George Bernard Shaw - Pygmalion and Three Other Plays

MRS HUSHABYE Then who did it? I didn’t.

MAZZINI I thought perhaps the captain might have done it unintentionally. He is so fearfully magnetic: I feel vibrations whenever he comes close to me.

GUINNESS The captain will get him out of it anyhow, sir: I’ll back him for that. I’ll go fetch him [ she makes for the pantry ] .

MRS HUSHABYE Wait a bit. [ To MAZZINI. ] You say he is all right for eighteen hours?

MAZZINI Well, I was asleep for eighteen hours.

MRS HUSHABYE Were you any the worse for it?

MAZZINI I don’t quite remember. They had poured brandy down my throat, you see; and —

MRS HUSHABYE Quite. Anyhow, you survived. Nurse, darling: go and ask Miss Dunn to come to us here. Say I want to speak to her particularly. You will find her with Mr Hushabye probably.

GUINNESS I think not, ducky: Miss Addy is with him. But I’ll find her and send her to you. [ She goes out into the garden. ]

MRS HUSHABYE [ calling MAZZINI’s attention to the figure on the chair] Now, Mr Dunn, look. Just look. Look hard. Do you still intend to sacrifice your daughter to that thing?

MAZZINI [ troubled ] You have completely upset me, Mrs Hushabye, by all you have said to me. That anyone could imagine that I — I , a consecrated soldier of freedom, if I may say so — could sacrifice Ellie to anybody or anyone, or that I should ever have dreamed of forcing her inclinations in any way, is a most painful blow to my — well, I suppose you would say to my good opinion of myself.

MRS HUSHABYE [ rather stolidly ] Sorry.

MAZZINI [ looking forlornly at the body ] What is your objection to poor Mangan, Mrs Hushabye? He looks all right to me. But then I am so accustomed to him.

MRS HUSHABYE Have you no heart? Have you no sense? Look at the brute! Think of poor weak innocent Ellie in the clutches of this slavedriver, who spends his life making thousands of rough violent workmen bend to his will and sweat for him: a man accustomed to have great masses of iron beaten into shape for him by steam-hammers! to fight with women and girls over a halfpenny an hour ruthlessly! a captain of industry, I think you call him, don’t you? Are you going to fling your delicate, sweet, helpless child into such a beast’s claws just because he will keep her in an expensive house and make her wear diamonds to show how rich he is?

MAZZINI [ staring at her in wide-eyed amazement ] Bless you, dear Mrs Hushabye, what romantic ideas of business you have! Poor dear Mangan isn’t a bit like that.

MRS HUSHABYE [ scornfully ] Poor dear Mangan indeed!

MAZZINI But he doesn’t know anything about machinery. He never goes near the men: he couldn’t manage them: he is afraid of them. I never can get him to take the least interest in the works: he hardly knows more about them than you do. People are cruelly unjust to Mangan: they think he is all rugged strength just because his manners are bad.

MRS HUSHABYE Do you mean to tell me he isn’t strong enough to crush poor little Ellie?

MAZZINI Of course it’s very hard to say how any marriage will turn out; but speaking for myself, I should say that he won’t have a dog’s chance against Ellie. You know, Ellie has remarkable strength of character. I think it is because I taught her to like Shakespeare when she was very young.

MRS HUSHABYE [contemptuously] Shakespeare! The next thing you will tell me is that you could have made a great deal more money than Mangan. [She retires to the sofa, and sits down at the port end of it in the worst of humors. ]

MAZZINI [ following her and taking the other end ] No: I’m no good at making money. I don’t care enough for it, somehow. I’m not ambitious! that must be it. Mangan is wonderful about money: he thinks of nothing else. He is so dreadfully afraid of being poor. I am always thinking of other things: even at the works I think of the things we are doing and not of what they cost. And the worst of it is, poor Mangan doesn’t know what to do with his money when he gets it. He is such a baby that he doesn’t know even what to eat and drink: he has ruined his liver eating and drinking the wrong things; and now he can hardly eat at all. Ellie will diet him splendidly. You will be surprised when you come to know him better: he is really the most helpless of mortals. You get quite a protective feeling towards him.

MRS HUSHABYE Then who manages his business, pray?

MAZZINI I do. And of course other people like me.

MRS HUSHABYE Footling [310] Silly, or inconsequential. people, you mean.

MAZZINI I suppose you’d think us so.

MRS HUSHABYE And pray why don’t you do without him if you’re all so much cleverer?

MAZZINI Oh, we couldn’t: we should ruin the business in a year. I’ve tried; and I know. We should spend too much on everything. We should improve the quality of the goods and make them too dear. We should be sentimental about the hard cases among the workpeople. But Mangan keeps us in order. He is down on us about every extra halfpenny. We could never do without him. You see, he will sit up all night thinking of how to save sixpence. Won’t Ellie make him jump, though, when she takes his house in hand!

MRS HUSHABYE Then the creature is a fraud even as a captain of industry!

MAZZINI I am afraid all the captains of industry are what you call frauds, Mrs Hushabye. Of course there are some manufacturers who really do understand their own works; but they don’t make as high a rate of profit as Mangan does. I assure you Mangan is quite a good fellow in his way. He means well.

MRS HUSHABYE He doesn’t look well. He is not in his first youth, is he?

MAZZINI After all, no husband is in his first youth for very long, Mrs Hushabye. And men can’t afford to marry in their first youth nowadays.

MRS HUSHABYE Now if I said that, it would sound witty. Why can’t you say it wittily? What on earth is the matter with you? Why don’t you inspire everybody with confidence? with respect?

MAZZINI [ humbly ] I think that what is the matter with me is that I am poor. You don’t know what that means at home. Mind: I don’t say they have ever complained. They’ve all been wonderful: they’ve been proud of my poverty. They’ve even joked about it quite often. But my wife has had a very poor time of it. She has been quite resigned —

MRS HUSHABYE [ shuddering involuntarily ]!!

MAZZINI There! You see, Mrs Hushabye. I don’t want Ellie to live on resignation.

MRS HUSHABYE Do you want her to have to resign herself to living with a man she doesn’t love?

MAZZINI [ wistfully ] Are you sure that would be worse than living with a man she did love, if he was a footling person?

MRS HUSHABYE [ relaxing her contemptuous attitude, quite interested in MAZZINI now ] You know, I really think you must love Ellie very much; for you become quite clever when you talk about her.

MAZZINI I didn’t know I was so very stupid on other subjects.

MRS HUSHABYE You are, sometimes.

MAZZINI [ turning his head away; for his eyes are wet ] I have learnt a good deal about myself from you, Mrs Hushabye; and I’m afraid I shall not be the happier for your plain speaking. But if you thought I needed it to make me think of Ellie’s happiness you were very much mistaken.

MRS HUSHABYE [leaning towards him kindly ] Have I been a beast?

MAZZINI [pulling himself together] It doesn’t matter about me, Mrs Hushabye. I think you like Ellie; and that is enough for me.

MRS HUSHABYE I’m beginning to like you a little. I perfectly loathed you at first. I thought you the most odious, self-satisfied, boresome elderly prig I ever met.