Илья Франк - Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

"Adam," He said, "I have a plan to make you much, much happier (у меня есть план, как сделать тебя гораздо, гораздо счастливее) . I'm going to give you a companion (я собираюсь дать тебе друга) , a help mate for you (помощника для тебя) - someone who will fulfil (кого-то, кто исполнит) your every need and desire (каждую твою потребность и каждое твое желание) . Someone who will be faithful, loving and obedient (кто будет преданным, любящим и послушным; obedient [@'bi:dj@nt]) . Someone who will make you feel wonderful every day of your life (кто сделает так, чтобы ты чувствовал себя чудесно каждый день /в/ твоей жизни) ."

Adam was stunned (ошеломлен) . "That sounds incredible! (это звучит невероятно) "

"Well, it is (так оно и есть) ," replied the Lord. "But it doesn't come for free (но это не бесплатно; free — свободный) . This is someone so special (настолько особенный) that it's going to cost you an arm and a leg (что будет стоить тебе руки и ноги) ."

"That's a pretty high price to pay (это очень высокая цена) ," said Adam. "What can I get for a rib? (что могу я получить за ребро) "

After Adam was created, there he was, all alone, in the Garden of Eden.

Of course it wasn't good for him to be all by himself, so the Lord came down to visit.

"Adam," He said, "I have a plan to make you much, much happier. I'm going to give you a companion, a help mate for you — someone who will fulfil your every need and desire. Someone who will be faithful, loving and obedient. Someone who will make you feel wonderful every day of your life."

Adam was stunned. "That's sounds incredible!"

"Well, it is," replied the Lord. "But it doesn't come for free. This is someone so special that it's going to cost you an arm and a leg."

"That's a pretty high price to pay," said Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"

That's sounds incredible!

That's a pretty high price to pay.

Three friends were at the bar talking (трое друзей были в баре, разговаривая) , and after many rounds of beer (и после многих кружек /заказанных на всех/: «раундов» пива) , one of them suggests (один из них предлагает) that everyone admits something (чтобы каждый признался в чем-то таком) they have never admitted to anyone (в чем они никогда раньше не признавались никому) .

"Okay," says the first, "I've never told anybody I'm a gay! (я никогда никому не говорил, что я гомик /to tell-told-told/) "

The second confesses (признается) , "I'm having an affair with my boss's wife (у меня роман, связь с женой моего босса) ."

The third, Moishe, begins, "I don't know how to tell you… (я не знаю, как вам сказать) "

"Don't be shy (не стыдись = смелее: «не будь стыдлив, робок») ," the two friends said.

"Well," says Moishe, "I can't keep secrets (я не могу хранить секреты) ."

Three friends were at the bar talking, and after many rounds of beer, one of them suggests that everyone admits something they have never admitted to anyone.

"Okay," says the first, "I've never told anybody I'm a gay!"

The second confesses, "I'm having an affair with my boss's wife."

The third, Moishe, begins, "I don't know how to tell you…"

"Don't be shy," the two friends said.

"Well," says Moishe, "I can't keep secrets."

Don't be shy.

Mr. Shwartz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be (мистер Шварц приходит на встречу со своим будущим зятем) , Sol (Соломоном) .

He says to Sol, who is very religious (он говорит Солу, который очень религиозен) , "So now tell me, Sol, my boy, what do you do? (ну а теперь скажи мне, Сол, мой мальчик, чем ты занимаешься) "

"I study the Torah (я изучаю Тору) ," he replies.

"But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter (ты собираешься жениться на моей дочери) , how are you going to feed and house her? (как ты собираешься ее кормить и содержать) "

"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide (я изучаю Тору, там сказано, что Бог обеспечит) ."

"But you will have children (но у тебя будут дети) , how will you educate them? (как ты дашь им образование) " asks Mr. Shwartz.

"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."

Mr. Shwartz goes home and Mrs. Shwartz, his wife, anxiously asks what Sol is like (беспокойно спросила, что из себя представляет Сол: «на что он похож») .

"Well," says Mr. Shwartz, "he's a lovely boy (он милый мальчик) , I only just met him and he already thinks I'm God (я только его встретил = познакомился с ним, а он уже думает, что я Бог /to meet-met-met/) ."

Mr. Shwartz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Sol.

He says to Sol (who is very religious), "So now, tell me, Sol, my boy, what do you do?"

"I study the Torah," he replies.

"But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are you going to feed and house her?"

"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."

"But you will have children, how will you educate them?" asks Mr. Shwartz.

"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."

Mr. Shwartz goes home and Mrs. Shwartz, his wife, anxiously asks what Sol is like.

"Well," says Mr. Shwartz, "he's a lovely boy, I only just met him and he already thinks I'm God."

What do you do?

No problem.

— Hello, that's you (это ты) , Abe?

— Yes, dis (= this; здесь и дальше написание некоторых слов нарушено, чтобы передать сильный акцент) is Abe…

— It doesn't sount (=sound) like (не похоже на: «не звучит как») Abe.

— Vell (=well) , dis is Abe all right (здесь в самом деле: «в порядке») .

— You're positive (вы уверены) it's Abe?

— Absolutely (абсолютно) .

— Vell, listen Abie, dis is Moe. Can you lend me feefty punds? (= fifty pounds — можешь одолжить мне 50 фунтов)

— Ven (=when) Abe comes in (придет) , I'll tell him you called… (я скажу ему, что вы звонили) .

— Hello, that's you, Abe?

— Yes, dis is Abe…

— It doesn't sount like Abe.

— Vell, dis is Abe all right.

— You're positive it's Abe?

— Absolutely.

— Vell, listen Abie, dis is Moe. Can you lend me feefty punds?