Pieter Hintjens - The Psychopath Code - Cracking the Predators That Stalk Us

It is the same when a psychopath attacks you, whether it’s early in the game, or late and the mask is long gone. Psychopaths start young, and work hard to improve their hunting technique. We social humans, we’re like mice, scurrying through the tiny corridors of our lives. We barely have time to react when the fangs and claws hit us. We get dragged out into the wild ocean. No-one can jump in to save us, even if they’re paying attention, which most people aren’t.

The hardest part is preventing panic, and avoiding an instinctive response. Instead, take a moment to tread water and think things through. Avoid the direct fight, and move sideways. Over time this becomes easier. The fight-or-flight adrenalin response does not go away, so you try to learn how to ignore it.

Can you fight a psychopath head-on? Or do you drown?

When a psychopath is trying to drag you down, the usual instinct is to not fight. We try to normalize the situation, to make it good again, and that is what makes it worse. That is the "swimming back to shore" behavior, and that’s how we drown. Fighting back is the "swimming sideways" behavior. It takes deliberate and conscious effort, yet it seems to be the safest way out.

This is hard. The predator behaviors evolved specifically to push our mental buttons. So it takes conscious effort, practice, and above all, working with other people. That’s our superpower: other people. Do not forget that, and do not make your life a personal struggle. Share your problems and answers, you’ll be surprised how much support you get, and how much you can learn.

When you fight back, doesn’t it make the psychopath act worse?

Sometimes, yet not always. Psychopaths operate outside the law, if not in deed then in spirit. They respect no higher authorities, only force. Remember the Ben Franklin effect, where you ask people for small favors and then they like you more. The flip side is that when we (including psychopaths) mistreat people, and they don’t fight back, we treat them even worse afterwards.

There is the risk of escalation and violence. This can be terrifying. I’m sure in some cases it can be fatally dangerous. Mostly though, the psychopath risks more than you do through escalation. A public fight attracts other people. It attracts authorities and investigations. All predators are vulnerable in similar ways: injury or exposure means they can’t hunt. In human terms, this means psychopaths have to stay hidden.

So psychopaths are afraid of being exposed?

Yes. All vampires have their fears. I’d say exposure is a psychopath’s greatest worry: " what proof do they have? " A solid file showing their history of breaking the rules and bullying people: this is sunlight and garlic. Psychopaths need secrecy and privacy to misbehave and get away with it, decade after decade.

When you realize you’re facing one or more psychopaths, collect evidence, slowly and carefully. This applies to all cases where psychopaths operate, from death squads and genocide to domestic abuse. Collect incontestable proof. Use such material cautiously, only when you need to and when you know it will have an effect. Exposure is a card you can play only once.

Do you have tips for collecting evidence?

Emails are good evidence in most courts, which not everyone realizes. So are photos and videos. Audio recordings can be helpful in some cases. Impartial eye-witness statements are good. You have to be careful in a he-said-she-said situation. A psychopath will have the more dramatic accusations, and be ludicrously convincing. I’ve seen cops spin on their heels and start threatening the victims of violence, based on thirty seconds talking to the perpetrator.

You can get cheap audio recorders that look like USB sticks. Video recorders hidden in watches, pens, and pendants. Or, keep your smartphone handy, and use its audio or video recorder. If you ever get into a physical confrontation, then recording a psychopath can have a dramatic effect, as they may react violently and without warning to what they see as a threat.

Sometimes that’s what you want. Provoking a psychopath to anger (real or acted) can be a good way to get them to reveal themselves. They will make threats and accusations. The threats are often extraordinary, and meaningless, until you realize they tend to make threats they see as real to themselves . And the accusations can be laughable, until you realize they have accidentally said something they are trying to keep secret.

What else are psychopaths afraid of?

Like any predator, they fear injury, exposure, starvation, and a bigger predator. That’s the list, I think.

Can you teach me how to act like a "bigger psychopath"?

You’re not the first person to think of this. Many people do this instinctively when we’re in unfamiliar situations. We become more dominant, charming, focused on others. We dress up when we go out. We laugh more. This is partly about seduction, yet it seems more about feeling safe. Often these talents are suppressed until we have a drink or two. You can learn to do this consciously. It is easier for some of us than others.

Can you be more specific?

Dress slightly too well, interrupt people gently yet forcefully. Touch people on the arms and shoulders, a lot. Smile a little too much, and hold eye contact. Ignore people as they talk to you. Then, if you think you’re talking to a predator, speak of money and future possibilities. Shine that laser pointer and they will dance like an entranced cat. Only use this for self-defense, please.

Are there any other tools I can use against psychopaths?

Psychopaths tend to be paranoid. It’s normal when 96% of your fellow species hate you ex animo , from the heart. This makes psychopaths vulnerable to certain kinds of suggestion, such as they’re being spied on, followed, or framed by unspecified people.

Are you saying, it’s OK to deceive and manipulate psychopaths?

If someone tries to sink their soul-draining fangs into you or yours, I think you’re justified in using whatever force you need to make them stop and/or go away. This includes lying, threats and false promises, indeed the whole psychopath play-book up to violence of different forms. As necessary. Don’t break the law. If you must, make sure you can show self-defense. Also, insert my standard disclaimer here. My advice is an opinion based on experience. You have the right to use it or ignore it.

So you mean, we should all become secondary psychopaths…

Please no! Psychopaths are horrid to be around. They hurt everyone they touch. What I’m saying is, if a predator comes into your life and attacks you or your friends or family, strike back with force and drive it away. That’s different from becoming a predator yourself. I’ve made this quite clear in The Dance of Emotions , we have a set of emotions for attack, and a set for defense.

How does one lie to a psychopath?

Psychopaths are hard to lie to. They seem to read minds, and they know every possible lie like a musician knows chords. Lying to a psychopath is a bit like passing a lie-detector test. Start by assuming that every conversation is an interrogation. You’re not a psychopath, so you will sweat and tremble and stutter. You can’t avoid that.

Rule number one is control the conversation. Try to start conversations instead of waiting. Drag it out as long as you want it to last. Fill the conversation with tedious, boring detail. Mallory does not care about your life. If she’s talking, she has a plan in her mind, an agenda. Every time you hijack the thread, you’re making it harder for her. End the conversation when you’re ready, and then go "no contact" until you decide you want to talk again.