't include any of these scenes. It might have been an elegant combination of good food, good company, and good conversation, all uninterrupted by outside distractions. For many, many people in the developed world, that wouldn't have been the case. The siren song of phone-sized distractions proves so attractive, so irresistible, and so ostensibly harmless that we as a culture have largely accepted such interludes into our time with others. Even if it isn't in particularly good taste, the occasional phone-check during a dinner out is now thoroughly unremarkable. “Everyone” does it.

Who can blame us? Digital distractions are really, really appealing. They give us a little hit of satisfaction, and it's hard not to indulge ourselves. They often claim to give us information that's time-sensitive and important. 1 They're (mostly) socially acceptable, too. And because they're both seductive and accepted in social situations, digital distractions are a large and growing presence in our interactions with other people.