Annie Auerbach - Despicable Me 2

“I miss being evil,” admits Dr. Nefario. “Sinister plots, large-scale crimes… it’s what I live for! I mean, don’t you think there’s more to our future than jelly?”

“Well, I’m also considering a line of jams….”

“Oh, you monster!” exclaims Dr. Nefario. “Evil jam, I suspect?”

Gru shakes his head. “No, just regular.”

Dr. Nefario is clearly disappointed by Gru’s answer. He takes a deep breath. “Um… the thing is, Gru, I’ve had an offer of employment elsewhere.”

“Come on, you’re kidding, right?” says Gru.

Dr. Nefario presses a button, and his whole workspace folds up into a traveling suitcase. He is not kidding.

“It’s a great opportunity for me,” he explains. “Bigger lab, more evil, full dental…” He begins to sniffle.

Gru stares back at his old friend. “Very well,” he says finally. “Let us give you the proper send-off.”

Gru calls to the Minions, and before long seven Fart Guns are lined up. Dr. Nefario sits in his scooter.

“To Dr. Nefario, for your years of service,” announces Gru. “The twenty-one Fart Gun salute!”

Seven Minions each blast their Fart Guns three times for a total of twenty-one.

Dr. Nefario begins to cough. His eyes water—and not just from the smell.

“I counted twenty-two.” Gru looks down at Dave, who chuckles in embarrassment. And with that, Dr. Nefario pushes a button on his scooter, changing it to flying mode. He guns the engine, and it begins to fly away—at the slowest pace possible.

“Farewell, my friends! I miss you already!”

Everyone just stands there awkwardly as Dr. Nefario barely moves.

“This may take a while,” he says. “Go about your business.”

As his oldest friend takes off, Gru descends into a tunnel in the lab. He pulls out Lucy’s business card and then makes a decision.

“You know what?” he says to his Minions. “Let’s shut it down.”

“We are officially out of the jelly business!”

That night, Tom is dressed in a French maid’s uniform as he vacuums the carpet. There is a ring at the door.

He opens it and quickly backs away as someone throws a bag over his head and abducts him.

Another Minion wearing maid’s clothes comes into the room and finds the vacuum cleaner moving by itself. He’s not sure where Tom went. But he shrugs and goes back to work. The Minion abductions have begun….

The next morning, Agnes and Margo use Gru’s laptop to create a profile for him on a dating website. Edith practices her ninja skills in the background.

Agnes asks, “Are you sure we should be doing this?”

Margo confidently replies, “Yes, it’s for his own good. Okay, we need to choose a picture.”

They go through a series of ridiculous pictures of Gru, each one more awful than the last. The final one is of him in a bathing suit. The girls scream in horror!

Just then, Gru enters the room, excited and proud to tell the girls the news about his job with the AVL. “Good morning, girls! I have an announcement to make.”

But they are more interested in the dating profile. Margo asks, “Hey, what celebrity do you look like?”

Agnes thinks for a second, then says, “Humpty Dumpty!” Gru sees Margo typing. “Wait! What are you doing?!”

Agnes parrots what Margo said earlier. “We’re signing you up for online dating! It’s for your own good!”

Margo gives her a Don’t tell him that! look.

Gru freaks out. “What??? No. No, no, no. No way.” He quickly grabs his laptop from them.

Edith pops down from the ceiling, startling Gru. “Come on, it’s fun.”

Margo continues, “And it’s time for you to get out there.”

But Gru’s not having any of it. “No! No one is getting out there! Ever!” Then he quickly changes the subject. “Okay, now for the announcement: I have a new job. I have been recruited by a top secret agency to go undercover and save the world!”

This gets the girls’ attention. Edith exclaims, “You’re going to be a spy?”

Gru proudly declares, “That’s right, baby! Gru is back in the game! With gadgets and weapons and cool cars… the whole deal.”

Agnes looks up at Gru in awe. “Are you really going to save the world?”

Gru strikes a heroic pose and puts on a pair of cool sunglasses. “Yes. Yes, I am.”

Gru descends the escalator at the mall with three of his disguised Minions behind him. It doesn’t take long to locate the cupcake shop, which looks like a small fairy-tale cottage with a big, plastic, pink cupcake above the entrance. The sign reads BAKE MY DAY, which immediately makes Gru frown.

“Blech,” he says. But he knows he doesn’t have a choice. This storefront will be his cover while he spies on the other stores in order to find the master criminal lurking within the mall.

Gru unlocks the front door and enters. Once inside, he turns to his Minions and says, “All right. Here is the cupcake recipe I got off the Internet.”

The Minions excitedly grab the recipe and head for the kitchen.

“And don’t go nuts with the sprinkles!” Gru yells after them.

Gru takes a look around and sees a bunny cupcake in a glass dish. Next to it is a shark cupcake. And next to that is Lucy!

Gru screams, which startles Lucy and causes her to jump up and hit her head on one of the shelves. All the cupcakes go flying! Using incredibly complex martial arts moves, Lucy dispatches the cupcakes as they come toward her.

She successfully destroys all the cupcakes, then turns to Gru, out of breath. “Whoa! Wasn’t expecting that.” She strikes a martial arts pose. “Or was I?” she adds mysteriously.

Then she sees that Gru has a cupcake stuck to the top of his head—frosting side down.

“Oh… you got a little… here let me…,” begins Lucy. She tries to clean it up, but as she wipes away a glob of frosting, she just ends up spreading it more.

“STOP IT!” Gru finally explodes.

Lucy is surprised by his outburst. “Oh! I’ll let you get it.”

Gru wipes the frosting off his face.

“What you just saw there was a little something new I’ve been working on,” Lucy explains. “It’s a combination of jujitsu, Krav Maga, Aztec warfare, and krumping. It is not pretty, but it gets the job done.”

“Well, the next time I’m a victim of a cupcake attack, I will know who to call,” says Gru, slightly annoyed.

Lucy stares him down. “You know, I could rip your heart out of your chest and show it to you if I wanted to,” she says defiantly. “I saw it in a movie once, and it looked pretty easy.” She holds up her fist and pretends a throbbing heart is inside it.

“Okay, that’s… weird,” says Gru, then changes the subject. “Why are you here?”

“On assignment from Silas,” explains Lucy. “I’m your new partner. Yay!”

“What?! No, no ‘yay’! Ramsbottom didn’t say anything about a partner.”

Lucy shrugs. “Well, seems that because of your checkered past, everyone else refused to work with you. But not me. I stepped up. And I’m new, so I kind of have to do what they tell me, anyway.”