Michel Houellebecq - Interventions 2020

A pilgrimage, combining the advantages of the student demonstration and the Nouvelles Frontières trip, 1all in an atmosphere of spirituality aggravated by fatigue, also offers ideal conditions for flirting, which becomes almost involuntary, and even sincere. A lofty hypothesis for the end of a pilgrimage: marriage plus conversion. On the other hand, the come-down can be terrible. Plan to follow up with a UCPA ‘boardsports’ stay, 2which you’ll always have time to cancel (find out beforehand about the cancellation conditions).

In short, all you need do is plan to have fun; that way, you can be sure you’ll get bored. The ideal would therefore be to forgo parties altogether. Unfortunately, the party animal is such a respected figure that this renunciation means your social image takes a real tumble. The following few tips should help you avoid the worst (namely remaining alone to the bitter end, in a state of boredom that turns into despair, under the mistaken impression that others are having fun).

– Be aware beforehand that the party will inevitably be a failure. Visualize examples of previous failures. You don’t really have to adopt a cynical and jaded attitude. On the contrary, the humble and smiling acceptance of the common disaster makes it possible to achieve this success: to transform a failed party into a moment of pleasant banality.

– Always plan to come home alone, by taxi.

– Before the party: drink. Alcohol in moderate doses produces a socializing and euphoric effect that has no real competition.

– During the party: drink, but reduce the doses (the cocktail of alcohol plus ambient eroticism quickly leads to violence, suicide and murder). It’s a smart idea to take half a Lexomil at the right time. 3As alcohol multiplies the effect of tranquillizers, you’ll soon find you’re dozing off – now’s the time to call a taxi. A good party is a brief party.

– After the party: call the hosts to thank them. Peacefully wait for the next party (leave it for a month, or just a week during the holiday period).

Finally, a consoling perspective: with age, the obligation to go to parties decreases, the inclination towards solitude increases; real life takes over.

1 1. The French travel company Nouvelles Frontières, founded in 1967, was originally meant to bring tourism (often to quite exotic places) within the reach of a wider public; these days, it is a branch of the German TUI group.

2 2. UCPA (Union des centres sportifs de plein air) is a French not-for-profit organization that provides sports holidays for younger people.

3 3. Lexomil is another name for bromazepam, an anti-anxiety medicine.

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